Behemoth

[RiverNotch]

I tried to make a somewhat kookier sequel to "Song of the Mortal God", one with way denser references and way weirder structures, but I'm not sure if I succeeded, even in making something that is at least understandable.

The poem this jumps off from I already posted in a critical forum, but I'll spoiler it in here for convenience, with a slight edit to include section titles.

SONG OF THE MORTAL GOD

1 - The Kingdom of Darkness
Don't patronize me--
isn't this how things should go?
Like the fungus
flowering on a lion's body,
one's creation
becomes the canvas of another.

2 - The Flood
How could I rejoice
here at the end of all things?
This is Daniel's dream:
the lion's roar, the voice of kings.
Then it thunders,
matter turning into light.

I was leaning against the darkness
before this mess. And from that height,
you all looked like ants 
flying from the flood. But God
always demands an answer:
and I left the moonlit porch, 
my piece of night, for a better view.

3 - Man and Commonwealth
Strange. Every man, every woman,
whatever the cloak, whatever the station,
has a smile
painted on his face
even as he drowns.

We knew this is what you wanted:
you asked for water, we gave you water.
The joke is you're all enjoying it:
like good little ants, you build bridges
out of your own bodies. 

Meanwhile, the morning comes.
Black, blind imitation of God,
after the kingdoms come the judgments,
the echoes, the reflections--
And so the solitude of the victor,
the shame of the defeated...

4 - Qoheleth
There are no lions 
in the new world. Only ants
scattered across avenues of ash,
and towering around them,
toadstools. Foolish king
of the hill, what did you hear?
There is nothing to him but fear,
and now you belong
neither to heaven nor to earth.

BEHEMOTH

1 - Meditation

Don't bother me, I'm
waiting - for the day
will come - when flesh and blood
will come - 
            through the window
like Saint Michael - like the light
of the sun - and the sound
of the occasional - gun.

2 - Address to a Gun

Hallowed instrument, I've
been raped - by the Sword
of Great Gospel - 
                  been taught well,
but now - morning
Shadow - and Sex.

So abideth
faith, hope, love - most revered forms
of the night -  
               into which we're born,
               out of which we die - 
                                     we cry,
do not go gentle! - 
we fools, 
          in the middle - 
torn
between the sensual - and sublime!

3 - The Mirror

Like clear water light - upon the eye
becoming an icon - of the sky,
only - as blue is blue in days
of calm - so gilt in haze:

heaven is shut up
to me! - her lock,
         a hot flash - of Joseph's coat
         specked with blood - of devil goat
and brown of the dry well -
                              hell!
       living should not be - 
Limbo, 
and flesh formed - not for punishment
but for - unseen, unheard, unspoken:

The Holy Trinity,
lion hive of honey - and lamb shorn
into address - of angels
wings hacked off - doves
                   drowned,
sinews of the stones - bound
by withered oak - and cedar tail of promise,
only - 
       as Sylvia's suicide by man
       and horse - and gas, 
                            so the father's
                            final solution.

4 - Moriah

Unbound November, remember
the horned ram - filling the caldron
and three score barrels - with toiling fire,
with blood -  
             like the Star
over Sodom - like the Axe
on the King's Neck - Commonwealth,
come not with peace - but with a Sword!

[cidermaid]

Hi Rivernotch,

There is lots going on in here. Too much really. The jumps from one item of address to the next are very abrupt.
I am reading this as a modern twist of a Biblical address to the nations. I am fully conversant with many of the Biblically based images and references within your poem, but this is a confusing read. I would like to see this more as a series or separate poems to flesh out the ideas and make them more accessible.

[RiverNotch]

Thanks, cider! It seems with this specific narrative, I keep jumping into density -- this one's elder was criticized as being a little overmuch too, though with it having a clear "key", it was a little less painful. I'll have to let this fester a bit more, though -- maybe even move on for a while to its planned sister (if the first one's based on Leviathan, and this one on Behemoth, then the third one should be Ziz), or something.

[RiverNotch]

Though now I am better seeing your point -- I think the first two sections are pretty clear (but the second section, perhaps a little too 'universal' to be of as much value -- then again, it feels right, considering the context, and this piece's older sister), but then everything begins to devolve by the third part (especially with the Plath reference -- I mean, sure, I referred to Dylan Thomas, too, but that wasn't as blatant), finally collapsing unto its own weight by the fourth. I'm contemplating leaving the first two sections unchanged, then splitting bits of ideas from the latter two into another poem, developing both fragments -- but not right now, I guess, with NaPM and the semester ending and me not being as well read as I planned to and junk. But again, thanks for the feedback!

[Achebe]

RN - even the first two bits are too closed. I can't make sense of this at all, but there are some nice images here and there. Such as being raped by the gospel.
I'm waiting for the day when you'll post a pome without biblical references though :-p

[RiverNotch]

RN - even the first two bits are too closed. I can't make sense of this at all, but there are some nice images here and there. Such as being raped by the gospel.
I'm waiting for the day when you'll post a pome without biblical references though  :-p

i think my older ones, when i wasn't such an active bible reader
also some of the stuff at NaPM, only now they're sorta leaning on movies, or the Tarot

it's hard not to lean on anything but words xD