She was a Great Lady

[mongolfiere]

She was a great lady,
changed my life.
Solemn strangers loom over me,
touching my shoulders.
Fake smiles,
faint I'm sorry whispers.
She lay in the box stiff cold.
Who is this woman?
Not my grandma, no, not my Grammy.
Sniffles.
They're going to close the door now.
Say goodbye, Laney, say goodbye.
I try to hold my breath,
push tears back.
Not today. No rain today.
A rumble from my throat shakes my frame
and the furious waters break my levees.
We drive too far.
A long line of cars.
She was a great woman,
changed my life.
We walk through the trees.
The strangers envelop me.
Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.
Take a flower.
Say goodbye, Laney, say goodbye.
And we're gone.

[billy]

tell the poet how or/and why you feel as you do. what is the poet trying to say. what is it exactly that you see. how does it affect you. this feedback doesn't dig, it doesn't even scratch the surface. the poet deserves more. /mod

I like it. I see exactly what you're trying to say, although maybe another person may see it differently, but I dig deeper than another person. It is good...

[billy]

you may see this said on different poems, [ the first line is usually the most important and the 2nd line is usually the hook that keeps the reader in the poem] your 1st line feels week, it doesn't hold the reader. make it stronger by using an image.;

she was a carousel of good

the 2nd line is also week and (cliched)  make it an image as well.

the candy-floss in my life

the above are just suggestions. you can also tighten the poem up by removing anything that isn't needed. not sure the end third added anything to the poem. try and make everything add something.

oh, welcome to the site

She was a great lady,
changed my life.
Solemn strangers loom over me, no need really for [over me]
touching my shoulders.
Fake smiles, cliche.
faint I'm sorry whispers. faint and whispers imply the same thing try and create an image in the two lines.
She lay in the box stiff cold.
Who is this woman?
Not my grandma, no, not my Grammy.
Sniffles.
They're going to close the door now.
Say goodbye, Laney, say goodbye.
I try to hold my breath,
push tears back.
Not today. No rain today. this is an image, it's what you need to aim for in more of the poem.
A rumble from my throat shakes my frame
and the furious waters break my levees. as is this, a suggestion would be [the levee] instead of [my levees] [we know it's about you.]
We drive too far.
A long line of cars.
She was a great woman,
changed my life.
We walk through the trees.
The strangers envelop me.
Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.
Take a flower.  
Say goodbye, Laney, say goodbye.
And we're gone.

[indarican]

She was a great lady,
changed my life.
Solemn strangers loom over me,
touching my shoulders.
Fake smiles,
faint I'm sorry whispers.
She lay in the box stiff cold.
Who is this woman?
Not my grandma, no, not my Grammy.
Sniffles.
They're going to close the door now.
Say goodbye, Laney, say goodbye.
I try to hold my breath,
push tears back.
Not today. No rain today. (Not today sounds a little repetitive)
A rumble from my throat shakes my frame
and the furious waters break my levees.
We drive too far.
A long line of cars. (I feel like these two lines can be omitted, keep the reader focused on the grandmother)
She was a great woman,
changed my life.
We walk through the trees.
The strangers envelop me.
Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.
Take a flower.  
Say goodbye, Laney, say goodbye.
And we're gone.

I really enjoyed this piece! I was able to feel the pain and sorrow that the speaker was going through to some extent.

"She lay in the box stiff cold.
Who is this woman?
Not my grandma, no, not my Grammy." These lines really touched me, felt like the speaker is in disbelief and really cant believe that thier grandmother is really gone. Maybe the grandmother was a really lively person and to see her just laying there cold is not how the speaker has ever seen their grandmother.

"Fake smiles,
faint I'm sorry whispers." To me this feels like the speaker is not very happy about having all the people around, like the people around are not genuine.

good job!