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If the Colonization of the New World were to Happen Today
Dedicated to mel and Nathanael Greene
The King said, “I’m sorry I cannot allow you to go to the New world.”
“Why not Your Majesty,” asked the would be settlers?
“Why it is much to risky. You will need to wait until the government
has time to build an infrastructure which unfortunately make take
some time as I have no money to dedicate to that project.”
“But we were counting on the indigenous people to help us out.”
“Oh posh, my good and courageous friends. Why in the world
would these people have reason to help you out to take away
their land and even more, what right do you have to take it?
No you will have to wait until the government can reach a
settlement for a portion of their land on which you can live.”
“But we were planning on living with them, not taking their land.”
“No my divisive little friends, you are unable to live with
your “own kind” why should I believe that you could live
in peace with these native people without eventually
resorting to using our superior weaponry to wipe them
out and take their land.”
“But we would not do that!”
“How can I know that for sure? No, I cannot take the risk,
I mean what “if” something should happen, the rest of the
world would think we were barbaric imperialist,
and they would be correct. No, I’m sorry I simply can’t risk it!”
“But…”
“Request denied. Should you wish to file an appeal please fill out
forms BO1812, AR1976, ABE1865, and IRS1040 long form.
All forms must be in triplicate and all appeals points must be
submitted in the correct LSA format with at least three
verifiable and worthy references for each point made.
You will have exactly one week to file your appeal.
You will receive notice if all aspects of your appeal
are in the correct format according to pages 1816w-1927d
of the appeals law subsection B2. If everything is deemed correct,
you will be set to appear before the King within five(5) years
depending on availability. Should your appeal fail,
half of your crops will be taken in the form of taxes
to recompensate the government for wasting the King’s time.”
“But you are already taking half of our crops, that would leave us with nothing.”
“And so you should consider your appeal carefully. That is all.
You may prostrate yourself before me and leave.
Please remember to walk backwards as it is a lifetime
prison sentence to show your backside to the king
(Why did I ever allow it not to be a hanging offense?).
Dismissed, and remember your government has your welfare in mind.”
- - -
Thus: the revolutionary war was over without a shot being fired. One can only marvel at the efficiency of government.
–Erthona
©2015
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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Dale, enjoyable read as is. A poem with a theme you would do well to EDIT, exploit and develop further IMO.
I am enjoying your 'short story' type poems recently.
Very dry entertainment.
I need a drink.
Good read, thx,
Paul
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Paul,
I'm sure it does need editing as when I was posting it, even having gone over it quite a view times before, I found around ten more errors. However I have to disagree with developing it further, it was simply a little throw-off humor/satire (although without any subtly). It's fun to write but it has little substance and requires virtually no talent or skill, plus I hate writing dialogue. However I appreciate your comments, although I would contend that this is less a poem and more prose, even if I did truncate the lines like poetry. It's why I posted it in missile-anus. 
Thanks again,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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(01-25-2015, 09:02 AM)Erthona Wrote:
If the Colonization of the New World were to Happen Today
Dedicated to mel and Nathanael Greene
The King said, “I’m sorry I cannot allow you to go to the New world.”
“Why not Your Majesty,” asked the would be settlers?
“Why it is much to risky. You will need to wait until the government -- too
has time to build an infrastructure which unfortunately make take
some time as I have no money to dedicate to that project.”
“But we were counting on the indigenous people to help us out.”
“Oh posh, my good and courageous friends. Why in the world
would these people have reason to help you out to take away
their land and even more, what right do you have to take it?
No you will have to wait until the government can reach a
settlement for a portion of their land on which you can live.”
“But we were planning on living with them, not taking their land.”
“No my divisive little friends, you are unable to live with
your “own kind” why should I believe that you could live
in peace with these native people without eventually
resorting to using our superior weaponry to wipe them
out and take their land.”
“But we would not do that!”
“How can I know that for sure? No, I cannot take the risk,
I mean what “if” something should happen, the rest of the -- Good "if" considering the whole Kipling affair.
world would think we were barbaric imperialist,
and they would be correct. No, I’m sorry I simply can’t risk it!”
