No Reason At All

[ClaytonDaury]

Hello, I am very new to poetry, haven written this for an English class project (grade 12), but I was told by many to actually share it so here it is! Feel free to tell me what to fix so I can perfect it! I also can't decide on a title yet, I'm thinking between "No Reason At All" and some reference to Alice and Wonderland!


"No Reason At All"

Have you any idea,
why a raven is like a writing desk?
Or why a pillow should wear a bullet-proof vest?

If you don't know why, then I bet you can guess:
it's the same reason you buy something for more,
when you can pay less.

The same reason
the judgement of others,
can cause you distress.

And also why
the simplest mistakes
may fabricate a mess.

If you happen to know the reason, 
You are truly blessed!
But for those who don't?

Well,
I digress.

(Why is a raven like a writing desk) used from Lewis Carroll's "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland".

[billy]

the title fits the poem well enough.

the poem has a nonsensical quality to it. i think you could use some better wordchoice in places. ie: distress instead of uneasy stress.
you could also remove unnecessary words:
The same reason why
the judgement of others,
can cause you uneasy stress.

The same reason
judgement of others,
can cause you distress.

try and use brevity, if needed you can always flesh it out after the first few drafts.

Hello, I am very new to poetry, haven written this for an English class project (grade 12), but I was told by many to actually share it so here it is! Feel free to tell me what to fix so I can perfect it! I also can't decide on a title yet, I'm thinking between "No Reason At All" and some reference to Alice and Wonderland!

Have you any idea,
why a raven is like a writing desk? if you use lines of poetry from elsewhere attribute them to the poet; at the bottom of the poem but seprate from it sya something along the lines of "why is a raven like a writing desk" from Lewis Carroll's Alice's adventures in wonderland
Or why a pillow should wear a bullet-proof vest? i like the line i'm hoping for a good pay off

If you know why, then I bet you can guess: should that be [if you don't know why?]
it's the same reason you buy something for more,
when you can have it for less.

The same reason why
the judgement of others,
can cause you uneasy stress. i like the alliteration of the [C]s

And also why
the simplest mistakes
can fabricate a mess.

If you happen to know the reason, 
You are truly blessed!
But for those who don't?

Well,
I digress.

[ClaytonDaury]

Thank you Billy. I have updated the poem and your tips have improved the flow greatly. I was hoping to reference the title to Alice in Wonderland because like the poem, the movie also is nonsensical, and some may not get the reference. But the title currently being used does fit. This is my first piece so I still have lots of time to learn!

the title fits the poem well enough.

the poem has a nonsensical quality to it. i think you could use some better wordchoice in places.  ie: distress instead of uneasy stress.
you could also remove unnecessary words:
The same reason why
the judgement of others,
can cause you uneasy stress.

The same reason
judgement of others,
can cause you distress.

try and use brevity, if needed you can always flesh it out after the first few drafts.

Hello, I am very new to poetry, haven written this for an English class project (grade 12), but I was told by many to actually share it so here it is! Feel free to tell me what to fix so I can perfect it! I also can't decide on a title yet, I'm thinking between "No Reason At All" and some reference to Alice and Wonderland!  

Have you any idea,
why a raven is like a writing desk? if you use lines of poetry from elsewhere attribute them to the poet; at the bottom of the poem but seprate from it sya something along the lines of "why is a raven like a writing desk" from Lewis Carroll's Alice's adventures in wonderland
Or why a pillow should wear a bullet-proof vest? i like the line i'm hoping for a good pay off

If you know why, then I bet you can guess: should that be [if you don't know why?]
it's the same reason you buy something for more,
when you can have it for less.

The same reason why
the judgement of others,
can cause you uneasy stress. i like the alliteration of the [C]s

And also why
the simplest mistakes
can fabricate a mess.

If you happen to know the reason, 
You are truly blessed!
But for those who don't?

Well,
I digress.

[Todd]

Hi Clayton,

This is a fun poem. Here are a few comments for you:

Hello, I am very new to poetry, haven written this for an English class project (grade 12), but I was told by many to actually share it so here it is! Feel free to tell me what to fix so I can perfect it! I also can't decide on a title yet, I'm thinking between "No Reason At All" and some reference to Alice and Wonderland!


I'm wondering about your line breaks. I'm wondering if you can use them to build suspense a little better. There's an element of this poem that wants to bait and switch the line breaks may be able to help you. This is subjective but here goes.

