Assimilate (rewritten)

[laltieri0]

EDIT 3:

Assimilation: a vulture.
It's gutting preservation, encircling custom
to pick us apart, rip at the ridge
of our fastening sinews. 

We tremor, clutching
to convention with the last gasps
in our lilliputian lungs.

In safeguard we cluster,
collect our bodies in the street to blanket
the fear of disintegration, to confound
this carnivore, lazy above us.

Frantic! Beguile
lest habit's beak shreds
our body, this mouse:
culture's diminutive corpse.


EDIT 2

"Nesting"

Assimilation guts preservation. Only
convention fastens us to custom.
Conserve like minded company
but coalesce publicly
lest habit's beak
shreds us like a mouse--
culture's diminutive corpse.



Edit :
"Assimilate"
Alteration or individual preservation?  Only
convention fastens us
to culture lest habit's beak
shreds it like a mouse,
this diminutive corpse.

original: 
Alteration or preservation?  Only
retrospection fastens us
to convention lest habit's beak
swallows it like mice,
these diminutive corpses.

[just mercedes]

Hi - short sharp thought here! A bit confused though.



Alteration or preservation?  Only
retrospection fastens us
to convention lest habit's beak I disagree that only retrospection fastens us to convention. A child learns habitual behaviour without knowing its basis or its history, and without having developed the ability to look back.
swallows it like mice, Does a beak swallow? Or is it the throat that swallows?
these diminutive corpses. corpses? then the previous line should read 'swallows them'

I appreciate your play with the sounds of words, and the imagery of 'habit's beak' is fresh. However, the basic premise doesn't hold water, for me.

[laltieri0]

Mercedes, thanks for the crit! I think I may be able to clarify my thoughts through this edit. Please give it a read!

[Achebe]

Don't see how the opening question is being addressed in the rest of the poem.
What's the 'it'? if culture, then the 'this' after 'it' is confusing to me at least. 'The' seems more appropriate if ugly. 
Do you mean 'habit' or originality?
I would see habit  and convention as belonging together, making the line hard to decipher again.

[laltieri0]

Achebe, thanks for your feedback.  I'm trying to clear up my line of thought.  It's always easy to understand when it's your own work!!!!!

[tectak]

question-- should I expand the imagery to more than the last few lines?


EDIT 2

"Nesting"

Assimilation guts preservation. Only
convention fastens us to custom.
Conserve like minded company
but coalesce publicly
lest habit's beak
shreds us like a mouse--
culture's diminutive corpse.

Hello lalt,
Please think no less of me  but I would hesitantly like to remind you that this is a "poetry" workshop.There is nothing in the definition of poetry--frankly, there is no definition--that prohibits you from posting a point in two sentences and hoping it is poetic. Except when it isn't....and this isn't.
The problem is multi-level. You are "asking" for crit in a poetry workshopping forum...so I ask you,what's to crit? Is what you post clear in intent? Look at the first line. Read it out loud to your pizza delivery boy. Is he dazzled by its perspicacity? No, I think not. Is he horripilating at its emotional high? Doubtful. Is he in awe of the phraseology? Unlikely. Does he have any bloody idea what you are talking about? Well, I don't either. You have made a simple (bleedin' obvious) point obscure. Why? Did someone say that made it poetry? Try as I might, I cannot see what this opener achieves. If "guts" is an adjective then peristalsis is a city in Mongolia. Try to write in a clear fashion. The poetry may or may not follow but you will have more time to consider metre, rhyme  metaphor, syntax, imagery and INTENT. What you have written is at best, and in more than one area, inconsequential.
Editing on this small scale will be as difficult as crit. I do not have enough going in in the piece to make more useful comment than I have, hopefully, already. The enjambment at L1 end is moronic. Perhaps enough is just right. Oh, and do try to "clear your thoughts before posting the results of your unclear thinking.
Best,
tectak

Edit :
"Assimilate"
Alteration or individual preservation?  Only
convention fastens us
to culture lest habit's beak
shreds it like a mouse,
this diminutive corpse.

original: 
Alteration or preservation?  Only
retrospection fastens us
to convention lest habit's beak
swallows it like mice,
these diminutive corpses.

[laltieri0]

Tectak, I appreciate such honesty. Thank you for taking your time to reply to my post.  Your comments were valid and will be in the back of my mind when I look at my own posts and private work moving forward.