Growing

[RiverNotch]

GROWING

Before a boy can be a beard,
he first must be a goat --
before your wisdom can be heard,
a demon -- to be stoned.

[Achebe]

shouldn't it just be 'must a demon be stoned'?
Replacing 'can be' with 'is' saves one word
But I don't get the connection between a boy being a kid and the temptation of Christ

[RiverNotch]

well, it must. i guess the syntax is a little ambiguous: the boy is the demon, what with the whole goat thing
replacing can be with is would junk up the meter, i think
also, temptation of Christ? i don't see where that comes from
but thanks for the response!

[Achebe]

Wasn't the demon stoning a reference to the devil 'turn these stones into bread', whom Jesus refused (metaphorically 'stoned')? Or have I caught the wrong meaning?
The meter sounds ok in my head.

[RiverNotch]

it was really more "people gonna stone things they don't understand" and all that junk

[Lizzie]

I think a 'temptation of Christ' reference would be brilliant in that second bit, actually.

I'd sacrifice meter before clarity. My two cents.

[nibbed]

Hi, River Notch

GROWING

Before a boy can be a beard,
he first must be a goat --
before your wisdom can be heard,
a demon -- to be stoned.


The meter is strong, I know.
I can visualize it
as a metaphoric fortune cookie
that crumbles as I fumble,
releasing its wise strip of paper.
I'm not sure if the title
is troubling and frightening,
or if I am just going the wrong way.

Thank you for this opportunity
to critique River Notch

[CRNDLSM]

I learned this from the show 'glee': A 'beard' is a slang term for a woman married to a gay man to make him seem not gay.  She's his beard.  I'm sure a boy who identifies as a woman  might one day want to be one, then may also marry a man depending I guess on where he lives and his sexual preferences, and I'm sure certain organizations would want to stone him for his life decisions.  My only issue is with the beard as a symbol of masculinity, especially when goats have beards too.  Hope this helps!