~Sadistic Indifference~

[ficosdarkness]

I know you find my pain amusing. Hoping that confusing all the fact's of what we were, will help you to deter the endless lonely nights fighting for your rights, as a grown up in this life. But all grown up's deal with strife. So mesmerized by the sound of my heart cracking that you don't realize you are lacking, what it take's to make you feel. As I penetrate the cold steel, encasing an empty space, keeping seeker's from that place because they won't find any trace of where your heart supposed to be. You remember me? Clawing at the vault. Taking blame without fault. Withdrawing from the absence of the love that you once gave. A starving slave, trying desperately to be brave, I venture into that empty cave, looking for the promises inside. I push forward without pride and hesitant as I stride into the abyss. Now I'm no longer able to dismiss my willingness to share a dark kiss, that carries me back to yesterday's lost. Traveling over lines best not crossed, I can pay your price but not the cost. Loaded dice carelessly tossed back against the iron curtain. Never certain of the loss. It's my mortal soul that you'll give away, when you haven't got the toll to pay the ferryman to get to the other side of the river Styx. Stopping by to say, "hi" and just to get your kick's. While this "junkie" waits for one last fix. Way overdue, longing for you to finally seal her fate and bring release to her living hell, before it get's to late.

[billy]

i can feel the flow of the piece fd. it's a bit like emimem meets dr dray but for me the whole block of writing feels too harsh.
it looks like your going for a kind of rap poetry and if so it works well. (though i think it would work better with a few breaks in it.) you have some good lines and some good rhymes though it's hard to distinguish if it's internal or end rhyme.
it does have lots of energy,

thanks for the read fd.

[ficosdarkness]

i can feel the flow of the piece fd. it's a bit like emimem meets dr dray but for me the whole block of writing feels too harsh.
it looks like your going for a kind of rap poetry and if so it works well. (though i think it would work better with a few breaks in it.) you have some good lines and some good rhymes though it's hard to distinguish if it's internal or end rhyme.
it does have lots of energy,

thanks for the read fd.

Thanks for that billy I really did try hard to put it in form before the post. I'm having a hard time with that, but I promise, I'll figure it out.(old dog new tricks??) I should have put it in the workshop first, but as good as you all are I was afraid that it would get shredded.(just too chicken $#@t!)

[Todd]

Thanks for that billy I really did try hard to put it in form before the post. I'm having a hard time with that, but I promise, I'll figure it out.(old dog new tricks??) I should have put it in the workshop first, but as good as you all are I was afraid that it would get shredded.(just too chicken $#@t!)

Hi Fico,

We aren't out to shred anyone (not them not their poetry). We may be direct in the workshop but I think you can handle it. It's never personal it's only about how you can get the best poem out of your work.

Glad to see your post in any event. When I get a chance I'll try to spend some time with it and comment more fully.

Best,

Todd

[billy]

and remember you don't have to accept what anyone says.

just to put this. but as good as you all are I was afraid that it would get shredded.
in perspective. i just read a poem on the site yesterday by lawrence, an 18 year old that knocks socks off anything i could write. both todd and jack have done the same. fuck em.

seriously, i'm glad they're here. by reading and commenting on their work i get some incites as to how to use better syntax, how to let my poems flow better. lots of new poets think it's about being better or writing as good as others. in fact it's about learning the craft of poetry.

one of the best ways to do that is to put your work out there for honest feedback. you have the strength to do that. i've seen you do it already so i know.

it all depends on whether or not you want to improve as a writer/poet. if the answers yes then serious critique and workshopping are the name of the game. do a few of the poetry prompts etc. if not then mild critique or the for fun forum ae for you. and thats okay.
people sometimes just write for the enjoyment and what it gives to them. i think as highly of the for fun writer as i do of the serious writer.

[ficosdarkness]

Thanks for that billy I really did try hard to put it in form before the post. I'm having a hard time with that, but I promise, I'll figure it out.(old dog new tricks??) I should have put it in the workshop first, but as good as you all are I was afraid that it would get shredded.(just too chicken $#@t!)

Hi Fico,

We aren't out to shred anyone (not them not their poetry). We may be direct in the workshop but I think you can handle it. It's never personal it's only about how you can get the best poem out of your work.

Glad to see your post in any event. When I get a chance I'll try to spend some time with it and comment more fully.

Best,

Todd

Maybe "shredded" was too strong a word to use, Todd. My apologies. I know that you all are helping me a lot and it's appreciated. I tried to find form for this one and I kept losing flow. ;fish; I'm really diggin' the internal rhyme poems that keep bleeding out of me! The release is intense, then I read over it only to discover that it is one long run on sentence. I try to apply form and punctuation and then the flow takes a poop on me.

Respectfully,
Fico

---

and remember you don't have to accept what anyone says.

just to put this. but as good as you all are I was afraid that it would get shredded.
in perspective. i just read a poem on the site yesterday by lawrence, an 18 year old that knocks socks off anything i could write. both todd and jack have done the same. fuck em.

seriously, i'm glad they're here. by reading and commenting on their work i get some incites as to how to use better syntax, how to let my poems flow better. lots of new poets think it's about being better or writing as good as others. in fact it's about learning the craft of poetry.

one of the best ways to do that is to put your work out there for honest feedback. you have the strength to do that. i've seen you do it already so i know.

it all depends on whether or not you want to improve as a writer/poet. if the answers yes then serious critique and workshopping are the name of the game. do a few of the poetry prompts etc. if not then mild critique or the for fun forum ae for you. and thats okay.
people sometimes just write for the enjoyment and what it gives to them. i think as highly of the for fun writer as i do of the serious writer.

billy,

I guess that I'm just displaying my insecurities as a new writer. hame4: The pigpen has turned out to be a very helpful poetry site for me. I think that I'm coming along slowly but surely. You and Todd are right, "I can take the critique's" and I haven't taken any of it personally at all. I'm striving for the perfect peice but what might be perfect to me is not going to read that way to everyone. The pigpen has been nothing but a positive experience for me and I really want to be a good writer. I know that I'll find that here. Thanks for taking the time to talk it out with me, billy

[billy]

i'm glad you're here. i'm glad and full of admiration of every one who posts their poetry here,
i'm glad we have a few decent writers who i can learn something from. thanks for the kind words though i do hope you realize that you're the pig pen along with all the other.