In the Spark of a Morning

[Brujo]

In the Spark of a Morning
 
She kept five steps ahead
on a trail on a hurried morning hike
The dam swallowed silence
while the blue-blond mannequin
wished she was anywhere else
 
We came together last night
Two ends of a diode
Drinking apathy to dull inhibition
only to short circuit in
electric-blue toilet water
 
The night came to arc
Though Eddy Money alone
is enough to make anyone dry heave
She sang: "'Take me Home Tonight!'"
and left her sour taste on my palate
 
Morning glare shined penance
I should've been anywhere
A level flow into a calmer crash
Yet she was brisk and demure
keeping fives steps ahead.
 
I looked up when I heard
The crank of flood gates opening
She churned like a wet current
racing towards a port-o-john
through the light of a hollowed bend.

[Erthona]

"...and Ronnie said, 'be my little baby.'" The girl knows how to walk.

Don't have the slightest idea about what the writer is trying to do here. Possibly scared by a "period" when a wee lad as they seem anathema now.

"She kept five steps ahead
on a trail on a hurried morning hike" (on and on)
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She kept five steps ahead on a trail on a hurried morning hike. The dam swallowed silence while the blue-blond mannequin wished she was anywhere else. We came together last night.

The level of ambiguity id about 100%. Is the reader to suppose this is the story of the speaker and a blue-blond mannequin and the mannequin is the she in the rest of the story. Is the reader suppose to assume for no cause whatsoever that the mannequin is other than a mannequin?

It is the same with everything else in the story. Either it is gibberish, or the writer assume the reader will make a leap of faith and assume that all these things described are actually other things so that this somehow makes sense.

_________________________________________________________________________

"We came together last night
Two ends of a diode"

A diode has only one end, so to speak, the end that the two wires come out of, such an image does not speak to a couple as all that happens is the electricity goes in one wire and comes out the other. One could say,

We were a diode, glowing blue as electricity flowed through us. At least that would make some kind of sense.
____________________________________________________________________________________________

OK, I'll stop there as this is in "mild".

I would surmise that what is happening is what often or nearly always happens to new writers. They assume the reader knows more than he actually does and leaves out vital information...along with periods

Best,

dale

[Brujo]

Lol! periods? That wasn't intended at all. But you input is appreciated nonetheless. I now look to your the statements in your signature.

Nick