01-04-2016, 09:18 AM
Response to the Writer of Only Cinquain
I’m a bit claustrophobic, too much form drives me inane,
so don’t expect me to write in haiku or cinquain.
In a syllabic line there’s no room for flux,
skin tight over bone, but empty: no guts.
No heart to pump blood, no lungs to breathe air,
for me it’s too starkly terse, being stripped so bare.
Writing these things, is permanent blight,
you might get one worthy, in a year of fortnights.
To spend your life using only these tiny forms for art,
that’s a lot of time wasted, ‘tween the light and the dark.
A good fit for Japanese, with their tiny pieces of land,
they’re into bondage, of the head, feet, and hand.
They are a traditional culture, a collective, no individual mind,
they like it that way, living in the past, a few centuries behind.
Suicide bombers, the were the originals, long before our current strife,
honor to duty was placed way above, merely the saving of one’s life.
Now I know, some will chastise me, “Cinquain”, they’ll say, “Was American born,
birthed by Crapsey, then given a French name, but still, it’s an Asian form.
Now I’m not knocking the disciple, it’s great for young children in school,
perfect for those with short attention spans, it’s an excellent teaching tool.
The same as teaching children the fundamentals, more should be done,
but all must grow up, and become a father, no longer just a son.
I live in America, the home of the grand, the great, stout hearted and brave,
you think, using tiny structures, would have gotten us to where we are today?
No doubt, cinquain is fine, teaching discipline, through these restricted five lines,
but it’s too concrete, with few adjectives, or adverbs, not even a rhyme.
For mature American verse, I can’t really think of anything worse,
how can you talk of America descriptively without every tool of verse?
We’ve had one who used it, Carl Sandburg, a fine poet he,
still, it was a one-time shot, in honor, upon the death of Crapsey.
What other American poets with names of renown wrote this form sublime?
I am waiting, lets put them in line, four or five seconds, plenty of time.
Huh? Still working at it, not done picking the brain,
shouldn’t be hard, they should all fit with room left over, in just one cinquain.
So why the need for all this haughtiness, this putting on of airs,
I found nothing so rarified, to justified, your’ ‘I’m above you glare.’
“spectators entertainment” you only had seven in your line of eight,
I can see why you dissuade a close review; the results would not be great.
It’s too bad the form permits no punctuation, so you can tell apart,
the plural from the possessive, as I said, “much time spent in the dark!”
But as you have requested, in your royalty to peasant reply,
I’ll accede; you not to read, and think myself lucky to so easily get by.
I’ll be happy to keep my “ignorant, uneducated thoughts” to myself,
I have better uses of my time, such as gold from dross to smelt.
Little
ore from your mind
if truth is to be told
your poems smelt little if any
gold!
erthona
©1998
I’m a bit claustrophobic, too much form drives me inane,
so don’t expect me to write in haiku or cinquain.
In a syllabic line there’s no room for flux,
skin tight over bone, but empty: no guts.
No heart to pump blood, no lungs to breathe air,
for me it’s too starkly terse, being stripped so bare.
Writing these things, is permanent blight,
you might get one worthy, in a year of fortnights.
To spend your life using only these tiny forms for art,
that’s a lot of time wasted, ‘tween the light and the dark.
A good fit for Japanese, with their tiny pieces of land,
they’re into bondage, of the head, feet, and hand.
They are a traditional culture, a collective, no individual mind,
they like it that way, living in the past, a few centuries behind.
Suicide bombers, the were the originals, long before our current strife,
honor to duty was placed way above, merely the saving of one’s life.
Now I know, some will chastise me, “Cinquain”, they’ll say, “Was American born,
birthed by Crapsey, then given a French name, but still, it’s an Asian form.
Now I’m not knocking the disciple, it’s great for young children in school,
perfect for those with short attention spans, it’s an excellent teaching tool.
The same as teaching children the fundamentals, more should be done,
but all must grow up, and become a father, no longer just a son.
I live in America, the home of the grand, the great, stout hearted and brave,
you think, using tiny structures, would have gotten us to where we are today?
No doubt, cinquain is fine, teaching discipline, through these restricted five lines,
but it’s too concrete, with few adjectives, or adverbs, not even a rhyme.
For mature American verse, I can’t really think of anything worse,
how can you talk of America descriptively without every tool of verse?
We’ve had one who used it, Carl Sandburg, a fine poet he,
still, it was a one-time shot, in honor, upon the death of Crapsey.
What other American poets with names of renown wrote this form sublime?
I am waiting, lets put them in line, four or five seconds, plenty of time.
Huh? Still working at it, not done picking the brain,
shouldn’t be hard, they should all fit with room left over, in just one cinquain.
So why the need for all this haughtiness, this putting on of airs,
I found nothing so rarified, to justified, your’ ‘I’m above you glare.’
“spectators entertainment” you only had seven in your line of eight,
I can see why you dissuade a close review; the results would not be great.
It’s too bad the form permits no punctuation, so you can tell apart,
the plural from the possessive, as I said, “much time spent in the dark!”
But as you have requested, in your royalty to peasant reply,
I’ll accede; you not to read, and think myself lucky to so easily get by.
I’ll be happy to keep my “ignorant, uneducated thoughts” to myself,
I have better uses of my time, such as gold from dross to smelt.
Little
ore from your mind
if truth is to be told
your poems smelt little if any
gold!
erthona
©1998
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
