Forget the dead donkey.

[cidermaid]

(Part ii of iii - part i = How the weave a donkey, found below in mild)
 
Forget the dead donkey.
 
A relief on a throw shows
two dimensional donkeys
trapped in a tapestry.
 
The donkeys don’t know they are dead.
Pleasure fed days, led to lusty delights;
a pose held in threads.
Isolated on their woven stage,
 
they wait for the blinding flash
to cauterize the forgetful flesh.
The leading light is lost,
gnawed by the bray of inmates.
 
The key to the cage
is a silver chord,
center eye threaded.
 
A flint spark starts the exchange.
Fire branded lambs; stand-ins
to man up the part, depart
to the left of the curtain cleft.
 
Winning by a neck they race
down from the red rock face;
blackened and hairy. Chased
by the shadows of cheetahs.
 
The last panel depicts:
A pile of un-ground grain spilling
over the cloak-cum comforter.
 
A corner of cloth covers
four dust encrusted feet.
A days worth of grain is ignored.                    
The sleeper greeted, restored.
 
Within the folds a story is told;
wood and knife burden, wife
and life limb -- up-trades made.
The dead donkey speaks.

[Erthona]

As there is no consistent meter the rhyming must carry the energy, which it does well in such places as S2, the internal rhyme was especially compelling. S6 has end rhymes with some alliteration to help carry the energy. Unfortunate there are too few of these types of sections and too many of those that come off as energetically flat. This stanza:

"The last panel depicts:
A pile of un-ground grain spilling
over the cloak-cum comforter."

Seems more appropriate to a documentary than a poem. There must be some kind of pun intended with " cloak-cum comforter", but the words play awkwardly across the tongue, unless the point was to create a minor tongue twister.

There are pieces "inserted" that seem to have no support from the poem, "shadows of cheetahs." Maybe there was mention of cheetahs in the first piece, although as I recall it was mainly concerned with the weaving process. Maybe the resolution will come when "the donkey speaks".

dale

[cidermaid]

Thanks for the comments and your time Dale. Agree that the stanza mentioned is flat. Will work over for edit.
AJ

[REW]

(Part ii of iii - part i = How the weave a donkey, found below in mild)
 
Forget the dead donkey.
 
A relief on a throw shows
two dimensional donkeys
trapped in a tapestry.
 
The donkeys don’t know they are dead.
Pleasure fed days, led to lusty delights;
a pose held in threads.
Isolated on their woven stage,
 
they wait for the blinding flash (I do not get this here...doesn't cauterize mean to sear a wound so that is stops bleeding?  This doesn't really make sense to me, the whole stanza)
to cauterize the forgetful flesh.
The leading light is lost,
gnawed by the bray of inmates.
 
The key to the cage (Okay, so I take it if you pull on the thread the tapestry will unravel, freeing the donkeys...)
is a silver chord,
center eye threaded.
 
A flint spark starts the exchange. (I do not understand what this stanza has to do with the donkey tapestry)
Fire branded lambs; stand-ins
to man up the part, depart
to the left of the curtain cleft.
 
Winning by a neck they race (Donkeys and lambs are racing chased by cheetahs?)
down from the red rock face;
blackened and hairy. Chased
by the shadows of cheetahs.
 
The last panel depicts:  (I am thinking there are hidden innuendos in this to a man, perhaps a double meaning for the donkeys and lambs.)
A pile of un-ground grain spilling
over the cloak-cum comforter.
 
A corner of cloth covers  (Not really sure what this stanza is trying to do )
four dust encrusted feet.
A days worth of grain is ignored.                    
The sleeper greeted, restored.
 
Within the folds a story is told; (ahah...I am thinking the wife here is a parallel for the donkeys and lambs, but what does the knife have to do with it?  Is the wife waiting to attack the husband for leaving cum crusts on the tapestry?)
wood and knife burden, wife
and life limb -- up-trades made.
The dead donkey speaks.

I clicked on this poem over other poems to read it because the title, "Forget the Dead Donkey" was intriguing to me.  I am confused as to what exactly is going on within the poem though.  Clearly, it is not just a description of a tapestry depicting donkeys.  However, I am not quite clear on what is being conveyed.  I suggest going through and cleaning this up and reworking to make the meaning a tad more clear.  An air of mystery is good, but for me it is too vague to walk away with any real grasp of the poem.

[cidermaid]

Hi Casey,  thanks for reading and taking the time to comment.
I guessing you got a bit confused by this one

I have been trying to think how I could write some notes without this then becoming a spoiler and couldn't think of a way, so have resisted the temptation.
In the final format parts 1 to 3 will run on and this will hopefully clear up some of the issues you had, but I will certainly take your comments into consideration when doing my editing.
Thanks AJ.

[REW]

Hi Casey,  thanks for reading and taking the time to comment.
I guessing you got a bit confused by this one

I have been trying to think how I could write some notes without this then becoming a spoiler and couldn't think of a way, so have resisted the temptation.
In the final format parts 1 to 3 will run on and this will hopefully clear up some of the issues you had, but I will certainly take your comments into consideration when doing my editing.
Thanks AJ.

Oh yeah do not provide a spoiler.  I didn't realize that there are three parts!  I guess I missed that.  I look forward to seeing it all together.