Ethics (edit 1.00 River Notch)

[Erthona]

Ethics

To sacrifice the one for ten
would seem to be the lesser sin,
but judgments in temporal air
think not of those who live not there
and who will play the tricks on he
when other men he tries to lead.
When to ignore the unseen muse
will aptly set him out to lose.
For just as soon as he does rule,
he'll be broken and shown the fool.



Original
 
To sacrifice the one for the ten,
would seem to be the lesser sin,
but making judgments in temporal air
considers not, those who live not there,
and who will play the trick on he,
when other men he tries to lead,
for to ignore, the invisible muse,
will aptly set him out to lose,
for just as soon, as he does rule,
will he be broken, and shown the fool.

erthona

[RiverNotch]

Ethics
 
To sacrifice the one for the ten, Why the comma? The "the" in "the ten" seems to break the rhythm.
would seem to be the lesser sin,
but making judgments in temporal air
considers not, those who live not there, No need for comma between not and those. The rhythm in "those who live not there" is off -- maybe: "considers not those yet to live [out] there"? or of course something better. And maybe semicolon by the end, instead of comma.
and who will play the trick on he, It's already an imperfect rhyme, so I'd think "him" would be excusable/
when other men he tries to lead, Better to end this sentence here -- question mark instead of comma.
for to ignore, the invisible muse, No need for any of the commas here. "The invisible muse" again stumbles, but this time it feels excusable, since it could just as easily be read as "th'excusable" (although to spell that out here would be kinda cheesy).
will aptly set him out to lose,
for just as soon, as he does rule, Again, no need for the commas here. Probably better:
For to ignore the invisible muse
will aptly set him out to lose,
and just as soon as he does rule
will he be broken, shown the fool!
will he be broken, and shown the fool.

Commentary on Trump, perhaps? Feels like it could apply --
erthona