5-19-16

[Tiger the Lion]

shooting stars
ask questions—
you’ve already answered

[Magpie]

shooting stars
ask questions—
you’ve already answered

Hi Paul, is it the shooting stars that are asking the questions? This leaves me a bit confused...

shooting stars—
asking questions
you’ve already answered

This is the way my mind wants to read it, then it's left open as to who is asking the questions. 

Cheers for the read,

Mark

[justcloudy]

I had the same issue as Mark, but my solution was a period (full stop) in the place of the m-dash. His idea works well too, and reads in a different way.

It's always a good day when I think about shooting stars. Thanks for that.

-jc

[RiverNotch]

I didn't think it was ambiguous at all ------ the em dash confuses things a bit, but essentially

Shooting stars ask questions you've already answered

And it's not a confusion that really removes anything ------ the em dash gives it a lot of necessary breath, and ultimately, the alternate meanings subconsciously derived above I don't think stray so far as to be bad. Although yes, perhaps it could be removed ---- just plain removed, in this camp ---- as, obviously, this sadist uses the em dash as a whip.

[Tiger the Lion]

This is one of the reasons I love The Pen so much. I basically ran out of gas near the end of NaPM and haven't posted a crit or poem of substance since. I love that I don't have to force a long poem for crit, but can have a 3 line idea for a senryu and have it chewed on. What are the implications of the em dash? Is this one sentence or two? These are the blocks that build bigger poems. I post 7 words and get to see what worked, what didn't, and sometimes, why.
Thanks,
Paul
-- genie jumps from a bottle
asking 'what is your wish?'
wife looks at me and says,
'you better tell him your good'