< china doll >

[rayheinrich]

                                   

                                     < china doll >  
                                 
                                from the third floor terrace  
                                of a Dallas mall  
                                i saw him push you  
                                i saw you fall  
                                 
                                they'd dressed you sweet  
                                like a china doll  
                                (a Dior dress  
                                and a white silk shawl)  
                                 
                                            - - -




Photograph stolen from Craige Hermann

[Tiger the Lion]

Lovely Ray. Everyday and unique at once. Can you move |"sweet" to right before "china doll"? Reads better for me that way.

[just mercedes]

Great save of a faux-ku-cachoo! Very effective.

[rayheinrich]

Great save of a faux-ku-cachoo! Very effective.

    daed si luap

[just mercedes]

Great save of a faux-ku-cachoo! Very effective.

    daed si luap

yaw taht sllems tsuj eh on

[rayheinrich]

Lovely Ray. Everyday and unique at once. Can you move |"sweet" to right before "china doll"? Reads better for me that way.

Well... it messes the rhythm up as that fifth line needs
to end with a stressed syllable before the pause at the
end of the line. (see the scan below).

But more importantly the 'sweet' is a description
of how they dressed her and not a description of the doll.

The problem comes from me using a regional colloquialism
where 'sweet' means 'innocently', 'pristinely', 'naively'.
It is used as an adverb. The adverb 'sweetly' doesn't
mean the same thing.

I need to fix that, thanks for making me aware of it.

------------------------------
from the THIRD FLOOR TER race
of a DAL las MALL
                               
i SAW him PUSH you
i SAW you FALL

they'd DRESSED you SWEET
like a CHI na DOLL

(a DI or DRESS
and a WHITE SILK SHAWL)  

[billy]

it's got that double take haunting quality .