nests

[Anne]

the staff are too nice by for my petulant outbursts so i've asked to be banned

[tectak]

Nests

Outside the back window, across the alley Comma. You can see why, I know you can
the food coop’s blue recycle barrels Hmm. An aversion methinks. Your poem but are you reading it out loud? Nice start, though. I want more
loaded with knocked-down materials
are a regular Home Depot
for the local birds.

Flying and swooping above the rot I believe that swooping and flying may be much the same thing...unless you know different. Find something else that birds do...yes?
and decay, they were a flurry of life
throughout the dead cold of winter Nice and simple contrast between life and dead. It works as a neat observation.
before the last of dropped freezer truck ice Too wordy for this birdy. You omitted the name of the freezer truck driver.
had finally melted into the asphalt. Yes to this image, too. I like the "finally" as it implies impatience. Is that your intent? Please say yes then tell me why.

Before green began poking through the gray cement
cracks, their beaks plucked loose
burlap and twine from the piles,
the warp and weft woven into arborvitaes
across from second story windows. Overall comment on this stanza would criticise the line break on the adjective train "grey cement....cracks. Not good. Better to break after "through" as you do not appear to be seriously enjambing (ie with purpose). For clarity, however, you must associate "their" back to two stanzas ago. This far on it is a disconnected possession. Oh, we know you mean birds, beaks are the clue, but still....

To warm and feather our homes,
we humans scavenge too, comma misplaced or missing. "We humans scavenge, too; from West Elm to farm field flea markets for the...."
from West Elm to farm field flea markets
for the smoothest bed sheets, the comfiest couch,
a vintage mirror....but still a vivid observation. There is veracity here but the, the, a is inconsistent.

Now that the Flowering Crabapple blossoms Random capitals confuse. No Farm Field Flea Market but Flowering Crabapple...
block the alley view, we open windows and peek out
from our cozy creations, smell the spring air
and join the birds chirping
in concert with the tulips breaking ground. "In concert with..." misses. Chirping, yes...but with breaking ground. I just cannot help thinking "breaking wind" .Harrumph....sorry about that....

No real problems with this but there is inconsistency in a few areas. The structure suffers from tiny tremors rather than catastrophic failure. It is pastoral but hell, spring gets us that way.
Best,
tectak

[Tiger the Lion]

Hello Anne, and welcome. Lovely poem. Some notes below.

Nests

Outside the back window, across the alley
the food coop’s blue recycle barrels Did you mean coop? or co-op? I don't know if this is a clever pun or a well-worn colloquialism. It works either way, but I need to know. 
loaded with knocked-down materials
are a regular Home Depot
for the local birds.

Flying and swooping above the rot I think this is the best stanza. Please do not start it with "flying and swooping"
and decay, they were a flurry of life
throughout the dead cold of winter
before the last of dropped freezer truck ice these 2 lines finish the thought nicely, but need a trim. Consider the need for "of", "had", "the", also "freezer-truck" hyphenated sounds better to me out loud. I dunno why!
had finally melted into the asphalt.

Before green began poking through the gray cement not a fan of this line break. Ditching "cracks," might fix it.
cracks, their beaks plucked loose
burlap and twine from the piles,
the warp and weft woven into arborvitaes
across from second story windows.

To warm and feather our homes,
we humans scavenge too, only personal opinion but whenever I read "we humans" I feel the writer is dragging me into their metaphor. I know it's about humans, of course it is. I understand the need to segue but I think you can do it better.
from West Elm to farm field flea markets
for the smoothest bed sheets, the comfiest couch,I would prefer a semi-colon or even an em dash here as your list goes from the to the to a. 
a vintage mirror.

Now that the Flowering Crabapple blossoms
block the alley view, we open windows and peek out
from our cozy creations, smell the spring air
and join the birds chirping
in concert with the tulips breaking ground.Don't like "in concert". The meaning is there but music is too dry. 

