New Life, No Better

[i.might.be.a.bit.sad]

Sounds in the hall,
the loud privacy of
individual crisis.
I look out the window, the grass I haven't felt in days.
I am so extremely tired.
Exhausted.
Numb.
After a long time,
it seeps through my battered skin.
This really happened,
It happened.
It happened.
It happened.
I shake and shudder, salt crusting my cheeks.

The night I tried to die,
I got a new life.

I don't think I like this one, either.

[rayheinrich]

Sounds in the hall,
the loud privacy of <- I love 'loud privacy'
individual crisis. <- 'individual crisis' is overused, why not just 'crisis' or a synonym
I look out the window, the grass I haven't felt in days.
I am so extremely tired.  <- 'extremely' isn't necessary, too many modifiers (adj, adverb, etc.)
                                  actually decrease the intensity
Exhausted.
Numb.
After a long time, <- not necessary
it seeps through my battered skin. <- same with 'battered'
This really happened,
It happened.
It happened.
It happened. <- this repetition works, don't let anyone tell you different
I shake and shudder, salt crusting my cheeks. <- again, a bit too much any one of the 3 is ok, but not all 3

The night I tried to die,
I got a new life.

I don't think I like this one, either. <- these last three lines, esp. end one are quite wonderful

[Bunx]

Sounds in the hall,
the loud privacy of
individual crisis. Love the juxtaposition of these ideas, Maybe use this more throughout the poem.
I look out the window, the grass I haven't felt in days. This reads a little strange out loud maybe try "I looks out the window at grass I have not felt in days"
I am so extremely tired.
Exhausted.
Numb. Like the clear imagery, Give the reader I feeling of exhaustion in isolation. It may be beneficial to combine some of the last lines so you don't use two synonyms (tired and exhausted) right next to another.
"I am so exhausted, numb. 
Is seeps through my battered skin"
After a long time,
it seeps through my battered skin.
This really happened,
It happened.
It happened.
It happened. I am assuming that you are referring to a attempted sucide. You could try to elaborate in a creative way
I shake and shudder, salt crusting my cheeks.

The night I tried to die,
I got a new life. This sentence seems a bit simple as this being the biggest point in the poem maybe try and reword the idea to make it sound more significant then stating a fact.

I don't think I like this one, either. Not sure if you need the comma.

Really enjoyed the read hopefully some suggestions will come in use. I was a little confused with the setting of the poem. At first I thought it took place at a work place then a school but I think it is at a home. Anyways good start and happy writing.

[Unaccoutable ignorance]

I am new to the pig pen, and I don't know much about poems.

Sounds in the hall,
the loud privacy of (liked the loud privacy, really clicked with me )
individual crisis.
I look out the window, the grass I haven't felt in days.
I am so extremely tired.
Exhausted. (I liked the period at each of them. The sensational imagery was quite clear)
Numb.
After a long time,
it seeps through my battered skin.
This really happened,
It happened.
It happened.
It happened. (idk, the repetition didn't really work for me. I personally would have taken out the it(s) at the last two lines , to create a sense of disorientation, and dizziness which seems to go with your poem )
I shake and shudder, salt crusting my cheeks.

The night I tried to die,
I got a new life. (I got a new life seems too affirmative for a person is in utter despair. maybe: someone shoved me a new life)

I don't think I like this one, either.
(I genuinely LOOOVED your ending. I thought the comma at the end was quite brilliant, the pause creates a kind of suspense, the ominous feeling as if the narrator is going to do it again. )

[YolaSm]

Sounds in the hall,
the loud privacy of
individual crisis. (really liked these first 3 lines and especially the 2nd one. "Loud privacy", such a subtle choice of words, really caught my interest and made me look forward to read the whole poem)
I look out the window, the grass I haven't felt in days.
I am so extremely tired.
Exhausted.
Numb. (I like the simplicity of your lines)
After a long time, <-- (this line doesn't do it for me, it's too raw. Furthermore, line 4 pretty much emphasized on the duration of time, so, there is no need to repeat it here, it also doesn't connect harmonically with the following line.)

I think it's be interesting if you added up 1 or 2 lines here to refer to the reasons why the poetic speaker attempted suicide, the reasons don't have to be explicit. The last line (I don't think I like this one, either.) indicates that the speaker might not even know if he/she didn't like his/her "previous" life, you could perhaps add up to his idea cause I think it is very interesting. Just a suggestion.

This really happened,
It happened.
It happened.
It happened. (The repetition is really powerful here)
I shake and shudder, salt crusting my cheeks.

The night I tried to die,
I got a new life. (I agree with @Unaccoutable ignorance on this line)

I don't think I like this one, either. (very clever ending)

[phenomena]

I feel like some more imagery could be used, you could 'show' the reader more of the extent of the feelings in this poems rather than 'telling' them.

"I shake and shudder, salt crusting my cheeks."
This line feels a little off to me, it kinda stands out in a rough way from the rest of the poem.

"The night I tried to die,
I got a new life.

I don't think I like this one, either."

I feel like there should be something in between here, or somewhere, of more of an explanation of how the previous life was.

"I don't think I like this one, either."
This is probably one of the best parts, it gives a bit of a foreboding feeling, as if the character is going to do it again.

Overall, it's a great poem, and I enjoyed reading it very much

[clairethaoduong]

This poem is really amazing! It depicts very truthfully the inner turmoil of the speaker Well done! However I think that it's a bit wordy for me as you don't need "extremely" when you already have "so" or vice versa. But I really like the first three lines, I think that the metaphor of loud sound could be expanded a little bit more (as it's really good!) On the whole, great poem :3