Colette Peignot

[Acephale]

This was a quick write. Didn't know if I should add more. Note: Sade as in Marquis de Sade.

Colette Peignot

Hail to the queens who love Mirbeau and Sade
and laugh where others weep;
they archive words for their maraud
and target those asleep. 

They bridge the gap of yesteryear
with violent prose and cons
and beckon children to come near
for whoring to the johns. 

They do not lack moralities 
but mock who think they do,
yet quander feasibilities
for those that might be true.

They seek to haunt, refine, and scare
with a vulgar sharpened tongue,
and remind us death’s the love affair
that plague the old and young. 

[Achebe]

A lovely piece, but the meaning of the lines seems forced to fit the rhyme in quite a few places. Perhaps something for the next iteration. Eg 'Prose and cons' - I get the pun, but how exactly are they bridging the gap etc through cons?
What's "quander"?

'Hail to the lovers of Mirbeau' ect fits the meter better

[billy]

add a title, it will improve it threefold

This was a quick write. Didn't know if I should add more. 

Untitled 

Hail to the queens who love Mirbeau and Sade
and laugh where others weep;
they archive words for their maraud
and target those asleep. 

They bridge the gap of yesteryear
with violent prose and cons
and beacon children to come near
for whoring to the johns. 

They do not lack moralities 
but mock who think they do,
yet quander feasibilities
for those that might be true.

They seek to haunt, refine, and scare
with a vulgar sharpened tongue,
and remind us death’s the love affair
that plague the old and young. 

[jeh]

The rhyme seems forced to me and doesn’t work that well in my opinion. It reads like you came up with a lot of the lines in order to rhyme.

If death is a love affair, then how does it plague the old and young? It would be welcome.

What does work is that you’ve got a consistent theme throughout and the idea flows through. It’s just limited by the forced rhyming. But then I write nearly everything in free verse, so we have different styles of what we like.

[Acephale]

If death is a love affair, then how does it plague the old and young? It would be welcome.

The poem is about women who are influenced by texts that are pornographic, vulgar, misogynistic or sadistic in nature. Whether all meaning is by contrast, a fear of death, or you are death driven, it's in a sense our only real love affair.

A lovely piece, but the meaning of the lines seems forced to fit the rhyme in quite a few places. Perhaps something for the next iteration. Eg 'Prose and cons' - I get the pun, but how exactly are they bridging the gap etc through cons?
What's "quander"?

Their prose are a form of opposition. That's what I had in mind.

quander - question and ponder

[jeh]

The poem is about women who are influenced by texts that are pornographic, vulgar, misogynistic or sadistic in nature. Whether all meaning is by contrast, a fear of death, or you are death driven, it's in a sense our only real love affair.

> How is interest in pornography or BDSM a fear of death? The two are not related.

[Acephale]

The poem is about women who are influenced by texts that are pornographic, vulgar, misogynistic or sadistic in nature. Whether all meaning is by contrast, a fear of death, or you are death driven, it's in a sense our only real love affair.

> How is interest in pornography or BDSM a fear of death? The two are not related.

They are, in fact, related. Death drive means a compulsion towards death just to clarify. Sade and Mirebeau use pornography in their work, but the nature of their work is ultimately philosophical. Many surrealists, existentialists, dadaists, and nihilists would later use them as evidence for arguments or a source of inspiration. The only thing you need to take away is that everything constructed is relative to death. 

The texts themselves were not created with the notion women were equals, so as a woman, you develop a sense of humor. You can see its brilliance, but the content itself is misogynistic. BDSM power structures were used to make political arguments, and later used to link death and sensuality. 

I did have something in mind when I wrote this. It's probably just too esoteric, and now that I look at it I think it's missing a stanza.

[Achebe]

Their prose are a form of opposition. That's what I had in mind.

I get the general idea, but "con" is an opposition to something. They bridge the gap with violent cons = with violent arguments against bridging the gap of yesteryear?
That's the only meaning that can be inferred from the sentence as it stands.

For the pun to work, I think you need to continue after "con" in the next line and talk about what is being argued against.

[taratica]

Hi

This is my first bit of feedback. I've only read a couple of poems here, so far, but chose yours because I think that it has great potential. I especially loved the first and second stanzas. The words are strong and the rhythm draws you in.

You must be doing something right, because I had no clue (just because of lack of exposure/experience) about the true theme of the poem, but I loved it all the same. I felt a little lost in the last two stanzas.

Your first two stanzas are very witty. The wordplay pleases me. I do not think that the rhyming in the first half of the poem is forced at all.

Thank you for Sharing.
Tara

add a title, it will improve it threefold

This was a quick write. Didn't know if I should add more. 

Untitled 

Hail to the queens who love Mirbeau and Sade
and laugh where others weep;
they archive words for their maraud
and target those asleep. 

They bridge the gap of yesteryear
with violent prose and cons
and beacon children to come near
for whoring to the johns. 

They do not lack moralities 
but mock who think they do,
yet quander feasibilities
for those that might be true.

They seek to haunt, refine, and scare
with a vulgar sharpened tongue,
and remind us death’s the love affair
that plague the old and young.