Good Luck with this. I'll be back,
Paul

[just mercedes]

Hi Anne, and welcome. I'm on the other side of the equator, so it's autumn here - still a Spring poem is always welcome! I made a few notes. You've had advice already about punctuation, so I'll leave that out.




Outside the back window, across the alley
the food coop’s blue recycle barrels I like the particulars
loaded with knocked-down materials is there a better word than 'materials'?
are a regular Home Depot
for the local birds.

Flying and swooping above the rot Not both - I know there's a difference between flying and swooping, but you'll  have to find another way than these words.
and decay, they were a flurry of life 'rot and decay' ditto
throughout the dead cold of winter
before the last of dropped freezer truck ice
had finally melted into the asphalt. Can you get rid of a few 'the' in this stanza? Is it too picky to say that ice doesn't melt into asphalt?


Before green began poking through the gray cement
cracks, their beaks plucked loose I don't like this line break, or the image of unattached beaks.
burlap and twine from the piles,
the warp and weft woven into arborvitaes
across from second story windows.

To warm and feather our homes,
we humans scavenge too,
from West Elm to farm field flea markets
for the smoothest bed sheets, the comfiest couch,
a vintage mirror.

Now that the Flowering Crabapple blossoms
block the alley view, we open windows and peek out
from our cozy creations, smell the spring air
and join the birds chirping
in concert with the tulips breaking ground. Almost synesthesia here but it feels a little clumsy

I like the movement in your poem, from a focus on something in the window, out to West Elm and farm fields, and back again to the ground, watching a tulip appear. I like the way you compare us to birds; there's an unstated acknowledgement in your poem that everything alive works together. It was interesting to me that you wrote of the birds, over a period of time, rather than the blossoms which have just appeared. As if you know the blossoms will soon vanish, but the birds, and you, will still be there.

Thanks for posting this - I enjoyed seeing the scene through your eyes.

[milo]

Hello there, Anne. So happy to see you joining the celebration. To my reading, the central metaphor here compares humans to birds through several of our habits, most notably the scavenging of materials for coziness and the re-invigoration with spring. i wonder if there aren't areas where the poem loses focus on purpose and allows itself to drift too much.

Nests

Outside the back window, across the alley
the food coop’s blue recycle barrels

took me a bit to say "food coop" but I think this early pointing of your metaphor is important. What purpose is "blue' serving here? i would scrap it.

loaded with knocked-down materials
are a regular Home Depot
for the local birds.

you have built a very complex sentence here, mostly due to the modification, including the modifying clause. In this sentence we have - food coop's blue recycle and the clause "loaded with knocked-down materials" all chaining together. The sentence loses all impact due to the unnecessary complexity of it. You also end up losing other opportunities to suggest your metaphor or add pleasant sonics due to the hopeless complexity. i would suggest finding a way to simplify what you are saying. Also, materials seems particularly weak and general, especially following the pleasantness of "knocked-down". "are a regular" seems like a misplaced idiomatic colloquialism.

Flying and swooping above the rot
and decay, they were a flurry of life

Flying /and/ swooping, rot /and/ decay - if you need to use 2 words to do the task of one, you are probably selecting the wrong words.

throughout the dead cold of winter

is "dead cold of winter" a cliche or isn't it? hmmm . . . not exactly sure but it certainly feels like a cliche.

before the last of dropped freezer truck ice
had finally melted into the asphalt.

I have to be honest, I don't know what "dropped freezer truck ice is". I know what all of the words are. i am familiar with freezer trucks but there is something odd going on with this construction. you wouldn't need "of" either way and you probably wouldn't need "finally" either. There must be a more elegant way of saying what you mean here.

Before green began poking through the gray cement
cracks, their beaks plucked loose
burlap and twine from the piles,
the warp and weft woven into arborvitaes
across from second story windows.

ok - so while the tense shift isn't wrong, per se, it is unexpected and i wonder if it is worth the bother. I have already read ahead and i see you will shift right back to the present again, why not just stick with present tense -

It is also becoming glaringly obvious that a switch to active voice would help this piece along a lot. i would consider switching completely to active voice.

