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In delusion born, we die in sorrow
for milo, a man depraved
I am a man depraved;
it is the pleasure of such sorrow.
A grave man might I be tomorrow
—that is I'll be engraved—.
I look forward and for,
the yesterdays of my tomorrows,
I have no time to let or borrow,
when Death comes knocking at the door.
Erthona
©2015
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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(03-15-2015, 12:09 PM)Erthona Wrote: In delusion born, we die in sorrow
for milo, a man depraved
I am a man depraved;
it is the pleasure of such sorrow. What is this thing called,love? Oh, it is, is it? Petards
A grave man might I be tomorrow
—that is I'll be engraved—.
I look forward and for, I look forward and for, xxxxxxxxx, I have no time to let or borrow. No. Bad boy. 
the yesterdays of my tomorrows, Oh, come on now. You would roast me alive if I wrote this line...in fact I think we did.
I have no time to let or borrow, that only leaves arrow, barrow, sallow and callow. Oh and swallow, tallow, marrow and fallow...in fact, there's also wallow, follow and yellow and bellow. Aw the hell....I really cannot think of anything better than "tomorrow" right off the cuff. Shit...it's been used already.
when Death comes knocking at the door. New one on me
Yes yes...I know...you are having fun. You wouldn't deprive me of the same, would you?
Good fellow,
tectak
Erthona
©2015
Posts: 1,827
Threads: 305
Joined: Dec 2016
Of coarse knot.
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Posts: 5,057
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Joined: Dec 2009
cliched to hell and back but it reads like it's meant to be. [simply because it's for milo the depraved]
while i'm not a cliche fan, i wouldn't change any of them in this poem. other than to say i enjoyed it and it's not a great poem is all i have to offer 
(03-15-2015, 12:09 PM)Erthona Wrote: In delusion born, we die in sorrow
for milo, a man depraved
I am a man depraved;
it is the pleasure of such sorrow.
A grave man might I be tomorrow
—that is I'll be engraved—.
I look forward and for,
the yesterdays of my tomorrows,
I have no time to let or borrow,
when Death comes knocking at the door.
Erthona
©2015
Posts: 1,827
Threads: 305
Joined: Dec 2016
If it were a great poem it would be a failure, so thank you 
I did think the meter thingy was somewhat fun, if not clever. I thought about you and your half foot, club feet are such a damn boor.
Besides, I've quit writing great poems, I found the investment wasn't worth the outcome and no I wasn't thinking it would get me girls. I gave up that idea a long time ago. Hope springs eternal, but my hopes have no springs and the best they can do is hop, or maybe hip-hop. Hope hip-hops 4ever dude. 
Of course the one I worked on more than 2 or 3 minutes, the play, no one seems to have looked at. I guess there are just too many words to read 
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Posts: 2,602
Threads: 303
Joined: Feb 2017
(03-18-2015, 02:53 PM)Erthona Wrote: If it were a great poem it would be a failure, so thank you
I did think the meter thingy was somewhat fun, if not clever. I thought about you and your half foot, club feet are such a damn boor.
Besides, I've quit writing great poems, When was that? I found the investment wasn't worth the outcome and no I wasn't thinking it would get me girls. I gave up that idea a long time ago. Hope springs eternal, but my hopes have no springs and the best they can do is hop, or maybe hip-hop. Hope hip-hops 4ever dude.
Of course the one I worked on more than 2 or 3 minutes, the play, no one seems to have looked at. I guess there are just too many words to read
dale
Posts: 1,827
Threads: 305
Joined: Dec 2016
Tom wrote "When was that?"
Don't you remember? It was right after you had come to the conclusion you would never write a great poem and so I stopped in order to support you and to not upset your feelings by writing great poems. Hmmm, I guess you forgot.
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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