Posts: 204
Threads: 57
Joined: Jan 2013
Her hair wasn't strong, if bile was dye
to color hair, she bought it.
At night she puckered, lips to mirror,
cherry liner, nude center.
In her coffer, jelly dick depot
wiggled, jerked; she fingered through,
considered purple, decided blue.
I'll be there in a minute.
Posts: 580
Threads: 71
Joined: Oct 2015
(02-16-2016, 02:41 PM)newsclippings Wrote: Her hair wasn't strong, if bile was dye
to color hair, she bought it.
At night she puckered, lips to mirror,
cherry liner, nude center.
In her coffer, jelly dick depot
wiggled, jerked; she fingered through,
considered purple, decided blue.
loved L3, L4, and all of the second strophe.
'jelly dick depot' is delightfully rich in nuance.
'some jelly dick depot on your toast, dorothea dear?'
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe
Posts: 204
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Joined: Jan 2013
(02-17-2016, 11:20 AM)Achebe Wrote: (02-16-2016, 02:41 PM)newsclippings Wrote: Her hair wasn't strong, if bile was dye
to color hair, she bought it.
At night she puckered, lips to mirror,
cherry liner, nude center.
In her coffer, jelly dick depot
wiggled, jerked; she fingered through,
considered purple, decided blue.
loved L3, L4, and all of the second strophe.
'jelly dick depot' is delightfully rich in nuance.
'some jelly dick depot on your toast, dorothea dear?'
Hahahaha. Hah. Yes. Thank you for the generous feedback Achebe.
I'll be there in a minute.
Posts: 1,139
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Joined: Nov 2013
I wonder if a colon would be better than the comma in the first line. I sorta like this -- I don't know who "Shelly" is, and it's been too long since I heard "Mr. Bojangles", so I know I'm missing something, and it kinda hurts. But I do like the richness, whose meaning is too well-packed to put in words, for now.
Posts: 1,827
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Those last lines reminds me of a joke I heard.
"What does a Jr. Leaguer say while she is having sex?"
"Beige, beige, I think I'll paint it beige!"
I liked the use of the word coffer.
BTW Which lips (snicker)
Nice to see you back,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Posts: 204
Threads: 57
Joined: Jan 2013
(02-20-2016, 04:17 AM)Erthona Wrote: Those last lines reminds me of a joke I heard.
"What does a Jr. Leaguer say while she is having sex?"
"Beige, beige, I think I'll paint it beige!"
I liked the use of the word coffer.
BTW Which lips (snicker)
Nice to see you back,
dale
![[Image: giphy.gif]](https://media.giphy.com/media/KYNywoibU1PQ4/giphy.gif)
I'll be there in a minute.