I don't see the benefit or necessity in describing cement as gray - isn't it usually gray?

What is the significance of the "second story" windows? Do they not nest at the third story level? Do the evergreens in that area not grow much taller? Are the buildings only so high? i must know now.

To warm and feather our homes,

feather is probably perfect without warm

we humans scavenge too,

"we humans" is just ridiculous. i realize the narrator is not a bird by this point, why not just "humans".

from West Elm to farm field flea markets
for the smoothest bed sheets, the comfiest couch,
a vintage mirror.

Now that the Flowering Crabapple blossoms
block the alley view, we open windows and peek out
from our cozy creations, smell the spring air
and join the birds chirping
in concert with the tulips breaking ground.

There is some clumsiness, way too much modification and some issues with tense/passive voice but overall, the metaphor holds up fine and it is pleasant enough.

Thanks for posting.

Good luck!

[Todd]

Hello Anne, 

Welcome to the site. Let me give you some comments below.

Nests

Outside the back window, across the alley
the food coop’s blue recycle barrels
loaded with knocked-down materials
are a regular Home Depot
for the local birds.

One thing I'm missing Anne is a lead in that captures me. I think you do a good job with words like back window and alley to give a castaway sense of something overlooked. I thought about Jared Carter's opening line for his poem, Fire Burning in a Fifty-Five Gallon Drum: "Next time you'll notice them on your way to work" There has to be something that lifts this from simple observation. My only other issue with the first strophe is the use of Home Depot. Normally, I like specific choices. I wonder though if this dates the poem and if using hardware store might be more beneficial. So, no strong issues here mostly just wanted something stronger in the opening. Nests is a good title, but its also comes off as fairly unassuming. I think if you're title is more basic you're opening line needs to do more. This could simply be my bias.

Flying and swooping above the rot--doesn't swooping imply flying (or diving at least)? For economy flying could become ascending, rising, or some such. I like the ending words on each of these lines.
and decay, they were a flurry of life
throughout the dead cold of winter--This line sounds particularly nice with its word choices.
before the last of dropped freezer truck ice--This feels way too cumbersome. I get what you're trying to convey, but the phrasing grinds the poem to a halt.
had finally melted into the asphalt.

Before green began poking through the gray cement--You might consider breaking on gray. You also probably don't need the "the" before gray.
cracks, their beaks plucked loose
burlap and twine from the piles,--Nice specific detail on the last two lines. Very visual.
the warp and weft woven into arborvitaes
across from second story windows.

To warm and feather our homes,
we humans scavenge too,--These two lines feel too blunt. I think its a good comparison but I'd like to see it executed with more subtlety. Maybe it could be as "We warm and feather our homes/from West Elm..." I'm not sure.
from West Elm to farm field flea markets--farm may be one two many words here. Maybe cut it. The fff sounds get a little jumbled on my read at least.
for the smoothest bed sheets, the comfiest couch,--smoothest and comfiest I would probably prefer with imagery instead of modifiers, or with more concrete description (Egyptian cotton, etc)
a vintage mirror.

Now that the Flowering Crabapple blossoms--Probably don't need that
block the alley view, we open windows and peek out
from our cozy creations, smell the spring air
and join the birds chirping
in concert with the tulips breaking ground.--Probably can cut the "the" This is close to an epiphany moment (Wright's A Blessing, Mueller's What the Dog Perhaps Hears. The pacing feels a bit off. There needs to be more of a driving, building sense leading us to the payoff. It isn't far off though.

I hope some of these comments will be helpful to you. I like the bones you have here, and think this could develop nicely.

Best,

Todd

[Todd]

Anne, before I comment on the revision let me address some of the questions, even some that I didn't raise.

First we usually post revisions above the original poem by doing a full edit and noting Rev or Rev 1 in the title.

