Braced

[Tiger the Lion]

Braced

 
Mmm,
the moment I met you
dream begat dream begat dream
and I knew
it wouldn't be easy.

I braced myself for this.

[just mercedes]

I don't like the first line, or the ellipses. But the rest is a fine poem.

[Tiger the Lion]

I don't like the first line, or the ellipses. But the rest is a fine poem.

Thanks Merc. I have ditched the ellipsis. It was always in doubt. Still not sure about the first line.
Paul 

[ellajam]

Braced

 
Mmm,
the moment I met you
dream begat dream begat dream
and I knew
it wouldn't be easy.

I braced myself for this.

I like mmm because it makes me feel the situation is enjoyable though difficult to the N. I think the last line is already said in the title, I don't think you need it. You could consider a period or semicolon after the last dream and drop the and. Just a thought.

[Erthona]

Hi Paul,

I'm thinking that "dream begat dream" would be enough. "begat" is connotative heavy and definitely has Biblical overtones; maybe you wanted this, although I do not see the advantage. Possibly "birthed" might be an option. "engender" would be an excellent word except it messes up the rhythm.

I agree with Marcella, the last line is superfluous. doing away with it makes for a much cleaner and efficient poem.

Possibly "this" for "it" in L5.

Nearly all of these suggestions are of a personal nature so please feel free to ignore, I just wanted to give you a different look at things.

Dale