Suburbia

[Wjames]

Flamingoes stalk the grass in rows
and gnomes mould mushroom huts;
old men keep them waxed and posed,
for children run amuck.
 
The bake sale draws a modest crowd,
but teens bring uncooked eggs,
their shells lie broken, disavowed,
while mothers cry, “For shame!”

[ChristopherSea]

This is a fun and charming snapshot of suburbia James.

You have a small typo: ‘gnomes’ and I don’t think you need that comma
between ‘them’ and ‘waxed.’

Thanks for the amusing post!/Chris  

[Wjames]

This is a fun and charming snapshot of suburbia James.

You have a small typo: ‘gnomes’ and I don’t think you need that comma
between ‘them’ and ‘waxed.’

Thanks for the amusing post!/Chris  

Yes, I think you're right. Thanks for reading!

[tectak]

Flamingoes stalk the grass in rows
and gnomes mould mushroom huts;
old men keep them waxed and posed,
for children run amuck.
 
The bake sale draws a modest crowd,
but teens bring uncooked eggs,
their shells lie broken, disavowed,
while mothers cry, “For shame!”

A delight. Runs like clockwork, no surprises, pleasure to read and visualise. More like this, please.
S2, L1 and L2 make a complete sentence. You may consider starting L3 with a generic descriptor to start a new sentence and avoid the "their" ambiguity. What is the old fool rabbiting about?
The bake sale draws a modest crowd
but teens bring uncooked eggs.
Brown ( pale, white, thin, sharp) shells lay broken, disavowed
while mothers cry, "For shame!"

That is all.
Best and good egg,
tectak

[Wjames]

Flamingoes stalk the grass in rows
and gnomes mould mushroom huts;
old men keep them waxed and posed,
for children run amuck.
 
The bake sale draws a modest crowd,
but teens bring uncooked eggs,
their shells lie broken, disavowed,
while mothers cry, “For shame!”

A delight. Runs like clockwork, no surprises, pleasure to read and visualise. More like this, please.
S2, L1 and L2 make a complete sentence. You may consider starting L3 with a generic descriptor to start a new sentence and avoid the "their" ambiguity. What is the old fool rabbiting about?
The bake sale draws a modest crowd
but teens bring uncooked eggs.
Brown ( pale, white, thin, sharp) shells lay broken, disavowed
while mothers cry, "For shame!"

That is all.
Best and good egg,
tectak

Thanks, yes, I might use "sharp", it sounds nice, and as you say, "their" adds nothing.

[Mark A Becker]

Hey wj-

I think I've seen this exact scene in Florida. Or was is South Carolina?

I love that the old men keep them waxed and posed, because they do always look a little too perfect, how they're lined up. Where's the bird bath? (Maybe in the next edition).

And the egging... so typically suburban.

Good one, all around. Concise images, with just enough action to tell a little story.

It was a fun read. Thanks,
... Mark