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(04-29-2016, 10:13 PM)bedeep Wrote: Not OTT at all, at all. (I did note the tense change within the last stanza which should probably be made consistent throughout the poem, past or present, at some point... but it in no way lessened the impact of the piece.)
Thanks for that, I will take a look. Its been an absolute pleasure reading all your poems.
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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Cantata
A devil was dancing to elegant tunes,
a moonlight sonata for one,
when over the strains of the soft violin
a beat bittersweet was begun.
The flames sighed and sickened, the dance lost its way,
the glow faded out of the skies,
the beat bittersweet played its siren song to
the devil with tears in its eyes.
The faded grey stars don't remember the song,
but tunelessly hum to the night;
the devil is gone but its footprints remain,
illumined by bittersweet light.
It could be worse
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(04-30-2016, 04:37 AM)Keith Wrote: (04-29-2016, 10:13 PM)bedeep Wrote: Not OTT at all, at all. (I did note the tense change within the last stanza which should probably be made consistent throughout the poem, past or present, at some point... but it in no way lessened the impact of the piece.)
Thanks for that, I will take a look. Its been an absolute pleasure reading all your poems.
Very kind of you to say. I've not said about a lot of individual poems that really sang to me, it's been an amazing group and yours are always worth close attention.
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PASSAGE OUT OF THE DREAMING
something about water being thicker than blood,
about clear urine diluting funkless semen
some awful joke about sphincters, about muscle relaxants
someone drinking a glass of almost-water, doing a spit take
something bursting out of the normally flat screen of my phone
something about the way those words swim about like moray eels on the prowl
something bursting out of the waters of the toilet
something about the picture of Jesus the old woman at the photocopyist's showed me,
about the blood and the water pouring out of his heart, or rather the hole in his liver
someone drinking a glass of gin, doing a spit take
something about moving to some far away Arcadia, maybe Canada
someone chasing after me, like Droids, like the Empire, like the First Order
something childish: wrists poised, fingers pointed, mouths going psshew! psshew! psshew!
something about the technical specifications of my stolen editing software
something about the pleasures of orgasm, of all those sighs and spasms
something about the river Lethe coursing through the pipes
someone's grandmother passing away at the church steps
some awful joke about dilution
someone wakes up, has a cold shower