Two Eggs

[shenaz]

Two eggs in the pot
Two nice round eggs
The water is hot and the heat is on
We splutter and curdle
Two round eggs
In the heat of the moment

[Malu]

Two eggs in the pot
Two nice round eggs
The water is hot and the heat is on
We splutter and curdle
Two round eggs
In the heat of the moment

The simplicity of the poem works well, and can be effective. I definitely got the visual image you wanted to convey, but not really sure what your take home message is. That could just be my novice poetry knowledge though. If you wanted to strengthen this, I would space out the imagery and incorporate some detail and allusions as to what you're really saying.

[shenaz]

Thanks. I'll try and do that. I was alluding to sex but I see where you are coming from.

[Malu]

Thanks. I'll try and do that. I was alluding to sex but I see where you are coming from.

Oh ok, the heat of the moment line gave me that idea, but I just wasn't quite sure.

[shenaz]

Yeah. Thanks for the heads-up

[Snowbells]

Hi there;
the only suggestion I have would be to leave that descriptive "round" off. Nature gave chicken eggs an oval shape, more pointed at one end. A perfectly round egg would not easily pass from the uterus into and through the vent. However, you may be referring to the human female's egg, in which case my comment is inaccurate. Neat little poem. Jerry

[shenaz]

Thanks jerry. I was actually talking about chicken eggs. Lol. So I stand corrected.

[nhanna1223]

Ha. Something so simplistic, yet so enjoyable! : )

[shenaz]

Ha. Something so simplistic, yet so enjoyable! : )

Thanks. Very encouraging to hear that

[LickinLyrics]

6 lines. 3 of them beginning with "two" feels forced, repetitive. Maybe try L1: Two eggs in the pot, L2: nice round eggs < Or try rewriting L5: These round eggs. Either way, I enjoyed it!

[tomoffing]

Hey shenaz,

While I'm a usually a fan of short pieces, you are lacking some impact here.
Your repetitions are a little jarring in such a short piece. ("Two", "Heat" "round")
Your two eggs image is also drawing me the conclusion that this is a lesbian encounter. Is that the intention?

You've got a nice idea here but some more variation will add a lot.

Thanks for the read,
t

Two eggs in the pot
Two nice round eggs nice is bland and eggs aren't round
The water is hot and the heat is on one half of this line is redundant, if the water is hot, we can assume the heat is on, and vice versa
We splutter and curdle this is my favorite line. my only issue being that if there is curdling im assuming an egg has cracked and the white is in the water?? theres no other allusion to this so im left a little confused
Two round eggs
In the heat of the moment this is cliched

[DominoMan]

I find it amusing with all respect to the writer. It feels like some subtle euphemism is going on around there.
"We splutter and curdle
Two round eggs
In the heat of the moment"

those three lines kinda takes it home for me haha. Some may say that I have a dirty mind, but I say that you have a dirty hand (awkwardly walks away). But I enjoy its simplicity and I love boiled eggs.

[shenaz]

Thanks people. I'll keep my language and structure in mind next time.

[kingmicahde]

I would mention the eggs touching definately. I hope that you are inferring to lesbian love making becaus that seems like it would work well.

[shenaz]

I would mention the eggs touching definately. I hope that you are inferring to lesbian love making becaus that seems like it would work well.

Well, I wasn't referring to lesbian love, it's an innocent and sensual kind of love i actually meant.

[kingmicahde]

hmmm interesting I like this poem though just needs something more just a tad more to make it more powerful but it is good as is

[shenaz]

Thanks very much.

[Sheep]

Great imagery. I got your reference to sex immediately, though I may be reading into it. Egg is a great choice when it comes to describing sensuality, not just for its shape (roundness, curves, etc.) but because of what it is.
I think the simplicity of the poem makes your three "two"'s sound rather repetitive, though.

[shenaz]

Oh, I get what you mean

[cfgorman]

Two eggs in the pot
Two nice round eggs
The water is hot and the heat is on
We splutter and curdle
Two round eggs
In the heat of the moment

I really like this. It is simple and clear and free from abstraction. All of it comes to meaning with the last line.