Spinning Tires (edit #2)

[ChristopherSea]

Edit #2 is up, A LITtle too much ALLITeration in S2L2?

No, I like it. You got some nice traction going on!

[justcloudy]

LOVE edit two. Not buried under superfluous birds anymore. ;p Plus everything is clearly stated and wittily ironic. Well done!

-justcloudy

[kindofahippy]

The shorter lines and increased enjambment make this edit read faster,giving it a sing-song feel.

[ellajam]

Thanks Chris, cloudy and hippy for reading and for your comments, and for playing with this with me.

[milo]

Edit #2 (milo, Chris, hippy)

The snow is rising inch by inch,
it's sure to catch me in a clinch --
accumulating high and fast,
sent courtesy of Arctic blast.

Anticipating winter's pinch
my bumper wears a well-worn winch;
recalling chills of blizzards past,
the snow is rising.

Although at dawn it was a cinch
to get to work, I'd like to lynch
my boss whose gall is unsurpassed,
who has us stuck in drifts amassed
above our knees, yet he won't flinch.
The snow is rising.

I think this is pretty good. Rondeau is a tough form to pull off and this is an ejoyable read. If I had a complaint left it would be the ostentatiously nissing article but there's no sense even bothering to fix it . . .

[ellajam]

Edit #2 (milo, Chris, hippy)

The snow is rising inch by inch,
it's sure to catch me in a clinch --
accumulating high and fast,
sent courtesy of Arctic blast.

Anticipating winter's pinch
my bumper wears a well-worn winch;
recalling chills of blizzards past,
the snow is rising.

Although at dawn it was a cinch
to get to work, I'd like to lynch
my boss whose gall is unsurpassed,
who has us stuck in drifts amassed
above our knees, yet he won't flinch.
The snow is rising.

I think this is pretty good. Rondeau is a tough form to pull off and this is an ejoyable read. If I had a complaint left it would be the ostentatiously nissing article but there's no sense even bothering to fix it . . .

L4? I bet I can fix it.

[Pyrra]

Dear Ellajam,

this poem I liked very much, as for the first time (I am such a newbie to poetry!) I understood, how it is powerful NOT to rhyme.
I like the way this plays with anticipation.

Maybe I will try this next time I have to write a poem.
Thank you. :-)

[ellajam]

Dear Ellajam,

this poem I liked very much, as for the first time (I am such a newbie to poetry!) I understood, how it is powerful NOT to rhyme.
I like the way this plays with anticipation.

Maybe I will try this next time I have to write a poem.
Thank you. :-)

Thanks, Pyrra. Take a look at the Poetry Practice forum, it is full of forms with various rhyme schemes and refrains to try out. This is a Rondeau, practice thread here:
http://www.pigpenpoetry.com/thread-3552.html