Have you any idea,
why a raven is like a writing desk?
Or why a pillow should wear a bullet-proof vest?

Example: Have you any idea, why a raven
is like a writing desk?
Or why a pillow should wear
a bullet-proof vest

Your breaks aren't bad just more linear and that may not serve you best. The pillow line is evocative. I guess you could also make a case to break after pillow and move "should wear a bullet-proof vest" down one line. Play around with it.

If you don't know why, then I bet you can guess:
it's the same reason you buy something for more,
when you can have it for less.--tighten this "when you could have paid less."

The same reason
the judgement of others,
can cause you distress.

And also why
the simplest mistakes
may fabricate a mess.--fabricate is too self-conscious (simpler word choice).  The one issue with these two last stanzas is that their a bit boring. The content is fine but they lack the visually absurdity of stanza 1 so they feel like a drop off. Maybe illustrate a specific judgment and then a specific mistake--or try to make them more interesting.

If you happen to know the reason, 
You are truly blessed!
But for those who don't?

Well,
I digress.--Great ending. It wraps up nothing, which is why it works.

(Why is a raven like a writing desk) used from Lewis Carroll's "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland".

I hope some of that helps.

Best,

Todd

[billy]

hi clayton.

there was a bit of a discussion about my certain remark. i could just leave my remark as is because it's my feedback but yes, the alice title would connect it to allusion as does the title you're using now.

that some took my comment to heart as they did shows the depth of feeling this site has created with the membership.

not knowing if you knew what allusion was or not i acted like you didn't and never gave you the benefit of my doubt. the way the poem was written should have told me it was allusion done with intent. i was over zealous. what threw me was you saing it was your first piece...which by the way makes it an excellent first piece.

Thank you Billy. I have updated the poem and your tips have improved the flow greatly. I was hoping to reference the title to Alice in Wonderland because like the poem, the movie also is nonsensical, and some may not get the reference. But the title currently being used does fit. This is my first piece so I still have lots of time to learn!

the title fits the poem well enough.

the poem has a nonsensical quality to it. i think you could use some better wordchoice in places.  ie: distress instead of uneasy stress.
you could also remove unnecessary words:
The same reason why
the judgement of others,
can cause you uneasy stress.

The same reason
judgement of others,
can cause you distress.

try and use brevity, if needed you can always flesh it out after the first few drafts.

Hello, I am very new to poetry, haven written this for an English class project (grade 12), but I was told by many to actually share it so here it is! Feel free to tell me what to fix so I can perfect it! I also can't decide on a title yet, I'm thinking between "No Reason At All" and some reference to Alice and Wonderland!  

Have you any idea,
why a raven is like a writing desk? if you use lines of poetry from elsewhere attribute them to the poet; at the bottom of the poem but seprate from it sya something along the lines of "why is a raven like a writing desk" from Lewis Carroll's Alice's adventures in wonderland
Or why a pillow should wear a bullet-proof vest? i like the line i'm hoping for a good pay off

If you know why, then I bet you can guess: should that be [if you don't know why?]
it's the same reason you buy something for more,
when you can have it for less.

The same reason why
the judgement of others,
can cause you uneasy stress. i like the alliteration of the [C]s

And also why
the simplest mistakes
can fabricate a mess.

If you happen to know the reason, 
You are truly blessed!
But for those who don't?

Well,
I digress.

[LukeSizemore]

Hello, I am very new to poetry, haven written this for an English class project (grade 12), but I was told by many to actually share it so here it is! Feel free to tell me what to fix so I can perfect it! I also can't decide on a title yet, I'm thinking between "No Reason At All" and some reference to Alice and Wonderland!


"No Reason At All"

Have you any idea,
why a raven is like a writing desk?
Or why a pillow should wear a bullet-proof vest?

If you don't know why, then I bet you can guess:
it's the same reason you buy something for more,
when you can pay less.

The same reason
the judgement of others,
can cause you distress.

And also why
the simplest mistakes
may fabricate a mess.

If you happen to know the reason, 
You are truly blessed!
But for those who don't?

Well,
I digress.

(Why is a raven like a writing desk) used from Lewis Carroll's "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland".

Clayton, I'm new to poetry as well, so take my advice with a grain of salt. This poem got me thinking because you posed a question and never answered, which made each word seem more important to me because you didn't just let me off easy in the end. I don't think "...for those who don't?" Needs a question mark. Also, be consistent with which words you decide to capitalize. Great job!