Words

[DC Black]

These are the things that bind me:
Children, the best of my soul,
Words, always
Love
Hatred
These things ground me.
They halt my fanciful flights
Down dark, monstrous roads
Bags haphazardly packed beside me
And favourite tunes blaring loud,
Holding me so tight
Reminding me of when.
They stop me testing the great unknown,
Not yet, I'm not there yet,
I have so many more words still to read,
Still to say.

[UselessBlueprint]

Abstraction and arbitration aside (love, hatred, words), I like "Bags haphazardly packed beside me." The rest is nothing spectacular to me. The favourite tunes holding tight portion bothers me, as it creates an incomprehensible image of intangible music holding a tangible person. Better just to say it comforts you. "Reminding me of when." I'm not even sure how to describe what's wrong with this line, other than "when what?" The punctuation and mechanics are wildly inconsistent, so making any sense of this is a chore.

[Winter.Rain]

I'm really unclear on what the message is supposed to be, I thint that wold be the best place to start. There were some words that seemed like they were thrown in there completely at random ("words, always", "love", "hatred"). I actually do like the line about the music holding you but I would find a more poetic way of saying it.

[DC Black]

Thanks to both of you for taking the time to read and comment, that has made my day! Is it wrong to be giddy over Uselessblueprint liking a line? This is my first attempt at poetry, ever and I have come here to learn, already I have found that abstract themes are frowned upon in modern poetry so that was a good lesson in itself, I have no argument with anything you have both said. If either of you can bear to reviiew would this be better?
And Bowie tunes blaring loud,
holding me so tight
reminding me of stardust days.

[shemthepenman]

hello, so, from what i can see there is quite a bit wrong with this; yet, it has certain elements that i really like. let's have a look.

These are the things that bind me: - this sounds like it should be a refrain; turns out, it isn't. i like the idea of it, binding of oneself, implying both a unified and fragmented 'whole'. also, binding has, at the same time, positive and negative connotations. and this is all done without explicitly contradictory words or language; very good stuff. some might say it is a bit open, but fuck 'em.
Children, the best of my soul, - yep.
Words, always 
Love
Hatred - now we run into our evidence for 'this is my first attempt at poetry'. you've gone off road. punctuation is transformative. try to use it properly, and then, at the very least, it will give the impression of intention, giving the reader a sense of trust, and hence, a willingness to take seriously what is presented. having made a vague sense of it, i would also question the word order - and the word choice, although, i realise the word choice is pretty much fundamental to the poem.
These things ground me. - i hate to get all logical, but are the previous things the things that bind you or the things that ground you? it doesn't matter, i would prefer a refrain of the first line, anyway.
They halt my fanciful flights - entirely rethink this line. don't cut it, but, seriously rework it.
Down dark, monstrous roads - ditto
Bags haphazardly packed beside me - this is indeed a nice line. a nice concrete line. also, this is where the refrain can come in, because you have apparently jumped from the effect of the things that bind you to another set of 'things' that bind you. it could come before or after the list. add to taste.
And favourite tunes blaring loud, - i think you can do better. but it isn't terrible.
Holding me so tight
Reminding me of when. - yeah, it kind of tales off here. the rest is weak cliche rubbish. my advice would be lose the lines post this point, and carry on; it feels like you gave up too soon. i want to hear more.
They stop me testing the great unknown,
Not yet, I'm not there yet,
I have so many more words still to read,
Still to say.

well, that's about it. i will say, you mentioned in a comment about being 'abstract' or 'abstract themes' being unwelcome in modern poetry. i wouldn't put too much stock in that opinion. using concrete language is preferable, yet, all shades of poetry have the potential to be done well. and for my money, i would much rather read an entirely abstract poem done well, than some lazy half-arsed poem about cooking breakfast under the tenuous pretext of adult-angst or jaded cynicism [something not frowned upon enough in modern poetry].

[QDeathstar]

I don't know. I really like this. It's line breaks are perfect for me. It grabs my attention. I think there are a few major problems though that have skewed some critics view of the piece.


The title is generic and boring. And redundant. It makes me sigh when I read it... And frankly I felt regret having clicked the link to a poem entitled Words. Make it something more meaningful. Titles are important.

Secondly the poem starts strong and steadily weakens. The first few lines l, even the one word ones which some people take issue with, are perfect for me... But after that it sort of stumbles into cliche.

[DC Black]

Thanks to Shem and Qdeath, it's a bit crap isn't it? However, the floodgates have now opened so expect more :-) Shem, this made me laugh, a lot .""" I would much rather read an entirely abstract poem done well, than some lazy half-arsed poem about cooking breakfast under the tenuous pretext of adult-angst or jaded cynicism [something not frowned upon enough in modern poetry]".
I have no clue, yet, about the technicalities of poetry but I do think that a poem should elicit some emotion. Thanks for reading, I shall do the same.