“But…”
“Request denied. Should you wish to file an appeal please fill out
forms BO1817, AR1976, ABE1865, and IRS1040 long form.
All forms must be in triplicate and all appeals points must be
submitted in the correct LSA format with at least three
verifiable and worthy references for each point made.
You will have exactly one week to file your appeal.
You will receive notice if all aspects of your appeal
are in the correct format according to pages 1816w-1927d
of the appeals law subsection B2. If everything is deemed correct,
you will be set to appear before the King within five(5) years
depending on availability. Should your appeal fail,
half of your crops will be taken in the form of taxes
to recompensate the government for wasting the King’s time.”
“But you are already taking half of our crops, that would leave us with nothing.”
“And so you should consider your appeal carefully. That is all.
You may prostrate yourself before me and leave.
Please remember to walk backwards as it is a lifetime
prison sentence to show your backside to the king
(Why did I ever allow it not to be a hanging offense?).
Dismissed, and remember your government has your welfare in mind.”
- - -
Thus: the revolutionary war was over without a shot being fired. One can only marvel at the efficiency of government.
–Erthona
©2015 Good idea.
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Thanks Brownlie, appreciate the comments.
Dale
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The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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I think that the bureaucracy/red tape stanza is very effective as regards creating confusion. Once I realised that IRS1040 was an actual form I started to look at the others and because ABE1865 has got to be Abraham Lincoln then I'm sure that the others are clever little references somehow. But I'm at a loss as to what the others are, any chance of the answers if possible.
Some people littered across the internet are convinced that the word 'government' literally means 'control of the mind'. However, trying to convince those same people that 'forbidding' literally means 'not allowed to imitate a bell' is a fruitless task.
Thanks for the read,
Mark
 wae aye man ye radgie
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This was my fault. I'm sorry guys. It may be too inside a thing for others to get, but I do love it.
Thanks, my sweets,
mel
PS, did you ever find Franklin? I think we should form a search party.
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Mark, thanks for mentioning that.I realized that there was a typo on one of the forms, actually 2." BO1817" should be "BO1812", and "AR1976" should be "AR1776". Here is the meanings. "American Revolution 1776," "Battle of 1814", and as you guessed "ABE1865" refers to the year of his death. That makes 12 errors in that section since I posted it. I have no idea why they should be so heavy in that one section, except sometimes when my mind, being dyslectic, has to deal with numbers, it just freaks out. If I hadn't been so tired when I wrote this I probably would have doubled the forms.
dale
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Mel,
Oh no, I knew basically where it was, just not when it was. I did find new information I did not know. Which was: Franklin was originally a part of North Carolina who ceded it to Congress ( if the opposite of "pro" is "con", then is the opposite of "Congress" "Progress?") in an attempt to pay off war debts. The area which is very small is about the same area as Delaware. Although called the State of Franklin it was never an actual state. Your town mel was its final capitol, and I hear that my boy Davey Crockett is still ghosting around that area. After North Carolina's offer was not accepted by congress, it tried to repossess (kind of like Davy) the great non-State of Franklin. The people of Franklin did not think well of such an attempt and collectively told the government of North Carolina to kiss their ass. The people in Frankland (a secondary spelling which they changed to "Franklin" when trying to get Ben Franklin to help them out), actually did succeed from North Carolina.
"Carolina's governance led to the frontiersmen's calls to establish a separate, secure, and independent state. On August 23, 1784..."
It was all to no avail as the US Congress rejected any petition (kind of like the King above) asking that Franklin be made the 14 State of the Union. Frankland never got the two thirds votes necessary to become a State (unlike the Patriots they dd not have enough money to bribe their opposition). By 1789 North Carolina was back in control of the "territory," as the people of Franklin became so depressed and drunk, they no longer cared to try and govern themselves, choosing to "lie about the shack 'til the old mail train comes back, restin' in their sweet babies arms." However since the people of the former Franklin non-State were such a backwoods nuisance and played all kinds of terrible jokes* on the populace of North Carolina that North Carolina wanted nothing to do with them and so once again they ceded the area to the federal government (they were so anxious to get Franklin off their hands that this time they just gave it away for free). Franklin became the "Southwest Territory," which was the precursor to the State of Tennis-sea (or the "sea of tennis" if you prefer)." When I last talked to Davy, he said he approved whole heartedly, only saying that he was no fan of tennis as it gave him a crick in his neck.
