Now and Then

[ellz483]

Now and then, I see your face
in a memory, in a picture.
I wonder how it looks today
under the shade of age.
Once in a while,
since i don't think so much about you
anymore,
I believe time has done away
with its beauty;

That your eyes don't shine,
and your lips have thinned,
and your skin sags.

Other times 
I imagine you dignified,
wearing the crown of experience---
gazing neither behind or ahead,
but staring squarely at the moment.
You watch as it passes,
taking with it another 
fine detail of your sunken face...
Another detail,
like all those gone lost 
somewhere in my mind.

[Leanne]

Hi ellz -- with a slightly lighter touch you will have a poignant, musing poem.  

Now and then, I see your face -- I am ambivalent about "now and then" -- it's quite generic, but that might not be a bad thing in this case, as if it's just said casually in passing.  Still, I can't help thinking that the opening line would work just as well (maybe better) without it.  Depends what you're going for.
in a memory, in a picture.
I wonder how it looks today
under the shade of age. -- if you use "beneath" instead of "under", you capture both the long "e" sounds that match the long "o" and "a" around it and it also fits better for meter when read aloud
Once in a while,
since i don't think so much about you
anymore, -- you could consider putting this part in parentheses, or at least between em-dashes to make it an aside 
I believe time has done away
with its beauty; -- your phrasing is unclear here.  Although I know (because I'm paying attention) that the beauty you refer to is of the face, the way you've written it makes it seem as if it's time's beauty.

That your eyes don't shine, -- consider removing the capital letter at the start of this line, as it is enjambed between strophes and a cap breaks the flow
and your lips have thinned,
and your skin sags.

Other times 
I imagine you dignified,
wearing the crown of experience---
gazing neither behind or ahead, -- neither should be partnered with nor, not or
but staring squarely at the moment. -- nice assonance
You watch as it passes,
taking with it another 
fine detail of your sunken face... -- these three lines could be shortened into two -- the "passes" bit isn't really required, but rather you could consider "you watch as it takes..." -- also, the ellipsis here seems fairly cheesy.  You could just put in a strophe break instead.

Another detail,
like all those gone lost -- "gone" is redundant
somewhere in my mind.

[Achebe]

Now and then, I see your face
in a memory, in a picture.
I wonder how it looks today
under the shade of age.
Once in a while,
since i don't think so much about you
anymore,
I believe time has done away
with its beauty;

That your eyes don't shine,
and your lips have thinned,
and your skin sags.

Other times 
I imagine you dignified,
wearing the crown of experience---
gazing neither behind or ahead,
but staring squarely at the moment.
You watch as it passes,
taking with it another 
fine detail of your sunken face...
Another detail,
like all those gone lost 
somewhere in my mind.

I've crossed out the lines that I think hang oddly between the first and second stanzas, belonging to the first and therefore not forming any kind of bridge b/w S1 and S2 despite being in the middle. Also, 'eyes shining' and 'skin sagging' have been done to death (as has "done to death").

IMO ending would read better if the details were supposedly lost to the outside world, but hidden somewhere in the poet's mind. That, in fact, may well have been your intention, but it's not apparent. For instance:

like all those lost and hidden
now somewhere in my mind.

[NakedBear]

Now and then, I see your face
in a memory, in a picture.
I wonder how it looks today
under the shade of age. Beneath instead of under
Once in a while, possible remove this line - it feels clunky to me and removing to change the next line smooths this over while giving new opportunities

you were talking faces in the first lines, now you talk of the person. I'd prefer a line break and a shift of object.
since i don't think so much about you I don't think much of you
anymore,
I believe time has done away but believe that time has done away (I don't like the 'I' here, but 'but' links better with what came above. I do like 'has done away'
with its beauty;  your instead of its

That your eyes don't shine,
and your lips have thinned,
and your skin sags. to strengthen the parallels to the previous two lines you can add change a bit to 'has sagged'. Unless the break in parallel is to bring emphasis. If it is for emphasis, I think it is weak. Plus I'd wonder why you emphasis that. but never mind, I'm rambling.

