I enjoyed this conceit Leanne. If I'm reading properly I get a Odysseus meets Willy Loman type joining. The office job becoming a tragic journey for meaning.
(03-30-2017, 12:25 PM)Leanne Wrote: Mundane feet carry him through--We have no ship (though you do allude to it later) but we start with a journey. One that carries him through an ordeal--excellent choice of breaking on the word signifying a journey and an ordeal.
tar pit days--I like this for a few reasons. It definitely implies sluggish immobility and opposition to progress. It also is something that holds the remains of dinosaurs something ancient and great now a remnant of the past. When you flip from myth to office you get the sense of the meaningless sense of forward progress but also perhaps the leaving behind of a greater dream or vision.
littered with vertebrate notions--Here's the dinosaur image pulled forward with vertebrate but it also gives the idea of the idea of possessing a backbone "certainty" "vigor" etc and than realizing that it needs to be cast off in the journey. Perhaps a slight (very slight) nod to transformation Circe.
spraying violet across--spraying evokes the sea. Violet possibly a hint of danger in the darkening waters perhaps a lotus bloom forshadowing.
the curtained physical--This is an interesting way to imply that what we see (sensory, material) is blocked of from a greater reality. In what way is our "hero" blocked off from the true forces at work in the story.
A long-awaited breeze--hope of movement. We think of the sails. The promise of fulfilment.
teases his lips
stealing from them the passion--land of the lotus eaters. That it teases the lips sets up eating with this line as the result.
it will sell to his frenzied fingertips--sell meaning that there is a cost and frenzied an addiction
His pirate moments challenge the blind--a nod to the sea, and a roguish sense. We now have our Cyclops. You could tie in the idea of nobody a little more if you like.
and wrestle insolent sunlight--Ajax and the oposition of Apollo
through adolescent panes--feels like a play on the word panes/pains. Competitive, sexual in some regards
until, magnified, it burns--Conquest and destruction
and Ilium falls again--great line especially the break to set it off and the again to make it interesting. Is he always reliving past glory and through his passions bringing this end.
I'm not sure I followed that closely enough and I need to read it more, but I enjoyed spending time with it.
'tar pit days' is wonderful! Also really admire 'pirate moments'. And the slant rhymes and hidden rhymes. I like the juxtaposition of Ilium and tar pits. Thanks for the read!
Thanks very much to both of you. I thought I'd dust this off because it's never really been in front of a decent audience before. I appreciate your insights.
Reading this poem is like thornily picking at a bony problem that I refuse to acknowledge.
It makes me feel old and in need of an orthopedist to reset my conquested Ilium.
But here I am again, typing to imagine instead of speaking to my cat.
Beautiful poem.
[i]
The idols of the nations are silver and gold, the work of human hands.
They have mouths, but do not speak; they have eyes, but do not see;
they have ears, but do not hear, nor is there any breath in their mouths.
Those who make them become like them, so do all who trust in them.
- Psalm 135:15-18
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
(03-31-2017, 05:19 AM)Leanne Wrote: Your cat is Circe who,
having grown tired of dining with swine,
sleeps in their laps instead.
My Greek god cat is Dysis. (The other god cat is Shiva). But there's a neighbor's
cat who might fit the bill, as their dog seems kinda fat and his bark sounds more like a grunt.
The problem with your scenario is that swine don't have laps (or, depending on your view,
seldom make them). Of course, changing people into swine with laps couldn't be that much
harder... or maybe swine-people naturally have laps? But Circe is definitely a good name
for a certain type of cat which, considering my servile status vis-à-vis (isn't my spell
checker cool!) my cats, I might already have.
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
Are you suggesting that a metamorphosed swine, having finished a hard day's rooting, has no right to recline on a chaise longue and recall its life as a man? Next you'll be telling me that there's no way a couple of little wings on a pair of sandals could possibly lift the weight of a god, or that cattle won't come back to life after roasting unless there are some fairly powerful hallucinogens involved.
(03-31-2017, 09:43 AM)Leanne Wrote: Back to your office, naysayer!
Ha! No way! I'm onto your tricks -- you've probably created a Greek office-god back
there who's just waiting to turn me into a swine.
Overly long response to your "metamorphosed... " comment:
(03-31-2017, 09:43 AM)Leanne Wrote: Are you suggesting that a metamorphosed swine, having finished a hard day's rooting, has no
right to recline on a chaise lounge and recall its life as a man? Next you'll be telling me that
there's no way a couple of little wings on a pair of sandals could possibly lift the weight of
a god, or that cattle won't come back to life after roasting unless there are some fairly
powerful hallucinogens involved.
Of course not, metamorphosized (and here I was bragging about my spell checker...) swine have
every virtual right that there metamorphosizer wills them.
Being technically inclined, I compulsively provide scientific, rules-based, explanations for every goddamn
machination that overly creative writers come up with. I've always assumed that Hermes was of extremely
low mass. This would account for the adequacy of the tiny wings on his Nikes, as well as the massive
acceleration necessary to escape Circe's gaze.
Hallucinogens probably can't bring the dead back to life, no matter how powerful. But I've had trips
where I conversed with my dead self in a car mirror. He was a very articulate man (much more so
than myself) who, as I remember, was highly critical of my driving. I remember taking my hands off
the wheel and saying "if you think you're so good, then you do it". At this point my wife became rather
peeved, placed her underpants over the mirror (earlier, she had become convinced that her clothing
was impure), and solved (if a bit rudely) the driving problem.
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
