Vampire Day

[dukealien]

Vampire Day


The sky’s a rumpled blanket,
sun shines from, not through
a nacreous, dove-wing underlay.
Nervous juncos, chickadees
glance everywhere about
light but oppressive stillness,
tentative, not quite afraid.

It’s Groundhog Day according to
the missing sun and its
enmeshing, human calendar.
Poor groundhog!  On a sky-glow day like this,
no-one, no tree,
not Washington’s Monument
or the Taj Mahal could show a shadow.

Vampires can walk abroad, reveling
amazed by a sunless day,
its sky like loosely-pleated silk
of their caskets’ linings.

---

A day without shadows is like... um, a busted simile?

[cidermaid]

Hi read this a couple of times and I get the fun element of it, but the first stanza feels at odds with the rest of the poem.  (A semi serious / heavy start and then we switch to groundhog day)

Vampire Day


The sky’s a rumpled blanket,
sun shines from, not through
a nacreous, dove-wing underlay.
Nervous juncos, chickadees   In particular the last four lines of this don't fit the poem, for my read i could loose them and not miss them.
glance everywhere about
light but oppressive stillness,
tentative, not quite afraid.

It’s Groundhog Day according to
the missing sun and its
enmeshing, human calendar.
Poor groundhog!  On a sky-glow day like this,
no-one, no tree,
not Washington’s Monument
or the Taj Mahal could show a shadow.

Vampires can walk abroad, reveling
amazed by a sunless day,
its sky like loosely-pleated silk
of their caskets’ linings.

---

A day without shadows is like... um, a busted simile?

I know this is the fun section so no crit or comment asked or needed, but just thought I would offer something by way of showing I had read this and given it due appreciation. 
I liked the overall effect of the poem.
AJ

[Achebe]

Nice one. I had Guinea pigs for pets and can sympathise with their cousins the poor groundhogs (same piggie teeth).
Didn't care much for sky-glow. Too faux poetic. Otherwise, nice. Great last 2 lines.

[dukealien]

Thanks for the reads.  This was in the nature of a stream-of-consciousness, noticing those poor birds nervous about having no shadows (the juncos, in particular, who rely on counter-shading for invisibility on snow).

@cidermaid - Crit is fine, I was half-minded to put this on a crit forum but haven't critiqued much lately so was conserving my tickets, as it were.  I agree the transition from reality to fantasy is a little rough there.

@achebe - "Cloud-lit," perhaps?  I was running out of ways to say "the sun wasn't out but it was still bright"   .