Posts: 250
Threads: 85
Joined: Dec 2013
Author's Note: Yes, yes, I'm an idiot.
Emergency Bacon
I keep a shard of bacon
in my hat,
hard as arteries.
In my shoe,
under the tongue,
there's bacon,
underdone.
I keep my party bacon
in a black
and secret larder
on my hip
for when someone
asks, achingly,
why suddenly
they're craving bacon.
Want a snack?
I'd gladly barter
a little bacon,
for a hug.
Distressed, they eat my bacon
in the name of love.
A yak is normal.
Posts: 695
Threads: 139
Joined: Jun 2015
Hey crow--
HA! Neat little story. Emergency bacon indeed!
Interesting construction. I'll need to come back later to comment on it, after I get a better idea of how it works like it does-- almost "sounds" like a song, the way the lines break.
As whacky as it is, I can actually see this occurring in real life. Not my life, but real none the less.
Thanks!
... Mark
Posts: 522
Threads: 48
Joined: Nov 2012
Love it. Also think this has a sing song / nursery rhyme feel to it. I get the control of the structure but I found on reading it aloud that it felt like it wanted to to hang differently.
Heres what my read gave me. (sorry I've messed up you nice tidy poem but I find that bacon just cannot stay all neat and straight it needs to go all squiggly).
(Oh an no you're not an idiot - Perfectly normal, you never know when you might need some bacon in your life
)
(07-10-2015, 05:02 AM)crow Wrote: Author's Note: Yes, yes, I'm an idiot.
Emergency Bacon
I keep a shard of bacon
in my hat,
hard as arteries.
In my shoe,
under the tongue,
there's bacon,
underdone. Thought both first two stanzas perfect. No suggestes, please don't change. Started smiling as soon as I read these. (sort of paddington bear thing going on - very loveable)
I keep my party bacon (Love the shift to a party animal with suitable attire of party bacon)
in a black, and secret larder
on my hip
for when someone Least favorite line - reads heavy and clunky.
asks, achingly, why suddenly they're craving bacon. sorry it had to be moved up - I want a bit of bacon in each stanza !!
Want a snack?
I'd gladly barter
a little bacon,
for a hug.
Distressed,
they eat my bacon
in the name of love. Brilliant ending. what can i say - now I want some bacon.
[url=//uk.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/][/url]
Posts: 250
Threads: 85
Joined: Dec 2013
"[Y]ou never know when you might need some bacon"! rotfl or whatever the thing is. hahahaha
A yak is normal.
