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IMPATIENCE
Oh! that I should die today,
and leave my sins behind --
and leave the Jacob's ladder,
the holy mount, unclimbed?
I know I shall not die a Saint --
that summit fails my pride.
But I shall die a champion still,
and leave a will unsigned!
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(02-21-2016, 01:24 AM)RiverNotch Wrote: IMPATIENCE
Oh! that I should die today,
and leave my sins behind --
and leave the Jacob's ladder,
the holy mount, unclimbed?
I know I shall not die a saint --
the summit fails my pride.
But I shall die a champion still,
and leave a will unsigned!
Would you really be impatient to die today just to avoid becoming a better man? Surely, if you wanted to remain a 'sinner', you'd love life enough to not want to die. I can't understand the poem's logic.
Otherwise, nice pome.
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe
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(02-21-2016, 01:24 AM)RiverNotch Wrote: IMPATIENCE
Oh! that I should die today,
and leave my sins behind --
and leave the Jacob's ladder,
the holy mount, unclimbed?
I know I shall not die a saint --
the summit fails my pride.
But I shall die a champion still,
and leave a will unsigned!
Hey River. I like this but a few questions... " THE Jacob's ladder" sounds wrong. Also, I can't really reconcile the question mark after "unclimbed". But I like it regardless. Lastly, I keep wondering if "the summit" should be "that summit" since by my read "saint" defines the summit. Really like unclimbed/unsigned.
Paul
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I forgot to capitalize Saint, but I'm not sure that would clarify things. I meant Saint as in a holy and saved dude to be venerated (I guess a liturgical saint), not merely a saved dude, but whatever; thus also question mark.
As for your point, Achebe, I think you generalize the nature of being a sinner too much -- there are, at least based on the stuff I've experienced and read, many different kinds of despair, of being a truly unrepentant sinner. I'm betting true, er, hedonists are very, very few among the house of the world, complete surrender to sinful nature being despair's both lowest (as in the ignorant) and the highest (as in the existentially realized) forms. And there are certain forms of the Christian faith that, if thought through enough, really could leave to this sort of suicidal silliness: to wit, "since I've been saved and am born again, and there are already many evangelists throughout this place, then why do I have to keep on living, especially since I suffer so? perhaps even that is God's plan for me -- God, after all, is beyond our conceptions of sin", and so on.
"A" could be right, but "the" in "Jacob's ladder" for me works better because it limits it to one thing, to one grand stairway to heaven -- "a" might lead to unhealthy thoughts of, say, the kind of flowering plant.
"The" or "that" I don't think matter, but your point stands, Paul. I'll change it.
Thanks for the feedback.
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Does anyone die a Saint?
I thought it took a beatification, a proven miracle and three Hail Marys. Or is that just Catholicism?
Either way, I like the poem. I agree that 'the' Jacob's Ladder doesn't sound right but I understand why you have included it.
Cheers for the read,
Mark
 wae aye man ye radgie
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RN,
Iambic trimeter - L1 is a bit off and as "Champion" in L7 is three syllables, "still" is not needed. Outside of that it is a very clear and provocative poem. Also has a nice energy to it.
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
just mercedes
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I like the free-flowing feel to your poem, the way thoughts follow on. The line I had problems with is 'the summit fails my pride'. The subject, therefore the meaning, is reversed to fit the rhyme scheme.
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Thanks for the feedback!
Mark: Well, the churches, Catholic, Orthodox, and not-weird Protestant, only recognize and venerate Saints, not make them -- once you're a Saint, you died a Saint.
dale: I was going for ballad meter, but I couldn't think of ways to make lines 1 and 3 clean enough, and I was satisfied with the spring between "still" and "will".
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(02-25-2016, 05:47 PM)RiverNotch Wrote: Mark: Well, the churches, Catholic, Orthodox, and not-weird Protestant, only recognize and venerate Saints, not make them -- once you're a Saint, you died a Saint.
Oh!! I didn't see that one coming. I know my comment might of seemed quite flippant but I did think I had a genuine point. How wrong I was. Well and truly trumped by a mind boggling technicality that makes transubstantiation seem fairly straight forward. I was brought up as a Catholic as well  Where did it all go wrong??
Thanks for putting me straight.
Mark
wae aye man ye radgie
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