Rev

Poem

~~~
Original

Poem

Sort of like that. It stops people from commenting on your original when you've made changes. People may not read the thread first because they want to look at the poem fresh and not be influenced by other comments. If you'd like to do that and need help please let me know.

Questions:

Home Depot/West Elm: Using a business name though fixes the poem in a certain time and robs it off a more universal appeal. If I thought Home Depot added something more that what hardware store would give you, I would consider keeping it. As it is, I don't think it does. You're right the same is probably true for West Elm. Possible substitutes, maybe contrast the field markets with artisan showroom. Just a thought.

Freezer truck: I knew what you were going for, but let me ask you how important is it for the ice to drop off the truck and melt? Is ice being in the scene enough? I can't answer that, but its important to ask yourself what that specific construction is buying the poem thematically. If it doesn't need to be there pare it down. If it does, it just needs language clean up. Oh, and onto is a better choice.

flowering crabapple: I prefer this to the more generic flowering trees or the like. As to capitalization, while there are exceptions when a plant is named after a person or place (and even then only sometimes), it is almost always lowercase.

I'll read the revision a bit now, and do a separate post later after I've thought about it some.

Best,

Todd

[Todd]

Hi Anne,

Here are my comments on the revision:


NESTS

Outside the back window, across the alley,--I know you’re considering your opening so I’ll pass on commenting redundantly.
the food co-op’s dumpsters, 
are a regular hardware store
for the local birds.—you can cut “the”

Above the rot, birds ascend and rise,--maybe swoop and rise. As your two words are essentially the same.  
a flurry of life throughout the dead—nice antithesis and good break on dead 
cold of winter, before the last ice
finally melts onto the asphalt. –much cleaner  

Before green pokes through gray—I like this construction because gray seems to stand for the season when you break like this. I realize it’s a preference of mine. 
cement, beaks pluck loose burlap and twine,--I read, I think it was milo’s comment, on isn’t cement gray, and considered your question on is cracks necessary. I think this break fixes for me at least the redundancy of gray cement only because it shifts what gray is for the reader. I don’t think cracks is needed because I think pokes accomplishes that idea for you. 
the warp and weft woven into arborvitaes
across from second story windows.

We warm and feather our homes too, 
scavenge stores and farm-field antique markets—I gave some ideas in the above answers to questions.
for Egyptian cotton bed sheets, down-filled couches, --down-filled works better for me.
vintage mirrors.

Now that the tree blossoms block the alley—Now that I’ve read this. I’m in a bit of a quandary. I like flowering crabapple better in the abstract, but I like the clean reading of this line better than how you laid it out the original. I see a few words you can cut. Maybe “Now crabapple blossoms block the alley”
view, we open windows, peek out and notice—On your build to concert I’m not sure I like peek out. This is purely subjective. My opinion here is only that. I simply want more of a rise in tempo. 
the tulips breaking ground, smell the spring air—There should probably be an emotional sense built into these two events. It would have to be very tightly constructed. How can you infuse the tulips and the spring air either together or separately into something with more emotional punch? Smell is usually tied to memory. Is there some outcome that the smell could evoke? Possibly even extend the concert imagery here.
and join in concert with the birds chirping.—I keep wanting a little more hear, to illustrate (and this may not be a good choice I’m not sure): and join in concert with the birds chirping in joyful arias. Just thinking out loud here. You may not need to change this line at all though if you can infuse the penultimate line with something more.


I think this is improved.

Best,

Todd 

[Leah S.]

Sorry for crits of crits, but.......I'll try to be original also.
Nests

Outside the back window, across the alley What back window, where?
the food coop’s blue recycle barrels If we don't put a dash in 'cooperative' we shouldn't put it in the contraction either. Besides, I like the ambiguity with coop, especially in view of the ending.
loaded with knocked-down materials
are a regular Home Depot