Other times When I do
I imagine you dignified, I imagine you
dignified
wearing the crown of experience---
gazing neither behind or ahead, nor instead of or
but staring squarely at the moment. how does one stare at a moment? I'm curious. Maybe a different mode of experiencing a moment would work. I don't know what just now.
You watch as it passes,
taking with it another 
fine detail of your sunken face... is her face sunken? that description seems incongruous with dignity. Sure, you don't need to be pretty to be dignified, but the word itself has no dignity.
Another detail,
like all those gone lost is lost to you
somewhere in my mind. as many are
to my mind.

Anyway, I do like the sentiment. I'm a sucker for sad romantic feels and all that. I won't be hurt if you ignore my suggestions - they are only suggestions.

[BW BRINE]

I liked the imagery in this poem - I think it's exceptional. That said, there are a few parts that read a bit awkwardly, which I have noted below. Good job.

Now and then, I see your face
in a memory, in a picture.
I wonder how it looks today
under the shade of age.
Once in a while,
since i don't think so much about you
anymore,This is a bit awkward, I don't know how you would rephrase it but I had to read it a few times to get the flow of it (and even then, not so great)
I believe time has done away
with its beauty; its could/should be your

That your eyes don't shine,
and your lips have thinned,
and your skin sags.

Other times 
I imagine you dignified,
wearing the crown of experience---
gazing neither behind or ahead,
but staring squarely at the moment. get rid of "staring"
You watch as it passes,
taking with it another 
fine detail of your sunken face...I think "another" should be on this line
Another detail,
like all those gone lost 
somewhere in my mind.

[RiverNotch]

I wonder how this got past my radar. Lovely movement, though this needs a bit more grace.
Now and then, I see your face
in a memory, in a picture. Colon instead of period, as these two sentences ring with that sort of continuity.
I wonder how it looks today
under the shade of age.
Once in a while,
since i don't think so much about you
anymore, I agree that this needs to be parenthetical, and because of the unneeded awkwardness of the enjambment, I do think these two lines, however long, should be one straight shot -- if you wanna shorten it, I suggest removing "so much", as the line will say the same thing without it anyway.
I believe time has done away
with its beauty; Once the above is a parenthetical, this semicolon wouldn't need to exist; there wouldn't be any confusion regarding the syntax. That said, these two stanzas read more like one; the added emphasis for or the discontinuity of the coming of age adds nothing to me. Remove the next line's cap, and connect it again only with a comma.

That your eyes don't shine,
and your lips have thinned,
and your skin sags. Also, consider making the rhythm more immediate, more fatal here by removing the commas completely. But only consider -- half of me says there is nothing wrong with the current stateliness.

Other times "Now and then", "Once in a while" , and now this: they all feel like their very existences is supposed to be part of a hidden structure from deep within this poem, but honestly, they are either a bit too cliched or a bit too awkwardly placed to work for me. I tried to play around with other variations (for example, removing "now and then" and displacing it to the two other functions of the poem -- "Now....I believe" and "Then....I imagine"), but so far, none have really sticked out for me, but of course, all his is ultimately up to you. Those modifiers are important, I am very sure, just try and add a bit more dignity to them.
I imagine you dignified,
wearing the crown of experience---The em dash is unnecessary; the break in thought here doesn't actually exist. Just a comma, methinks.
gazing neither behind or ahead, Neither/nor. And possibly remove the comma.
but staring squarely at the moment.
You watch as it passes,
taking with it another I think the enjambment here works as great emphasis of the addressed's age, which works to turn the tale back to the very beginning. Somehow, I do agree that these three lines could be shortened and reworded into two, but as in my thought on removing the commas for your middle (hopefully, soon, the end of your first) stanza, it's not a thought I'm truly sure of.
fine detail of your sunken face... The ellipsis feels hammy, as if it were added here only because this is poetry -- the words do their jobs here well enough, methinks. Colon or em dash instead of it.
Another detail,
like all those gone lost Yes, "gone" is redundant. And this is where all those devices determining time and frequency become important, but again, the devices themselves lack a lot of grace, for me. Nevertheless, great effort over all! Still wondering how I missed this -- or maybe I didn't, and I just forgot.
somewhere in my mind.

