The Six Types of Writers

[rayheinrich]

The Six Types of Writers

Even though dividing all writers into six types is raging astrological generalization,
there might still be a bit of truth/amusement to be gained from it.*
(And obviously, it's directed at prose writers from the 1960's**;
the tip-off being that money is even mentioned.)

It's divided in two to make it more legible:
               
--
               


*I tried to find a source to attribute this to, but only unattributed copies
of it appear on the web and I can't seem to find a book related to it.

**Please ignore the anachronistic computer and author (Danielle Steel).

[Achebe]

it's easy to think you're the third when you're the last.
But Eric Blair no artistry? Ha ha ha
And Dickinson .... please

[rayheinrich]

"George Orwell no artistry?"
It didn't say "no artistry", it said "tend to have more anger than artistry".
Not that I agree with either.
But... a case could be made for "tend to have more prescience than artistry".
(Though he was bad with actual dates.)

"Danielle Steele and Kafka in the same article?"
Well... they say opposites attract.
(And Steele is certainly in need of a good Trial.)

"Emily Dickinson a literary genius?"
She sure as fuck was!     Don't you dis my Emily!

[Achebe]

all right. Here's a previously undiscovered piece by Emily (found in a piece of take away falafel wrapping paper in New York) to make you feel better:

Types of writers (anonymous...pssst..it's me, Emily):

There are six types of writers
Of these I am one - some care about meter, but not me, son.
You might be thinking the next line ends in 'critters'
To make it rhyme
But it doesn't - it'll end in something else altogether.
I might have contradicted myself.
But reader, cast no stone if you aren't perfect and Leonardo da Vinci thyself.
I am the recluse
I don't wear shoes
Because I live in an attic with my thoughts and paper.
Whatever happens, whether there is a god or not, I hope this poem doesn't end up as falafel wrapping paper

(unfinished)

[rayheinrich]

all right. Here's a previously undiscovered piece by Emily (found in a piece of take away falafel wrapping paper in New York) to make you feel better:

Types of writers (anonymous...pssst..it's me, Emily):

There are six types of writers
Of these I am one - some care about meter, but not me, son.
You might be thinking the next line ends in 'critters'
To make it rhyme
But it doesn't - it'll end in something else altogether.
I might have contradicted myself.
But reader, cast no stone if you aren't perfect and Leonardo da Vinci thyself.
I am the recluse
I don't wear shoes
Because I live in an attic with my thoughts and paper.
Whatever happens, whether there is a god or not, I hope this poem doesn't end up as falafel wrapping paper

(unfinished)

    Obviously a fake, it only contains two dashes; and of the same length no less.

[Weeded]

Say whaaa

[rayheinrich]

Say whaaa

    Emily likes lots of variable-length dashes.

Nice Conachlonn, by the way.
Ray... bye.

[billy]

critters and writers do not rhyme, you're either thinking of criters or writters

all right. Here's a previously undiscovered piece by Emily (found in a piece of take away falafel wrapping paper in New York) to make you feel better:

Types of writers (anonymous...pssst..it's me, Emily):

There are six types of writers
Of these I am one - some care about meter, but not me, son.
You might be thinking the next line ends in 'critters'
To make it rhyme
But it doesn't - it'll end in something else altogether.
I might have contradicted myself.
But reader, cast no stone if you aren't perfect and Leonardo da Vinci thyself.
I am the recluse
I don't wear shoes
Because I live in an attic with my thoughts and paper.
Whatever happens, whether there is a god or not, I hope this poem doesn't end up as falafel wrapping paper

(unfinished)

[Leanne]

There are six types of falafel wrappers
and all of them end up in the same place. Disgrace.
Kebabs fare better -- those around the chickens
are like characters from Dickens, downtrodden but upbeat
beneath ceaselessly tramping feet.
But no, Miss Havisham does not lurk around the lamb --
that's Bathsheba's. Through every poke
she's dreamed of Oak; he comes quietly
with sheep. Where the pavements crack, it's
the Sacketts, true L'amour, beef and leather
wrapped together with sauce, of course.
Where doners dwell, in hangover heavens,
the stories are trod by stilettos; the ghettos
strew pages of foetid fiction. From your garret,
see lettuce and carrot become grey. These remnants
pray that you leave them their fun
and don't turn them over to
Miss Dickinson.

[Weeded]

^Say whaaa

Say whaaa

    Emily likes lots of variable-length dashes.

Nice Conachlonn, by the way.
Ray... bye.

I see. All this talk of Emily Dickinson has piqued my interest, ima go see what all the hoopla is about.
And dank u, sir.

[Achebe]

There are six types of falafel wrappers
and all of them end up in the same place. Disgrace.
Kebabs fare better -- those around the chickens
are like characters from Dickens, downtrodden but upbeat
beneath ceaselessly tramping feet.  
But no, Miss Havisham does not lurk around the lamb --
that's Bathsheba's.  Through every poke
she's dreamed of Oak; he comes quietly
with sheep. Where the pavements crack, it's
the Sacketts, true L'amour, beef and leather
wrapped together with sauce, of course.  
Where doners dwell, in hangover heavens,
the stories are trod by stilettos; the ghettos
strew pages of foetid fiction. From your garret,
see lettuce and carrot become grey.  These remnants
pray that you leave them their fun
and don't turn them over to
Miss Dickinson.

 
the dam has burst, Leanne, now that the schoolies are gone,
and the finest flower* of Queensland's youth hasn't set fire to your lawn 
*a wasted adolescent is still somebody's freakin son
so please post more oft
                                 ----- signed, Emily Dickinson

[Leanne]

Hey, without those wasted adolescents I wouldn't have a class!

