The glow disappears behind the enlightened

[shemthepenman]

Edit

He waited all day, 
poor moth,
then died in the room 
where the light had led him.

Original

He waited all day,
poor moth,
and died in the room
where the light had led him.

[Lizzie]

Right in the feels.

*Slits wrists*

I love what you did with the title. The poem was good on its own, but that elevated it to a whole new level. Well done.

[shemthepenman]

thanks!

Right in the feels.

*Slits wrists*

I love what you did with the title. The poem was good on its own, but that elevated it to a whole new level. Well done.

[RiverNotch]

Since I'm currently working in the library, just one comment:

He waited all day,
poor moth,
and died in the room
where the light had lead him. led

Otherwise, satisfying -- although there's something about "and" that perturbs me -- maybe that, "then", too?

[shemthepenman]

Led of course! And I used to teach English. Thanks. I have lead for brains. And yes you may be right about 'then'. I'll have a look. See if I like it better that way.

Oh, I presume you mean 'then' instead of 'and'?

[RiverNotch]

Led of course! And I used to teach English. Thanks. I have lead for brains. And yes you may be right about 'then'. I'll have a look. See if I like it better that way.

Oh, I presume you mean 'then' instead of 'and'?

aye

[shemthepenman]

Led of course! And I used to teach English. Thanks. I have lead for brains. And yes you may be right about 'then'. I'll have a look. See if I like it better that way.

Oh, I presume you mean 'then' instead of 'and'?

aye

thanks, you are definitely right about 'then'. it actually makes a big difference. thanks again!

[justlikeyou]

Led of course! And I used to teach English. Thanks. I have lead for brains. And yes you may be right about 'then'. I'll have a look. See if I like it better that way.

Oh, I presume you mean 'then' instead of 'and'?

aye

thanks, you are definitely right about 'then'. it actually makes a big difference. thanks again!

I like this very much. Wouldn't change a things after that first edit.

[Erthona]

...and the newb says, "So you're saying this is a deaths-head moth?"

[shemthepenman]

...and the newb says, "So you're saying this is a deaths-head moth?"

if only some of them were half as quick witted.

---

aye

thanks, you are definitely right about 'then'. it actually makes a big difference. thanks again!

I like this very much. Wouldn't change a things after that first edit.

thank you. i'm glad you liked it.

[QDeathstar]

I like this. There you go. Thanks.

---

Title is wordy though.

[shemthepenman]

I like this. There you go. Thanks.

---

Title is wordy though.

thanks. and the title troubled me, too, for its wordiness. for such a short poem an' all. also, it sounds a bit like it's saying of the poem "hey look at me, i'm a metaphor!" patronising the reader is never good. but, and i don't use this pathetic defense lightly, i kinda just like it. it adds a certain complexity beyond the simple metaphor. however, any suggestions for an alternative title are more than welcome. i probably won't use them, but they are definitely welcome. who doesn't like getting free stuff!