[dukealien]

I enjoyed this, and got the sentiment.  A few mild critiques, up and down:

Second line, "in a memory, in a picture," the repeated "in a" makes me speed up, reading.  Perhaps removing the first "a" would provide (almost) the same information but continue a languid tempo.

I stumble slightly on "under" in the fourth line, but a word like "beneath" there might make the line's rhythm too regular for your intent.

Not sure there's a purpose to lower-case "i" in "since i don't think so much about you" - you capitalize elsewhere.

Wonder if there's some way to increase emphasis on "believe" in "I believe time has done away," sort of missed it on first reading.  Position at the beginning of the line is good, a line break after might be too much.

"[A]nd your skin sags" is brilliant:  the reader is trained to expect another word by the previous two lines, and stops, searching for it.  The reading sags, just as it should.

"[L]ike all those gone lost" (second to last line) reads beautifully.   So nice I almost lose the meaning there.

Now and then, I see your face
in a memory, in a picture.
I wonder how it looks today
under the shade of age.
Once in a while,
since i don't think so much about you
anymore,
I believe time has done away
with its beauty;

That your eyes don't shine,
and your lips have thinned,
and your skin sags.

Other times 
I imagine you dignified,
wearing the crown of experience---
gazing neither behind or ahead,
but staring squarely at the moment.
You watch as it passes,
taking with it another 
fine detail of your sunken face...
Another detail,
like all those gone lost 
somewhere in my mind.

(My first attempt at a critique, without reading others already in the thread.  Bless all here.)

[the man with the spoon]

Now and then, I see your face
in a memory, in a picture.       ----------> try to take out words like a--> maybe just make it "in memories or pictures"
I wonder how it looks today
under the shade of age.                         the flow between these two lines could use work, maybe : "i wonder how it looks today, under (x) years of age"
Once in a while,
since i don't think so much about you     -------->    scrap line maybe, try to get the point across another way
anymore,
I believe time has done away
with its beauty;

That your eyes don't shine,  ----------> like this verse, but maybe get rid of the first "and"
and your lips have thinned,
and your skin sags.

Other times 
I imagine you dignified,
wearing the crown of experience---
gazing neither behind or ahead,
but staring squarely at the moment.
You watch as it passes,
taking with it another 
fine detail of your sunken face...
Another detail,
like all those gone lost 
somewhere in my mind.

 great potential in this poem, needs a bit of work, i have made some changes that i think might help, above.

[AlstonTowers]

Now and then, I see your face
in a memory, in a picture.
I wonder how it looks today [Don't think you need 'today' here as it is implied with 'age' and throughout the rest of the poem that time has passed.]
under the shade of age. [Generally do just like these lines.]
Once in a while,
since i don't think so much about you [Great interjection: 'I don't think so much about you' is very simple but perfectly adequate.]
anymore,
I believe time has done away
with its beauty;

That your eyes don't shine, [Basically I am just cutting out words that I believe are superfluous or make the image more simple and thus more striking.]
and your lips have thinned,
and your skin sags.

Other times 
I imagine you dignified,
wearing the crown of experience---
gazing neither behind or ahead,
but staring squarely at the moment.
You watch as it passes,
[i]taking with it another  [Taking another, stealing another...I'm just not sure about 'taking with it...another', feel like there needs to be a pause between 'with it' and 'another'.]
fine detail of your sunken face...
Another detail,
like all those gone lost  [All those gone lost? Not sure. Maybe just all those lost.]
somewhere in my mind.

All together a good poem. With just a little amplification of the images you will have yourself a striking poem. Green = good.
[/i]