[rowens]

Emily Dickinson's poems are hard to parody because one half of her style is self-parody and parody in general. The other half is high seriousness. She was like South Park for self-conscious old maids. In order to take her seriously you have to take her seriously; the second part is sometimes hard.

[Leanne]

All that you need to know about Dickinson is that she kept a lot of things hidden in her drawers.

[rayheinrich]

Emily Dickinson's poems are hard to parody because one half of her style is self-parody and parody in general. The other half is high seriousness. She was like South Park for self-conscious old maids. In order to take her seriously, you have to take her seriously; the second part is sometimes hard.

Yes, she's always winking at herself, and by extension, encouraging us to wink at ourselves as well.
I like the "South Park" analogy; I always think of her as a trickster god. The thing I love most about
her is her playfulness; the second, that she's a wickedly good riddler.

I take HER very seriously and I join her in finding her product quite amusing.

(And yes, Leanne, she DID keep a lot of things hidden in her drawers. )




                                While I was fearing it - it came -
                                But came with less of fear
                                Because that fearing it so long
                                Had almost made it fair.
                               
                                There is a fitting - a Dismay -
                                A fitting - a Despair
                                'Tis harder knowing it is due
                                Than knowing it is here.
                               
                                The trying on the utmost
                                The morning it is new.
                                Is terribler than wearing it
                                A whole existence through.


Above is my very own interpretation (which words are capitalized, left out, and various dash/punctuation
thingees) of her poem taken from her original hand-written manuscript. It's not something I'd do all the time,
but is sure is fun to do it three or four times. What I find surprising is how many of those upper-case letters
ascribed to her are actually lower case. (Also a LOT of them dashes are actually periods and some of them
are missplaced crossings of "t"'s !!!) Anyway, if anyone's interested, high-resolution images of her manuscripts
can be found here: Emily Dickinson Archive

[rowens]

Then you have Kafka, the guru of the amatuer, unsolicited manuscript. The instruction manual for the alienation of the individual in modern society that even the most extraverted babe-magnet at Harvard business and law school can use to publish an award-winning psychodrama on the side. Now that the alienated individual is a century of boredom old, and could as easily be mastered in prose by Gene Simmons of Kiss, and since every person you pass on the sidewalk has a phone/computer/camera/recording studio/stereo/library/movie theater/thermostat/garage opener/flashlight/clock/typewriter/mailbox/guitar tuner/credit card/satellite radio attached to the side of their head, it feels like living in a story by Philip Dick. But if you go into writing pulp science fiction you'll be accused of writing dull realism. Or worse: cheap comedy. But you might can get somewhere if you take Gregor Samsa and have him wake up in the morning to find that he's lost his briefcase somewhere, and wretched of wretched, his cellphone and laptop were in there.

[Achebe]

Then you have Kafka, the guru of the amatuer, unsolicited manuscript. The instruction manual for the alienation of the individual in modern society that even the most extraverted babe-magnet at Harvard business and law school can use to publish an award-winning psychodrama on the side. Now that the alienated individual is a century of boredom old, and could as easily be mastered in prose by Gene Simmons of Kiss, and since every person you pass on the sidewalk has a phone/computer/camera/recording studio/stereo/library/movie theater/thermostat/garage opener/flashlight/clock/typewriter/mailbox/guitar tuner/credit card/satellite radio attached to the side of their head, it feels like living in a story by Philip Dick. But if you go into writing pulp science fiction you'll be accused of writing dull realism. Or worse: cheap comedy. But you might can get somewhere if you take Gregor Samsa and have him wake up in the morning to find that he's lost his briefcase somewhere, and wretched of wretched, his cellphone and laptop were in there.

here i must disagree. Both the 'Trial' and 'Metamorphosis' are fantastic. But they're victims of their own success, in that they're now so much part of our culture and collective subconscious, that they don't come across as being original when we read them.
also, they might read better in the original. Sartre is terrible in English. And I can't read french. so maybe sartre is terrible. period.

[rowens]

I don't know what you disagree with. Also, I think parts of some of Sartre's novels are OK. There is so much attention to the good old writers of fame, the types of writers and typical writer personalities that those things become easy entertainment and writing material for academic writing and angry unpublishable writers. But then there's someone like Cormac McCarthy who sends you back through Hemingway and Faulkner on every page but never mentions any writers or anything explicitly literary at all. Kafka had that quality. The aliened individual in modern society stories are usually over-packed with literary crutches or they are the flat, style-lacking kind. Or both.

[Lizzie]

I wasn't here for this the first time, and it's just too good not to have another moment in the sun. 

I'm a space cadet. I'm never getting published. 

Do you see yourself here? Be honest... 

[brynmawr1]

Not sure which I am, but I think the six types could be arranged into a cautionary tale illustrating the stages of a writers arc from "I write for the love of writing" to "the world can go to hell", sort of like the stages of grief.