Barabbas By William Marsland.

[billy]

More skin shows than fur
too much to call it patchy.
His one good eye leers out at all
who have temerity to lay
a hand upon his crusty head.
He’d much prefer to lick a hairless ball.
One neighbor said in abject consternation
as he placed his toy upon the stoop
“the vet should put him down”
All Barabbas did was poop
cock a leg and pissed upon
the gay guys leather brogues.

[Touchstone]

That's great. Nothing I could criticise in that one.

[billy]

thanks for the kind words.

[addy]

Great piece, and I love Barabbas

More skin shows than fur
too much to call it patchy.
His one good eye leers out at all
who have temerity to lay
a hand upon his crusty head. LOL at this line
He’d much prefer to lick a hairless ball.
One neighbor said in abject [/align]consternation
as he placed his toy upon the stoop
“the vet should put him down”
All Barabbas did was poop
cock a leg and pissed "piss" upon
the gay guys leather brogues.

[Bianca Alabaster]

oh goodness, I was prepared for a stirring poem about the man they released instead of Jesus. holy moly. laughing here to kingdom come.....

[billy]

thanks for getting a laugh out of it.

[heslopian]

I don't know enough about Barabbas to fully enjoy this poem (I spent most of Sunday school as a kid doodling knobs on the New Testament) but I can still draw pleasure from it. However, I think there should be a "the" before "temerity," and an apostrophe between the "y" and the "s" in "gays." Addy's already mentioned the "pissed" thing, so I won't re-iterate that. Also, I think you should use more commas here and there, specifically after "poop" and "leg," as it would help the rhythm and also give the ending more punch. Said rhythm isn't quite as strong as it is in your other poems; the middle is fine, but the beginning, and to a lesser degree the end, are clunky. I think I would have written the first half like this:

"More skin shows than fur,
too much to call it patchy.
His one good eye leers out at all;
their temerity in laying hands
upon his crusty head apalls."

Aside from these quibblings, though, I found this to be a witty and transgressive piece. Thanks for the read.

[billy]

thanks for the feedback jack

i'll see what i can do about the grammar. gay's def needs an apostrophe.
and i'll think about the rewrite you did to see if i can get something from it.

[heslopian]

Oops I meant "guys" sorry.

[billy]

shit me too.