Killer Riff In A Flat

[Magpie]

Edit 1
neighbours
crushed -
by heavy bassline

Original
neighbours -
crushed
by the big fat heavy bassline

[Tiger the Lion]

neighbours -
crushed
by the big fat heavy bassline

Nice one. Poor neighbours! Sounds fatter to me without "the" in L3.

Gibson wails
worried neighbour
calls 911

Paul

[Magpie]

neighbours -
crushed
by the big fat heavy bassline

Nice one. Poor neighbours! Sounds fatter to me without "the" in L3.

Gibson wails
worried neighbour
calls 911

Paul

Paul,
thanks for reading, I agree with your suggestion of dropping "the"...
I'm also liking your 'ku and if you were to give it a title I would suggest "Cry Baby" as a reference to the Dunlop 'Cry Baby' Wah pedal that Hendrix made famous by utilising so brilliantly in the 60's.

Thanks for reading,

Mark

[ellajam]

volumn up
house below
for sale again

Love your title, been enjoying the ku. I also like your title for Paul's, or wah wah.

Have a great new year.

[srijantje]

WAWA UP

[bena]

Love it! My neighbors think there human sacrifices at my house. (probably know this if you listened to my son's version of my poem)--so killer is absolutely right!

Personally I don't think you need "the big fat" ---heavy is the only adjective needed, and it has that wonderful double entendre going for it.


My bass
is heavier
than it looks.

[Magpie]

volumn up
house below
for sale again

Love your title, been enjoying the ku. I also like your title for Paul's, or wah wah.

Have a great new year.

Thank you, I'm so pleased that you mentioned the title because I was wondering if anyone noticed, I only came up with the title just as I was posting as well. Thanks...
And also for Paul's ku, I'll go with your title of 'Wah Wah'... It's all the better for its onomatopoeic (No I didn't copy+paste... Yeah, ok I did) qualities.

---

WAWA UP

---

Love it!  My neighbors think there human sacrifices at my house. (probably know this if you listened to my son's version of my poem)--so killer is absolutely right!

Personally I don't think you need "the big fat" ---heavy is the only adjective needed, and it has that wonderful double entendre going for it.


My bass
is heavier
than it looks.

Thank you for the comments... It sounds like your neighbours love you just as much as mine love me, my neighbours have even phoned the police to tell them how much they love me. And to show my appreciation I play them songs even louder.
Also, I agree with you about dropping "the big fat", (I thought I was DJ'ing in a club when I wrote that part). Thank you for revealing an extra part to the poem with the double entendre that was hidden inside "the big fat"

Much appreciated.

Mark

[Erthona]

mark,
regardless of form it is a good and visual idea

dale

[Leah S.]

I agree with the surgery on "big fat heavy."
Not sure I like "crushed," maybe get out thesaurus? Sound doesn't 'crush' in my opinion. I'm thinking of that awful vibration in my solar plexus from really loud sound.