Doin Time

[Mark A Becker]

Doin Time

I retired after 40 years guardin at San Quentin.  
Mostly 12 hour shifts to send the boys to college,
have a nice house, and nice cars.  A lotta good that done.
My wife run off 15 years ago with a fuckin ex-con.

One of my boys died of a meth OD last year. The other
just finished an on-line degree in abnormal psychology,
at Leavenworth.  He’ll be spending the rest of his life
behind bars figurin out why he killed those three women.  

Most days now l stop on by to visit some guys on D block.
Nobody visits most of ‘em, so I figured I might's well.
I got me enough saved up to get ‘em presents at birthdays
and Christmas, and I can help out a few once they get sprung.

At night, when I dream, I’m still walking them blocks,
doing night checks.  After 40 years, including the dreams,
I figure I spent a million hours doin time. But, hell, it's all good.
The only hard time I really done was on the outside.

[Wjames]

Doing Time

I retired last year after 40 years as a prison guard.  
Mostly 12 hour shifts to send the kids to college,
have a nice house, and nice cars.  A lotta good that done.
My wife run off 15 years ago with a fuckin ex-con.

One of the boys died of a meth OD last year. The other I think you should change "One of the boys" to "One of my/our boys". I thought you meant one of the prisoners at first read.
just finished an on-line degree in abnormal psychology,
at Leavenworth.  He’ll have the rest of his life behind bars
trying to figure out why he killed those three women.  I would cut "trying", but that's just personal preference.

Even retired I still come by to visit the guys on the block.  Is "even retired" necessary?
Nobody else visits most of ‘em, so I figure I might as well.
I got enough money now to get ‘em presents at birthdays
and Christmas. Two guys that been sprung live at my place. Them living with the narrator is strange to me... I just can't picture it, it sort of seems like the premise of a bad comedy to me.  "

At night, when I dream, I’m still walking the blocks,
doing night checks.  After 40 years, including the dreams,
I figure I spent a million hours doin time. But, hell, it's all good.
The only hard time I really done was on the outside. I like the ending.

I like the poem, I read it with a butch southern accent. It's sort of like a different take on all those stories of ex-cons struggling to survive outside after a longtime in jail.

[Mark A Becker]

Thank Wj

I've often wondered what it must be like to be a prison guard, working a lot of OT, and odd shifts, at an over-crowded prison.  Can't be much different than being locked up...

I appreciated your comments, and implemented some of them. Thanks!

... Mark

[Brownlie]

Doing Time

I retired after 40 years guardin at San Quentin.  -- I think this poem needs physical description.
Mostly 12 hour shifts to send the boys to college,
have a nice house, and nice cars.  A lotta good that done. -- I'm not sure about the type of idiom adopted for this poem. "lotta good that done" suggests the speaker has bad grammar. (Not that grammar isn't necessarily a pedantic concern at times.)
My wife run off 15 years ago with a fuckin ex-con. -- Ran off because of the past tense? 

One of my boys died of a meth OD last year. The other
just finished an on-line degree in abnormal psychology,
at Leavenworth.  He’ll be spending the rest of his life
behind bars figuring out why he killed those three women.  

Most days now l stop by to visit the guys on the block.
Nobody visits most of ‘em, so I figure I might as well.
I got enough money now to get ‘em presents at birthdays
and Christmas, and help out a little once they get sprung.

At night, when I dream, I’m still walking the blocks,
doing night checks.  After 40 years, including the dreams,
I figure I spent a million hours doin time. But, hell, it's all good.
The only hard time I really done was on the outside. -- I've

Left some comments.

[Mark A Becker]

Thanks for readin Brownlie-

The grammar strays a bit intentionally, including the very last line where "I've" would be correct, but "I" is right for this speaker.

I have one called "Senses of Direction" that I won't post because it is written with a pure "redneck dialect" that is written and reads almost like a foreign language: it really only works as a spoken poem.

I was going to do a similar treatment with this one, but backed off so that it would at least be readable when posted. This'uns jes gottin a sprinklin o' sum'at kinda lang'age in 'er...

... Mark

[Brownlie]

Thanks for readin Brownlie-

The grammar strays a bit intentionally, including the very last line where "I've" would be correct, but "I" is right for this speaker.

I have one called "Senses of Direction" that I won't post because it is written with a pure "redneck dialect" that is written and reads almost like a foreign language: it really only works as a spoken poem.

I was going to do a similar treatment with this one, but backed off so that it would at least be readable when posted. This'uns jes gottin a sprinklin o' sum'at kinda lang'age in 'er...  

... Mark

I figured the grammar was intentional. As for the dialect, I think it could work if it's accurate. For instance, if I tried writing "redneck dialect" I don't think it would work because I'm not familiar with it.