In cache

[LunaDeLore]

In Cache
 
Sitting here wrenching out words
That won’t flow, that will flow
Just not today
Not today.
When the sun shines
On the sunflower’s face
After the camellia blooms
Have all fallen and rotted back into the ground.
The words will come to me, swiftly
As the tide rises inside
The realm of poetic phrases.
The corners of sonic awaken the senses
And relics begin to tremble on a shelf,
As syllables drop from tongues
Hitting the terracotta floor.
The words hidden in cache
Will flow
Just not today.

[Achebe]

Hi Luna - you can tighten up the intro. It's currently too conversational, like prose. Boring to read.
You should also consider sticking to a single metaphor and consistent imagery.
You start with sunflowers and Autumn then go to tides, then relics and a terracotta floor. Too all over the place.
Suggested edit of S1 below

In Cache
 
Sitting here wrenching out words
That won’t flow today
But when the sun shines
After the camellia blooms
Have rotted back into the ground.

[Lizzie]

In Cache
 
Sitting here wrenching out words
That won’t flow, that will flow
Just not today
Not today.
When the sun shines
On the sunflower’s face
After the camellia blooms
Have all fallen and rotted back into the ground. -- I've read this line several times, and I can't for the life of me see that it's a complete sentence. I do love that the content is very evocative, and it draws me in.
The words will come to me, swiftly
As the tide rises inside -- this is a lovely line
The realm of poetic phrases. I don't love "poetic phrases." Might be better to use a sensory image. 
The corners of sonic awaken the senses -- I'm not sure I love the phrasing of "corners of sonic," but it might just be a style difference.
And relics begin to tremble on a shelf, -- does this mean that the power of the syllables will cause an earthquake? Just want to make sure that I'm tracking.
As syllables drop from tongues
Hitting the terracotta floor. -- I love this line: hitting and terracotta.
The words hidden in cache
Will flow
Just not today.

[LunaDeLore]

Hi Luna - you can tighten up the intro. It's currently too conversational, like prose. Boring to read.
You should also consider sticking to a single metaphor and consistent imagery.
You start with sunflowers and Autumn then go to tides, then relics and a terracotta floor. Too all over the place.
Suggested edit of S1 below

In Cache
 
Sitting here wrenching out words
That won’t flow today
But when the sun shines
After the camellia blooms
Have rotted back into the ground.

Achebe,

I think a conjunction would work and I'll certainly keep your suggestion in mind during revision.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting

Luna

---

In Cache
 
Sitting here wrenching out words
That won’t flow, that will flow
Just not today
Not today.
When the sun shines
On the sunflower’s face
After the camellia blooms
Have all fallen and rotted back into the ground. -- I've read this line several times, and I can't for the life of me see that it's a complete sentence. I do love that the content is very evocative, and it draws me in.
The words will come to me, swiftly
As the tide rises inside -- this is a lovely line
The realm of poetic phrases. I don't love "poetic phrases." Might be better to use a sensory image. 
The corners of sonic awaken the senses -- I'm not sure I love the phrasing of "corners of sonic," but it might just be a style difference.
And relics begin to tremble on a shelf, -- does this mean that the power of the syllables will cause an earthquake? Just want to make sure that I'm tracking.
As syllables drop from tongues
Hitting the terracotta floor. -- I love this line: hitting and terracotta.
The words hidden in cache
Will flow
Just not today.

Lizz,

Corners are places where too ends meet so I kind of understand where you're at with that phrase. I'll consider your comment in revision; maybe something else will work. I'll have to play with it some to decide.

Your comments are much appreciated.
'
Thanks for reading.

Luna

[71degrees]

I don't like poems that capitalize the first word of every line. Sorry. Need to say that up front.

The poem itself is a vis-a'-vis of implied meaning. Now you see me, now you don't. That's the way it reads to me. It might or it might not. I don't mind the subject and you do end on somewhat a positive note...so I like that it has a somewhat finish to it. A "just not today" attitude. The earthy tone is good (e.g. terra cotta, all the flowers) and it is consistent. The language of the poem is a plus for me.

I don't know...the poem is so unexciting that it doesn't excite me too much as a reader. Show me a reason to care.

[LunaDeLore]

I don't like poems that capitalize the first word of every line.  Sorry.  Need to say that up front.  

The poem itself is a vis-a'-vis of implied meaning.  Now you see me, now you don't.  That's the way it reads to me.  It might or it might not.  I don't mind the subject and you do end on somewhat a positive note...so I like that it has a somewhat finish to it.  A "just not today" attitude.  The earthy tone is good (e.g. terra cotta, all the flowers) and it is consistent.  The language of the poem is a plus for me.  

I don't know...the poem is so unexciting that it doesn't excite me too much as a reader.  Show me a reason to care.

I know what you mean about the capitalization, I don't necessarily like it either. When it comes to writing poetry, Word gives me a hell of a time. I may fix that. You know, when I wrote this I probably didn't know if it would come together for me or not so that may explain the "vis-a-vis"....

Appreciate your comments

Luna