for the local birds.

Flying and swooping above the rot I agree about flying and swooping, but for different reason. Flying and swooping ARE different, but as words, they aren't very alliterative.
and decay, they were a flurry of life
throughout the dead cold of winter
before the last of dropped freezer truck ice I have no problem with "dropped freezer truck ice" but ice is ice, and it's winter. You don't really need to tell us where the ice came from.
had finally melted into the asphalt.

Before green began poking through the gray cement
cracks, their beaks plucked loose The lonesome "they" doesn't cause that much of a problem here, but it does in the next stanza.
burlap and twine from the piles,
the warp and weft woven into arborvitaes I think I might just say evergreen trees
across from second story windows.

To warm and feather our homes, Now the aforementioned "they" makes me think at first that it's the birds that are warming and feathering our homes, instead of "we humans."
we humans scavenge too,
from West Elm to farm field flea markets I don't know where West Elm is. Unless you're writing exclusively for the local library Literary Club, I would either leave it out, or make it clear by other means where you are.
for the smoothest bed sheets, the comfiest couch, I disagree about the crit of "the, the, and a". If it was the "vintagest mirror" it would be valid. On the other hand, if you want to make it consistent, you'll have to go with 'smooth' and 'comfy'.
a vintage mirror.

Now that the Flowering Crabapple blossoms
block the alley view, we open windows and peek out Who's "we"? If it isn't germane to the poem, leave it out, just use "I".
from our cozy creations, smell the spring air I really dislike "cozy creations" for some reason. Why not use the word "nest" in the body of the poem, finally?
and join the birds chirping What do chirping people sound like? I cringe.
in concert with the tulips breaking ground. What noise do tulips breaking ground make? A crackle? A slurp?

---

Apologies, my crit crossed with your revision......Carry on.
Leah

[Todd]

Some lovely changes here Anne. 

NESTS  (revision 1)

When your home backs up to an alley
and the flowering trees are bare, --very nice
you can’t help but notice dumpsters
are a regular hardware store for resident birds.--All of this is a much smoother opening. I think L2 especially adds a sense of completion to the last stanza, the end in the beginning feeling you get when writing satisfies.

Above the rot, their bodies rise and swoop,  
a flurry of life throughout the dead
cold of winter, before the last ice
finally melts onto the asphalt.  

Before green pokes through gray
cracks, beaks pluck loose burlap and twine,--When I read this out loud there's a bit of a stall between cracks and beaks that feels like it needs an "and" or some transitional word to smooth out the reading. When I read it in my head, I don't catch that stall. 
the warp and weft woven into evergreens--A good substitution
across from second story windows.

We warm and feather our nests too,
scavenge stores and farm-field antique markets
for Pima cotton bed sheets, down-filled couches, --like the substitutions here as well.
vintage mirrors.

Now that crabapple blossoms screen the alley--screen is a great word
view, we open windows and watch
tulips breaking ground to breathe in the spring air,--Good combining of the elements
and sing in concert with the birds' joyful arias.--Truly satisfying ending

*

I really like where you've gone with this. Outside of the one area I pointed out, I don't have any large issues with what you've done.

Best,

Todd

[Tiger the Lion]

Wonderful job on the edit Anne. I think the original crits you received were spot on. But better than that, you addressed them with energy and focus. It can be all too easy for the entire web to collapse once you start making changes.

Lines 1,2,4,5,8,11,13,15,17 and 20 are all improved IMO. To me that's a comprehensive first edit to a poem that was already strong.

A couple little things:
--Strophe 3 is a little awkward. It trips me a little as I need to go back and confirm it's a complete sentence. (I think Todd offered some advice on it)
--Still unsure abut the line break at "gray/cracks"
--I think you could chop "antique" in S4. - small personal nit.  - I think "antique" is just slightly off your intent with its connotation. -

Well done,
Paul

[ellajam]

