Untitled Melancholy

[heslopian]

there have been time
when the veil has lifted,
and the dawn has swum -
like a reluctant shark
who knows it must feed soon,
but doesn't have the energy --
near to where I stand
on the rim of darkness,
the forest behind me
and a cliff edge before.

how long have I resisted
the hermit's tender song,
escaping as it does through
the dense mass of trees,
from where his tiny
wooden shack
resides in emptiness.

he is bored of solitude.
squirrel meat clutters his stove,
and where he carves them
on the kitchen table
two chairs stare back at him,
the second one made
on a desperate whim.

he could take care of me.
but the shadows which slash
his grim surroundings,
the abandoment of consciousness
and all morality, until perhaps
this inner home becomes
my breathing tomb,
terrifies my coward's soul.

thus, I stand on the edge
and examine the ships,
distant as they stride
the far horizon, wearing
leather shoes and
having careers,
and I treasure the hints
at an approaching dawn,
no matter how false,
or how scarce.

[billy]

i think this has nits in a few places but i think they disappear the more you read.
i found the last verse to be sad and at the same time beautiful

the 3rd stanza is the same. it has a haunting quality. a sadness that overlays
his need to be alone and longing not to be.

the penultimate stanza again carries so much sadness.
the fear of loneliness, the reality of it being there for ever.

after a few reads i found it to be an excellent write jack. (for me)

thanks for the read

[addy]

Wonderful. Everything's great, and the third stanza was my favorite... understated, but carries so much atmosphere and character in it, a great support for the rest of the poem.

[heslopian]

Thank you Billy and Addy; this is my personal favourite from my entire bibliography, so your kind words mean the world to me

[Todd]

Jack, I think this is one of your best pieces. There is some real honest emotion here. To the lines:

there have been times, of late,--I understand the conversational tone but unless you are going to bring up or hint at why "of late" these moods have settled on the speaker I think you can cut the "of late"qualifier.
when the veil has lifted,--I take this to mean that the speaker sees life or presumes that they see life as it truly is.
and the dawn has swum -
like a reluctant shark--great image
who knows it must feed soon,
but doesn't have the energy - and you build upon the image well. Punctuation note (more typo note really) I think you need two hypens to effectively show an emdash.
near to where I stand
on the rim of darkness,
the forest behind me
and a cliff edge before.--These last four lines have a Charles Simic quality about them (like Clouds Gathering, or The White Room)

how long have I resisted
the hermit's tender song,--interesting choice of tender here. It helps direct the read
escaping as it does through --I like how the song escapes and the person wants to escape
the dense mass of trees,
from where his tiny
wooden shack
resides in emptiness.--gorgeous writing all of it

he is bored of solitude.
squirrel meat clutters his stove,--absolutely love that detail
and where he carves them
on the kitchen table
two chairs stare back at him,
the second one made
on a desperate whim.--also a great few lines, love the idea of the second chair

he could take care of me.
but the shadows which slash
his grim surroundings,
the abandoment of consciousness
and all morality, until perhaps
this inner home becomes
my breathing tomb,
terrifies my coward's soul.--the dark side of being alone

thus, I stand on the edge
and examine the ships,
distant as they stride
the far horizon, wearing
leather shoes and
having careers,--Now it is a turn from the hermit. We are now looking at a more inclusive view but still in its own way a form of escapism.
and I treasure the hints
at an approaching dawn,
no matter how false,
or how scarce.--I thought the how false or how scarce ending was extremely effective.

This is a moving poem. It hits very hard.

Thank you for sharing it.

Best,

Todd

[heslopian]

Thank you for your kind feedback, Todd By "the veil has lifted," I meant that the depression has dissipated, but yes, my use of that phrase would certainly imply the interpretation which you made. I'll make the edits you recommended as soon as I've finished this. Thanks again