The Dance (content warning)
#1
Meester Hess-lop, dancing in blackface to the beat of the drum;
his jive encircled by rodeo clowns, he shakes his hands
and shuffles his feet, abreast an upside down lectern,
painted like a rocket in a child’s drawing.
Singing “Yellow Basket” behind a curtain,
an unseen performer amplifies the jig,
as the merry coon’s shoes make splinters in the stand.

The audience, all white, observes silently,
devoid of expression on their weathered faces,
their features like blackboards, which once held writing,
since wiped clean by successive teachers.
But still the nigger dance goes on, as the rodeo clowns
shower them with posies. Picking up such a flower from between
his feet, the nigger’s sweetheart sees that it’s plastic.

[youtube]SrDx7uVyP38[/youtube]
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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#2
for me the the meester language should have been more prominent.
throughout the poem.

as the merry coon’s shoes make splinters in the stand. was for me one of the best lines i've ever read. it lests us know that while there's some degrading of knee graz it's only a show. the dancer is obviously a talented tap dancer. and not at all black.

apart from my nit above. i enjoy the entertainment within the piece.
i can't watch the vid or my pc will blow out Sad
i get the feel of the black and white minstrels or something akin to them.
theres a racial tension but i think it's inverse.

anyway, after not saying a lot, i can say i enjoyed reading what was for me a good poem.
thanks jack.
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#3
Solid work with such great images... great tension boiling under the surface. Loved this line: "their features like blackboards, which once held writing". Great ending as well; there's a vagueness and subtlety, but seems so poignant. Really enjoyed this one.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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#4
(11-06-2010, 08:11 AM)billy Wrote:  for me the the meester language should have been more prominent.
throughout the poem.

as the merry coon’s shoes make splinters in the stand. was for me one of the best lines i've ever read. it lests us know that while there's some degrading of knee graz it's only a show. the dancer is obviously a talented tap dancer. and not at all black.

apart from my nit above. i enjoy the entertainment within the piece.
i can't watch the vid or my pc will blow out Sad
i get the feel of the black and white minstrels or something akin to them.
theres a racial tension but i think it's inverse.

anyway, after not saying a lot, i can say i enjoyed reading what was for me a good poem.
thanks jack.

Thank you for the kind words and feedback, BillySmile I've wanted to write a poem about me in blackface for quite a while, but could never find the words. For me, this poem is a metaphor for my social awkwardness, how, when I try and interact with people in my day to day life, I feel somehow exposed, ludicrous and "other," like a performing minstrel. This idea became a bit lost as I continued writing, though I think I just managed to hold it togethor. I could be wrong, of courseConfused.

The narrator of this poem was supposed to be omnipresent, entirely objective, and the "Meester Hess-lop" was just my way of emphasising the racial element, like the words "coon" and "nigger." I see what you mean, though; the narrative voice is somewhat confused, and I should really have stuck with one style of speech. The aforementioned blackface idea was taken from the Dream Songs by John Berryman, a series of 385 poems which blended, often to maddeningly obscure effect, high lyricism and low minstrel talk. Sadly I don't have the talent to be as esoteric and yet beautiful as Berryman was in those verses, hence the jarring of voices. Nonetheless, I find the way "Meester Hess-lop" sounds and looks on the page to be too amusing to removeBig Grin.

Thanks again for your kind words, especially regarding that "merry coon" line; I always look forward to hearing how you'll interpret my work.
(11-06-2010, 09:22 AM)addy Wrote:  Solid work with such great images... great tension boiling under the surface. Loved this line: "their features like blackboards, which once held writing". Great ending as well; there's a vagueness and subtlety, but seems so poignant. Really enjoyed this one.

Thank you Addy, that means a lotSmile I wanted to create a metaphor for how blank the audience's faces were, but I couldn't think of one until I settled on that; I worried at first that it might sound corny, so your praises really eases my mind. Glad you liked the ending as wellSmile

"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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#5
it held together for me.
i have to admit to losing it at the plastic flower but sometimes i enjoy it; that way.
the poem drags me back for more reads.
anyway it certainly works.

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