Cohen's Redemption (Senryu)

[heslopian]

sunshine on each car's fender
Cohen's redemption
my unbridled pain

[billy]

excellent one nit would be where fender is.
the cut doesn't matter with senryu. if cohen played a fender then the s on cars feels too much if he didnt the fender for me read better on the top line.

what is extremely good about this is the juxtaposition between cohens redemption and my pain.
there a type of depression that comes from not getting enough sunlight. which it seems was cohens problem. (or one of them) the my in the senryu is obviously the opposite. nice one jack.

[heslopian]

Thanks for the feedback and kind words Billy What do you mean "if Cohen played a fender"?

Yeah I'm going to move "fender" on up beside "car's." Thanks again for the help.

I don't think I've heard of that depression type before... In the interview I mentioned on DU, Cohen said that he knew his sadness had been lifted when he noticed the image because he could finally see outside of himself, and recognise the beauty of the world.

Apparently, as you grow older, the brain cells associated with anxiety begin to die, which is why I look forward to my dotage

[billy]

a fender is a brand/make of guitar.

sorry i meant to say some people suffer bad depression if they don't get enough sunlight.
from the poem i presumed he was one of them.

[addy]

Wow great pice, poignant and affirming. That image (sunshine on car fenders) really is beautiful

[heslopian]

Thank you for the kind words, addy They really mean a lot.