Posts: 848
Threads: 231
Joined: Oct 2012
In a wet pavement world
conveyed in beige
I sip railway coffee,
eat my lunch from old tin-foil
amongst the drone
of my daily muse.
For all the rolling stock
and countless Big Diesels,
every now and again
a steam train,
bright red or green
polished brass, loud and brash,
spitting coal, untamed, unpredictable.
For those moments
when their tracks run to my door,
I get to climb aboard
pick up the shovel,
see if the furnace holds.
Of course there is a danger
that these engines burn out,
even explode,
but they are spectacular
and I have to watch,
I have to ask, be involved
and find out their story.
I can only ride the footplate
for a while, until the next station
stepping off into the
muffled crowd of coats,
tepid coffee and paste sandwiches.
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
just mercedes
Unregistered
I like the contrast between the 'beige' and the 'polished brass' - I live above a small railway station, and each time they run the old steam trains I thrill to the sound of the whistles, and the chuff-chuff-chuff of the engines, which take me on journeys like yours.
http://www.steaminc.org.nz/
Posts: 1,827
Threads: 305
Joined: Dec 2016
The first thing that came to mind when I read the title was Robert Palmer's "Simply Irresistible". I don't know if that is because I am dyslexic, or if others would also make the the connection. Anyway, I had the song running through my mind as I tried to read the poem, not to mention those weird looking women he always had in his videos (or so it seemed to me). Sp maybe a consideration of a title change. Regardless of that possible connection it seems awkward compared to the elegance of the poem. I enjoyed the rhythmic quality and the internal rhyme help this along. I could have stood for more of a setting, especially in terms of the speaker as this caused some confusion and even after several readings the confusion remained. My proclivities aside, this was a very streamlined rail-rider that anyone from a hobo to elites of Art Nouveau could appreciate.
Best,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Posts: 848
Threads: 231
Joined: Oct 2012
(01-20-2016, 06:11 AM)just mercedes Wrote: I like the contrast between the 'beige' and the 'polished brass' - I live above a small railway station, and each time they run the old steam trains I thrill to the sound of the whistles, and the chuff-chuff-chuff of the engines, which take me on journeys like yours.
http://www.steaminc.org.nz/
what a fantastic place to live, I'm jealous. I can remember standing outside school watching the Flying Scotsman power past, I was hugely impressed by the raw power.
(01-23-2016, 04:36 AM)Erthona Wrote: The first thing that came to mind when I read the title was Robert Palmer's "Simply Irresistible". I don't know if that is because I am dyslexic, or if others would also make the the connection. Anyway, I had the song running through my mind as I tried to read the poem, not to mention those weird looking women he always had in his videos (or so it seemed to me). Sp maybe a consideration of a title change. Regardless of that possible connection it seems awkward compared to the elegance of the poem. I enjoyed the rhythmic quality and the internal rhyme help this along. I could have stood for more of a setting, especially in terms of the speaker as this caused some confusion and even after several readings the confusion remained. My proclivities aside, this was a very streamlined rail-rider that anyone from a hobo to elites of Art Nouveau could appreciate.
Best,
dale
Ha, I do that with titles as well, I changed the title from Steam Trains, to try and hint that this poem is about peoples characters rather than trains but it doesn't seem to come across at all so will have to have a rethink maybe more of a set up is required, thanks Dale.
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