[rocky20]

Nicely done! I like the lyric quality of the piece and the mystery of it's meaning, leaving the poem open to easy interpretation to the reader.

However, I get stuck on the word "bind" in the first line. What are you bound to and how do all of the pieces fit? Or are they supposed to fit? The piece does have a little bit of a anxious feeling and hopefully that was on purpose: not knowing what or why exactly grounds us to place, a time? The poem made me think, and that in my mind is one of the beauties of poetry, so thank you!

[The Raven]

These are the things that bind me:
Children, the best of my soul,
Words, always
Love
Hatred
These things ground me.
They halt my fanciful flights
Down dark, monstrous roads
Bags haphazardly packed beside me
And favourite tunes blaring loud,
Holding me so tight I had to stop and think who ( or what) for a moment, just a little vague 
Reminding me of when. when what?
They stop me testing the great unknown,
Not yet, I'm not there yet, Where? if it's to do with life. perhaps make it more clear
I have so many more words still to read,
Still to say.

[Bunx]

These are the things that bind me:
Children, the best of my soul,
Words, always
Love
Hatred
These things ground me.
They halt my fanciful flights
Down dark, monstrous roads
Bags haphazardly packed beside me
And favourite tunes blaring loud, Favorite
Holding me so tight
Reminding me of when.
They stop me testing the great unknown,
Not yet, I'm not there yet,
I have so many more words still to read,
Still to say.

I feel like I understand where your going with this poem, but I think you can say it more concise and clear. Sometimes it is hard to break apart your ideas,
ex: 
They stop me testing the great unknown,
Not yet, I'm not there yet,
I have so many more words still to read,
Still to say.

When you say "they" be more clear, are you talking about Love and Hate, Tunes, or your favorite book. Let the reader know exactly what you mean, what is stopping you from exploring? I would try and simplify you theme and make it clear point by point. 

Enjoyed the message and the read! Thanks for joining the site and posting! 

[Julius]

I quite like what you are trying to do and what you have produced is, in my opinion, quite effective. It could do with trimming to cut out some words and make the line breaks more effective - but this seems to me a good attempt. I wonder if you have read "The Red Wheelbarrow" which is brief and holds a kick with every line break. Click on the link if interested

https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/red-wheelbarrow

[(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻]

I'd suggest to combine "love" and "hatred" in one line and add punctuation instead of indentation to make the poem more concise.

[jeh]

Something here that is not quite working is the punctuation. And I hate to be the one to call out punctuation because I hate it when others do it to me. But if you're not going to use punctuation, then you need to be intending that the reader runs your lines together when they read it. Based on the capitalization that you are using, and the words themselves, I don't think that is what you are meaning. For example: "Words, always / Love / Hatred / These things ground me" reads like you really mean "Words, always: / Love, / Hatred; / These things ground me." That would be the more logical punctuation that you would use.

Favorite is misspelled.

Every line starts with a capital letter and I don't think that's what you intend. If a sentence or phrase continues to the next line, use lower case for that. Uppercase implies something important or a new sentence/phrase.

It would be a pretty nice poem if you addressed the things I mention above. Semi-colons are extremely useful in poetry.

These are the things that bind me:
Children, the best of my soul,
Words, always
Love
Hatred
These things ground me.
They halt my fanciful flights
Down dark, monstrous roads
Bags haphazardly packed beside me
And favourite tunes blaring loud,
Holding me so tight
Reminding me of when.
They stop me testing the great unknown,
Not yet, I'm not there yet,
I have so many more words still to read,
Still to say.

[DC Black]

Thank you to all of you for taking the time to read and comment, it is really appreciated. Jeh, 'favourite' is not misspelled, I am English and that's the way we spell it :-)

[bluerain_]

Hello,

I like what you were trying to say. More punctuation could of been helpful. Love, and hatred should be combined. Other than those, I don't have anything to say. It's clear what you were saying. You had my attention.

Best of luck,
Danielle

[babymonkey]

Nice poem. There are a lot of interesting thoughts there in your writing. For example, how hatred grounds you, halting your fanciful flights is a fascinating idea to me. Usually love, not hate, stabilizes one's soul. May be you would like to write more about that.

Keep up your marvelous work! Thank you for sharing your poem with us on the forum.

[seastar3949]

I like the theme of it - things that bind you
Children, words, love, and hatred

In this section
Children, the best of my soul,
Words, always
Love
Hatred

I am compelled to make more rooms between "words" and "love" because children and words are in some sort of physical form but love and hatred are emotions. I feel you can elaborate more on why children and words bind you then talk about love and hatred

To make it more poetic, you might want to somehow align "love" to the line "Children, the best of my soul" and do the same for "hatred" to the line "Words, always"

For example:
Love, the fuel of my heart
hatred, maybe

Someone commented on this part earlier and felt "words" "love" and "hatred" were thrown in there at random. I think having a little bit of rhythm in the format will make it more interesting to read.

Hope those are constructive and helpful feedback.

Vii