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02-25-2018, 09:53 AM
(This post was last modified: 02-25-2018, 09:53 AM by Leanne.)
Skeleton On The Sea Floor
It just appeared there one day, fused to the seabed
as one clinically depressed merges with their mattress
or decomposes into couch cushions. Weight fell
like a thick blanket over their face as they slept,
convincing the mind to keep dreaming and the lungs to surrender.
It just appeared there one day, like a woman
of thirty-five suddenly seeing her feet wearing sensible heels,
sitting behind a desk with a picture of a husband and two kids,
unable to breathe.
* Original thread can be found here
It could be worse
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This was always one of my favorites! Congratulations, Lizzie!!! >
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The Soufflé isn’t the soufflé; the soufflé is the recipe. --Clara
just mercedes
Unregistered
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Good for you, kid!
Congratulations on your
awesome achievement! <3
there's always a better reason to love
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Always so interesting watching you edit, Lizzie. Well done.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips
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Awwww, thanks guys.
Now I know which version to stick with! I pull this one out every couple of months and try to make decisions....never can...
I would like to thank everybody who helped by providing feedback. I got some great support.
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It's an excellent poem, Lizzie, and the last lines do indeed knock the breath out of you.
It could be worse
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like it lots.
i wonder if there´s a way to avoid spelling out depression, since it´s such a loaded term (and caused by so many different things).
...
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Thank you Leanne for spotlighting this one by Lizzie I totally missed it on the forum. Really well done Lizzie, the close is quite daunting and make the re read ever more powerful. Congratulations. Keith
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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Nice one Lizzie. Read this one a few times and it gets better with each read.
Time is the best editor.