Hi, Anne, beautiful job on the edit, much clearer than before, it sort of hangs in the air as it should now. I just have one note for you to consider, the choice of "birds' joyful arias". Neither the sonics or meaning of "arias" seem quite right to me, more than one bird singing solos? I think you might want to search for a more perfect word as you have done in the rest of your edit. Thanks for the read.

NESTS  (revision 1)

When your home backs up to an alley
and the flowering trees are bare,
you can’t help but notice dumpsters
are a regular hardware store for resident birds.

Above the rot, their bodies rise and swoop,  
a flurry of life throughout the dead
cold of winter, before the last ice
finally melts onto the asphalt.  

Before green pokes through gray
cracks, beaks pluck loose burlap and twine,
the warp and weft woven into evergreens
across from second story windows.

We warm and feather our nests too,
scavenge stores and farm-field antique markets
for Pima cotton bed sheets, down-filled couches,
vintage mirrors.

Now that crabapple blossoms screen the alley
view, we open windows, emerge
like tulips breaking ground into the spring air,
and sing in concert with the birds' joyful arias.

*

Nests

Outside the back window, across the alley
the food coop’s blue recycle barrels
loaded with knocked-down materials
are a regular Home Depot
for the local birds.

Flying and swooping above the rot
and decay, they were a flurry of life
throughout the dead cold of winter
before the last of dropped freezer truck ice
had finally melted into the asphalt.

Before green began poking through the gray cement
cracks, their beaks plucked loose
burlap and twine from the piles,
the warp and weft woven into arborvitaes
across from second story windows.

To warm and feather our homes,
we humans scavenge too,
from West Elm to farm field flea markets
for the smoothest bed sheets, the comfiest couch,
a vintage mirror.

Now that the Flowering Crabapple blossoms
block the alley view, we open windows and peek out
from our cozy creations, smell the spring air
and join the birds chirping
in concert with the tulips breaking ground.

[Todd]

Thanks for your help, Todd.  Won't an "and" in stanza three, throw off the sentence?  I'm using pluck as the verb for beaks- it's confusing.  Could I simply remove cracks and add a comma after gray?  Does "gray" alone refer back to the asphalt well enough, mentioned in stanza 2?

I keep fiddling with the ending and wonder if more attention should be given to the concept of the building of homes / nests with something slight in the end to tie together stanza 4 and 5 such as (and to tie together old view, winter / new view, spring):

"Now that crabapple blossoms screen the alley,
we open windows, emerge from what we’ve built  
to take in the floral view, breath in the fresh air
and sing in concert with the birds' joyful arias."

Does that help or hinder?  I don't really like floral view but I'm trying to contrast the rather dismal winter view with the flowering trees and the being inside nests and emerging with springtime. I can't get it to work. Maybe I'm over complicating matters.

Anne

I like gray for its versatility. It can be the gray of winter or the gray of the road surface.


For the last strophe, I like how you have it now. I think it's a more clean image. I wouldn't change it to the new suggestion (which seems more cluttered to me).

Maybe a the instead of an and then with the cracks, beaks.

I think you need to trust that your reader will make the connection with the season shift. I think they will.

Best,

Todd

[bena]

I'm enjoying what you've done with the revision. I stopped by earlier to read, and you had so many good crits to think about I didn't want to cloud your revision with another opinion. But I did want you to know I'm watching how this proceeds. I like where it is going.

Cheers,
mel.

[tectak]

NESTS  (revision 1)

When your home backs up to an alley On to, not up to...otherwise it sounds as if your alley is in reverse gear.It still does.
and the flowering trees are bare,
you can’t help but notice dumpsters
are a regular hardware store for resident birds. I have an image. Good, but last line overhangs and jutties its confounded base. It is overstretched by regular and resident

Above the rot, their bodies rise and swoop,   Well, yes and no. Their bodies? "they", surely.To have "bodies" and "dead" in such close proximity pulls the reader up. Further, "above" is unachievable without rising so you may feel that there is excess baggage in the line anyway. Let's see, they are in free air above the rot...Above the rot they swoop and swirl/twist/ dive/flutter...your poem.
