The Anti-Device

[Namyh]

The Anti-Device

Ever been cannonaded by enemies, 
torpedoed by insecurities,
your self-image bullet riddled by faults;
your attitude shelled and your smile in shrapnel
like a suit of armor held together by loose bolts?

When they all zero-in to land on target,
to detonate and make you explode,
do what I did and “mentally” remove
the flush from the side of the commode.

In the morning, I attach it to the side of my head
and await the barrage of the day.
The torpedoes and shells don’t hurt anymore
‘cause I click and flush each one away.

At the close of the day,
there’s no backup of tension
or need for intensive therapy.
My Anti-Device will work for you
very well like it works for me.

And I’m not implying that you can have mine
or that I will make you a loan.
Just go to your bathroom and open the door
and there you’ll find one of your own!

Namyh

[QDeathstar]

Bro. I don't know what you do in your bathroom, but after I'm done I flush... so unless some mother fucker with a bad attitude has been using my toilet i will not find a pile of shit available for service in my bowl. I get it, you don't give a shit. You can't even loan a shit. You want me to worry? What, really? I won't. You aint got to worry about that, cause over at GetScatty.com theres plenty of poeple who offer their services for free.

Thanks.

[Namyh]

Pdeathstar – Bro! That’s the point. Somebody who has been crapped on is likely to crap in your bowl and on you any time of day; a next door neighbor you don’t like, the anal boss on the job, a supposed friend, a relative cross town, the lover in the next room. We tend to fume and keep it all bottled in. Consider the Anti-Device a defense weapon of early deflection or a kryptonite killer of kingsize crap. Mentally attach it to the side of your head in the morning and become armed and ready with a click for any barrage of the day from mf’s with bad attitudes trying to use you for a toilet and then you won’t have to spend money each hour on somebody’s couch trying to get rid of their anger in you. Thanks for dropping by PD. Hope it helps. See! I do give a sh…t! Namyh

[QDeathstar]

What. WHAT. Who are these people who sneek into my bathroom at night to pinch, may I say, a fair bit more than an inch. And to think all this time I thought perhaps I was sleep-shitting. I should have known it when, after careful examination, those poop stains didn't look familiar.

[UselessBlueprint]

Ever been cannonaded by enemies, 
torpedoed by insecurities,
your self-image bullet riddled by faults;
your attitude shelled and your smile in shrapnel
like a suit of armor held together by a loose bolt?

Altogether not bad. But the first part here, this made me cringe the first time -- for two reasons. First, what appears to be the deletion of "had" preceding lines 3 and 4. That, coupled with the confusion about what the suit of armor is being likened to, leaves me unable to form a coherent syntax when reading this.