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Our play, a meandering
extravagance of conversation,
walks like an overweight chef
towards a pastry pantry flour drawer.
A man in the front row smells the rising yeast
and smiles, perhaps remembering
the slow baked tarts of grandmother’s
clean tiled kitchen.
Behind him,
a woman tastes her husband’s
black crust pie, choking down vomit
as a scowl forms.
Posts: 204
Threads: 57
Joined: Jan 2013
Your opening stanza is impeccable. Thanks for the read Wjames, I don't remember ever not being entertained by your posts
I'll be there in a minute.
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I like this one. I can't help but think there was one more stanza to it yet unwritten. Like bringing back to "you two" in some way. Does that make sense? Wanting one more stanza to complete it?
Maybe I'm wrong.
You can't hate me more than I hate myself. I win.
"When the spirit of justice eloped on the wings
Of a quivering vibrato's bittersweet sting."
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Hello Wj-
I'll need to ruminate on this one and come back with a coherent comment.
The surreal scene has me thrown for now... there's something missing for me between the reactions of the man and the woman.
more later, I hope,
Mark
Posts: 489
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Joined: Jan 2013
Thanks for reading guys, I'm glad you like it News and Nothing. You mustn't have read much of my stuff News.
I'm not sure what you mean by "you two" Nothing, the two audience members?
I think a better title could help clarify my intent, I will almost definitely change it, I don't think "Reaction" really adds anything to the writing.
Looking forward to your thoughts Mark, I could explain what I meant, but what would be the fun in that?
Edit - I've changed the title, I think it's a little clearer now.
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Hi Wjames,
The title change really helps. It works as the key to unlock the why behind the audience reactions, it sets the stage.
I love the dizzy feeling I get reading this one, first it's a play, then it's food, then it's emotional baggage, it's like a Russian nesting doll of images. Also it's such an interesting way to say you get out of it what you bring into it. Poetry is a bit the same way I would think. Anyway, just stopped by to say I like it.
--Quix
(08-05-2015, 02:29 PM)Wjames Wrote: Our play, a meandering
extravagance of conversation,
walks like an overweight chef
towards a pastry pantry flour drawer.
A man in the front row smells the rising yeast
and smiles, perhaps remembering
the slow baked tarts of grandmother’s
clean tiled kitchen.
Behind him,
a woman tastes her husband’s
black crust pie, choking down vomit
as a scowl forms.
The Soufflé isn’t the soufflé; the soufflé is the recipe. --Clara
Posts: 489
Threads: 182
Joined: Jan 2013
(08-09-2015, 02:03 PM)Quixilated Wrote: Hi Wjames,
The title change really helps. It works as the key to unlock the why behind the audience reactions, it sets the stage. I love the dizzy feeling I get reading this one, first it's a play, then it's food, then it's emotional baggage, it's like a Russian nesting doll of images. Also it's such an interesting way to say you get out of it what you bring into it. Poetry is a bit the same way I would think. Anyway, just stopped by to say I like it.
--Quix
Thanks for reading and commenting, I'm glad you like it.