a flurry of life throughout the dead Clumsy unforced enjambment. You have no rhyme nor meter to worry you so why split dead and cold? Read it out loud with the enjambment. Is it sensibly undetectable? No. It sound wrong so it is wrong. Rearrange. You know how. Try always to make the last word on an enjambed line predict, to some degree, the next word.
This is an example only...but you might get the idea:

a flurry of life in the dead cold of winter,
before the last tenacious ice
melts on to warming asphalt.

cold of winter, before the last ice
finally melts onto the asphalt.  

Before green pokes through gray Ditto. What rule are you using for this crazy enjambment?
cracks, beaks pluck loose burlap and twine,
the warp and weft woven into evergreens
across from second story windows.

We warm and feather our nests too,
scavenge stores and farm-field antique markets
for Pima cotton bed sheets, down-filled couches,
vintage mirrors.

Now that crabapple blossoms screen the alley
view, we open windows, emerge
like tulips breaking ground into the spring air,
and sing in concert with the birds' joyful arias.
Hi anne,
Much tighter.
Good egg,
tectak
*

Nests

Outside the back window, across the alley
the food coop’s blue recycle barrels
loaded with knocked-down materials
are a regular Home Depot
for the local birds.

Flying and swooping above the rot
and decay, they were a flurry of life
throughout the dead cold of winter
before the last of dropped freezer truck ice
had finally melted into the asphalt.

Before green began poking through the gray cement
cracks, their beaks plucked loose
burlap and twine from the piles,
the warp and weft woven into arborvitaes
across from second story windows.

To warm and feather our homes,
we humans scavenge too,
from West Elm to farm field flea markets
for the smoothest bed sheets, the comfiest couch,
a vintage mirror.

Now that the Flowering Crabapple blossoms
block the alley view, we open windows and peek out
from our cozy creations, smell the spring air
and join the birds chirping
in concert with the tulips breaking ground.

[Todd]

Hi Anne,

We're now entered into the part of revision that is mostly personal style and subjectivity. So, take this in that vein. I read through the other critiques. I see what Ella is saying about arias--seems valid, more of a solo than a chorus whether they allow plural or not. Tom (tectak) gave some good feedback as well. I hear what you're saying traditional subject matter and enjambment. That all said, my style preferences (and that's all they are) point me in a different direction than you're going. I felt there was more of a spark in the earlier version--even if you made some changes. I want to emphasize again that what you've done isn't worse per se, just less to my taste. Let me give you a few minor comments in the lines.

Best,

Todd

Hi all - Thank you for the objective comments. I tried to incorporate them into the revisions. I went back to more traditional linebreaks rather than use serious enjambment since this is fairly traditional subject matter. Also, I felt introducing tulips at the end was going way off topic, thus the switch. And I felt the birds motion had to include diving or swooping to foreshadow plucking pieces from the trash. There could be a comma instead separating s2 and s3 so that they become one connected thought with anaphora putting the point across better---that all this happens before the weather warms up. "Above" could be "over". I also tried to better connect the idea of the poem with the ending. Hope it works better. I'll edit this more if it's still not working properly.

NESTS
When your home backs up onto an alley
and the flowering trees are bare,
you can’t help but notice dumpsters
are a hardware store for the residents birds.--don't think you need the "the"

Above the rot, they flutter and dive,
a flurry of life throughout the dead cold of winter,
before the last persistent ice finally melts
onto the warming asphalt.

Before green pokes through new road cracks,
their beaks pluck loose burlap and twine,
the warp and weft woven into evergreens
across from second story windows.

While we’re cooped up indoors,
we warm and feather our nests too,
scavenge stores and flea markets for linen bed sheets,
down-filled couches, vintage mirrors.

Now that crabapple blossoms screen the alley view,
we open windows, emerge
from our comfort zone and harmonize outdoors--comfort zone is a bit overused, and I think this lacks the build up you need for a sense of epiphany.
with the birds' joyful concert.

Whichever way you go, this is close to pulled together so there isn't much that I see structural wrong. Nothing is ever truly finished, but this feels closer to what it will be.