Breaking Up Makes Sense For Some But Not Others

[rowens]

For months this girl has my heart on a chain,
acting like she can't find the key.
She has a boyfriend, and just won't
break up with him.
"You don't understand relationships."
She tells me again and again.
"They're always bad, I always hurt,
and they always end up leaving me in the end.
I wouldn't be able to survive if you left me.
I feel, I feel
like you're all I've got in all the world."

But she won't leave me alone.
She never sees her boyfriend but when her body
is in such desperate need that she can't resist anymore.
"I've never cheated." She kept trying to explain.
"He makes me sick, his body is so flabby,
and he has muscles that feel like a frog.
But I've never cheated.
No. I'm a decent person;
unlike all the slutty bitches running around out there."

People see us together,
when I'm taking her shopping;
how we look all tense and frustrated,
my neighbor told me he hears us shouting
at night sometimes.
"You two just need to fuck and get it over with."
He told me.
I know, I tell him; but decent girls like her
are always faithful to their partners no matter what.
"That bitch sounds crazy."
My neighbor said.

She always called her boyfriend her partner;
but I couldn't see where he was partnering her with anything
except for sex.
I drove her to work; I cooked her dinner; I fed her pets;
and I even had to go to church with her mother,
while she worked to support her lazy ass boyfriend
who couldn't afford his rent.
"That boy's a real bastard." Her mother said,
after the preacher asked her if her daughter was still seeing the same boy
that once got arrested for breaking into his church.

One night, she came over drunk
with a black eye.
And she finally let me get her in the sack.
For the next few days,
she avoided me;
then she started showing up and sitting
outside in my car,
smoking and talking on her phone.

When she started talking to me again,
things seemed fine.
Things went on as usual,
until the day she got fired
and she stopped by to see me earlier than usual.

She said she couldn't stay,
she was uncomfortable, because now
she only feels like a sex object when she's with me.
I asked her didn't she say she felt that way with her boyfriend:
and she said yes, but with him it was worse.
And it was easier to feel bad with him
than with me,
because I made her feel so good.

[vtsai01]

I read it more as a rap than a traditional poem. It also seemed more like a story than a poem. I was a bit confused in the end; she didnt want to see you anymore because she was very hurt to feel like a sex object with you?

[rowens]

There are many traditions, it's hard to escape them. Rap has a tradition too, though maybe not poetry, I don't know. But this wouldn't be all that easy to rap.

I guess it can and should be read in different ways.

If I'm telling a story, that amounts to something for me. Other people might be writing poetry when they write poetry, doesn't mean I have to.

Thanks for reading it. It's good to read what you think.

[Magpie]

I'm not much of an expert on rap, but I can't imagine that this would make a good rap song as mentioned in the previous post.
This was very easy to read in the sense of how it flowed and I like the use of quotes throughout which kept it grounded and real. The storytelling nature of the poem was very matter of fact, which added, I think, to the feelings of detachment. Yet it was real enough to make me interested in the characters and what would happen to them.
The last stanza is excellent, and to be perfectly honest I cried at the end of this poem. Life sometimes doesn't make sense and people sometimes make even less sense with there actions.
This was a very good read, you managed to say a hell of a lot of stuff in such a small space, thank you for sharing it.

[rowens]

I guess you mean the post previous to my post. I don't think it's a rap song.

People don't make sense; but I don't expect them to. The fact that people tend to want you to make sense all the time isn't fair. Though things are hard even when they do make sense, and even more cruel. And I don't see that changing any time soon.

[justcloudy]

rowens this doesn't feel like rap to me either. I haven't had time to crit but I love everything you've been posting lately. very raw. I love your style. you really capture things in a poignant and gut wrenching way. sometimes I try to tell stories in poetry too, but you're much more successful than I am ;p
anyway, loved this, have no useful crits for you other than well-deserved praise. thanks for sharing.

[rowens]

You people that like me need to move to my town, and lend some support, before I get burned at the stake for maybe-being-a-witch though-not-a-hot-chick-one.

[Erthona]

Hey I'd move there and support you if you were getting burned at the stake, or at least I'd buy a ticket. Although I don't think people will support you, because you are not famous. They only support the famous people and buy their writings because they have no idea which is good writing and which is bad, they only know who is trendy. The internet tells them who is trendy like it tells them the temperature. Maybe you should arrange for the local news to interview you and how you have a life and death crush on Bruce Jenner and you can only think of riding her backside, but your so depressed because you know it will never come true. Then show them your writings, telling them it's about your unrequited love for Jenner and since it is not they will call it genius because they can't make sense of it. Pretty soon people will just be buying your writing because you are now famous and everybody thinks your a genius.

BTW Anyone who thinks this is rap doesn't have a clue. rowens does not write rap and this doesn't rhymes, which is inherent in the structure of rap. rownes also does nor rhyme, at least I have never read anything that he wrote of his that rhymed. Of course there was that one little odd poem he wrote once, but I don't think it rhymed. I think maybe the stench in his house is not conducive to rhyming, plus how can you rhyme when your three legged dog dies? Well, you don't!


dale