Living with Batman

[heslopian]

and I mean the Michael Keaton
kind, not the campy Adam West,
or that sissy Val Kilmer,
nor the dullard George Clooney,
and though Christian Bale
looks good in leather,
he's just too sadistic for me.

I'd serve coffee
and cold cuts
and be better in bed
than Alfred the butler
or M. Pfeiffer,
and my life would revolve
around tending his wounds,
caused by the Joker's
acidic posy,
the Penguin's Tommy umbrella,
Catwoman's fingernails
and the Riddler's, well, riddles.

I'd be happier than
a fifties' housewife
released from the prom
and bought her own stove,
on which to stir
and fry all day,
pancakes, roast lamb,
pheasant and peas,
whilst her husband
plays pool and
watches the Knicks.

most of all, I think,
I'd be freed from thought
and responsible tasks
like finding a job
and securing a girl,
studying hard
and being happy,
a symbol of manhood,
conformity.

I'd tear the mask free
and kiss Keaton's eyelids,
and that pansy Robin
would never be born,
and as I paced down
the long corridors
towards
his armoured form,
I'd lose identity,
and that, the nothingness
(beyond sex and cold cuts
and coffee) is the essence of
this fantasy.

[billy]

and I mean the Michael Keaton
kind, not the campy Adam West,
or that sissy Val Kilmer,
nor the dullard George Clooney,
and though Christian Bale
looks good in leather,
he's just too sadistic for me.

i got a laugh from the above verse for some reason.
i've been through the poem a few times and the only nit i have is grammar.
you use it, why don't you use it properly and cap the beginning of sentences. okay, i know it's not a rule that has to be followed but for me if you're going to use grammar in general use it as it should be used.

if you just use it for emphasis, leave out the end of line comma's and let the white space give the pause.

it's as prose as hell but non the less i think it a really good piece of poetry
i refuse to give you the praise it deserves

seriously jack this for me is a great poem.
i love the way you inject the sexuality into the poem without making it
slap you round the face like a wet fish.

thanks for the read.

[Todd]

Hi Heslopian,

This is very, very cool. I hope you don't mind some suggestions. If they don't work for you please disregard them. Here goes:

I honestly think with this title you can go directly to S2. I don't feel that the first or last strophe does much for you. I'll grant you they're fun but the first seems to delay the action too much and the ending takes away from the punch that the poem delivers (and not like an Adam West POW sign either).

Look how strong that first line plays off of the title when it is S2.

and I mean the Michael Keaton
kind, not the campy Adam West,
or that sissy Val Kilmer,
nor the dullard George Clooney,
and though Christian Bale
looks good in leather,
he's just too sadistic for me.

I'd serve coffee
and cold cuts
and be better in bed
than Alfred the butler
or M. Pfeiffer,
and my life would revolve
around tending his wounds,
caused by the Joker's
acidic posy,
the Penguin's Tommy umbrella,
Catwoman's fingernails
and the Riddler's, well, riddles.

These last two strophes set up the atmosphere. Ironically enough the heart of the poem is the next two it's more imortant to understand what the narrator is trying to free himself from than it is to consider the batman vehicle itself. I do however love what you did by comparing the actors and than the rogues gallary. I also like how you move in and out of the reality by going from Alfred to M. Pfeiffer...no nits at all in those strophes.

I'd be happier than
a fifties' housewife
released from the prom
and bought her own stove,
on which to stir
and fry all day,
pancakes, roast lamb,
pheasant and peas,
whilst her husband
plays pool and
watches the Knicks.--love this entire part


most of all, I think,
I'd be freed from thought
and responsible tasks
like finding a job
and securing a girl,
studying hard
and being happy,
a symbol of manhood,
conformity. --now it gets a little closer to home. It's these kinds of issues that make us want to withdraw, escape

I'd tear the mask free
and kiss Keaton's eyelids,--excellent image and lines
and that pansy Robin
would never be born,
and as I paced down[b]
the long corridors
towards
his armoured form,
I'd lose identity,
and that, the nothingness
(beyond sex and cold cuts
and coffee) is the essence of
this fantasy. [b]--this is where I'd end it this is the magic, the epiphany, from and as I paced to here. This is what we're meant to learn.

which is why, since boyhood,
aside from catching
the hound who killed
Sir Baskerville,
and solving the murder
on the Orient Express,
my dream has been
to live with Batman
inside his Wayne Manor.
[/quote]

Creative, fun, and in some ways fairly poignant poem...thanks for the great read.

Best,

Todd[/b]

[heslopian]

Thanks for the kind words and feedback, Billy This is quite an old poem, written several months ago, when I received some messages complaining that I used too many capitals, so my response was to remove them completely. Now what I usually do is cap just the beginnings of sentences, like you said.

Forgive me, but I'm not quite sure what people mean when they say a poem is very prose. Is it because there's no real poetic technique, like enjambment or rhyme or meter?

Thanks again for your kind words; they always mean the world when they come from you

---

Thanks for that great feedback Todd! I'd always thought the first and last verses seemed a little clunky, but up until now I'd assumed they were needed to make the poem complete. Looking at the piece without them, however, I really can see where you're coming from. The title leads well into that second verse, and the last as it is packs more of a punch.
Shit, I think I'm actually gonna go do an edit right now! Thanks again Todd

[billy]

for me prose means straight forward as in telly. or telling a story. just because something has enjambment doesn't mean it isn't prose. and please don't get me wrong. some prose can make great poetry. i think prose and prosy are the same though some would draw a distinction. some would say a piece of writing that has no poetical merit is prose or prosy, i don't agree with them. for me a piece of prose is a straight forward piece of writing. nothing more nothing less. jmo.
do a google and see what you come up with.

[lizzyrose12]

Yeah, that Christian Bale sure does look good in leather!!

I thought the poem was funny, which is good because I like seeing a funny poem once in a while. I've read other poems of yours and I realize you have a certain technique you use in a lot of your poems. I like it, I'm not sure how to describe it. Also, I am a batman fan and I was not aware alfred and batman had relations.

Just kidding.

Great poem!

[addy]

This is amazing. Funny, and some real meat beautifully disguised in cleverness. Hats off to you, sir.

[heslopian]

Yeah, that Christian Bale sure does look good in leather!!

I thought the poem was funny, which is good because I like seeing a funny poem once in a while. I've read other poems of yours and I realize you have a certain technique you use in a lot of your poems. I like it, I'm not sure how to describe it. Also, I am a batman fan and I was not aware alfred and batman had relations.

Just kidding.

Great poem!

haha Yeah Batman and Alfred were at it like, well, bats Thanks so much for the kind words, lizzy, they really mean a lot, especially coming from a Batman fan!

---

This is amazing. Funny, and some real meat beautifully disguised in cleverness. Hats off to you, sir.

Thanks so much for your kind words, addy