And that's...the Rest of the Story
*For illustration, one of the most frequent pranks the good people of Franklin played on their neighbors of North Carolina was to put human excrement in a bag, and soak it with kerosene (which at that time was running around 2 dollars a gallon, which is kind of pricy if you only make 2$ in a month. Still it just showed the eagerness to have a little fun with their beloved neighbors). They would place the bag on the porch of their intended victim neighbor, set it afire, knock on the door and run. The master of the house would come to the door, see the fire and without thinking begin stomping in on it in order to put the fire out. After putting the fire out he would realize what had just happened and say something like "shit?!"
dale the hysterical Historian
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Tell me something I don't know about my neighbors! *gets drunk and plots against them*
Hello all I am a newbie on your forum, first let me say as I was reading the different poems I have enjoyed many. I must say this poem struck me as very well written and conveys the feeling of our run away system to the letter. Thank you for such an insightful narrative . I look forward to reading more of your work.
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More a short story than a poem, but a funny one, (I particular laughed at the five year wait time before appeals are deemed correct), and a neat satire of bureaucracy. The idea of comparing modern bureaucratic nonsense to a historical event is kind of inspired. The last line isn't needed though; it's too heavy-handed. But then I suppose George Orwell got away with incredibly heavy-handed satire... Thank you for the read.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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Not everybody is as sharp as you Jack.
Thanks Wulf190
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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(02-25-2015, 03:55 PM)Erthona Wrote: ... All forms must be in triplicate ... Sumerian Form BCE3270 in triplicate:
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
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Ah yes, that's Hammurabi's Law Code, or is it the Code of Ur-Nammu? I always get them mixed up. Wait I know, it's the Heinrich wordbiscuit code!
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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(02-26-2015, 07:14 AM)Erthona Wrote: Ah yes, that's Hammurabi's Law Code, or is it the Code of Ur-Nammu? I always get them mixed up. Wait I know, it's the Heinrich wordbiscuit code!
dale "Clay tablet as a biscuit of words", he said perplexedlyish, "what metaphor of information,
of fundamental limits, of bodily compression, of transgenic inception, of statistical inference,
of unnatural language, of cryptographic neurobiology, of evolution itself is as concise?"
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
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Is any language concise?
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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(02-26-2015, 02:10 PM)Erthona Wrote: Is any language concise?
dale No, but the language of lies comes the closest.
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Do you mean Lyes, a sub Indo-European language group similar to Proto-Dravidian only older by several millennia? Or lies, but only if the lies are ultimately true. (That is to say partially true, but more than relatively true. One can't always run to one's aunt for wisdom. In fact most people try and run from wisdom, which is the only sane course, of course.) Still I am surprised you would burden me with such a internally divisive and incongruous syllogism. Although I do not know why, as it is always an aspect of your modus operandi.
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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(02-27-2015, 11:08 AM)Erthona Wrote: ... Still, I am surprised you would burden me... I'm sorry, I offer my apologies; but, as others would be quick to say,
your capabilities make this difficult.
(02-27-2015, 11:08 AM)Erthona Wrote: ... with such a internally divisive and incongruous syllogism. see above
(02-27-2015, 11:08 AM)Erthona Wrote: Although I do not know why, see above
But, for argument's sake, assume a syllogism crept up behind you
and bit off your naughty bits. The pain would be excruciating, and yet,
your comprehension of deductive reasoning would remain the same,
unwavering, as absolute an absolute as zero.
Conciseness, as I'm sure you'd agree, weakens the belly.
As sincere as always,
your ever obedient Übermensch,
ray
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OK Clark!
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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![[Image: sumerian_form.jpg]](http://wordbiscuit.com/im7/sumerian_form.jpg)