ENOUGH

[digna_sofia]

I believe that we are right -
but I am wrong, or so you say.
See, your heartbeat is the universe;
I'm just the blood that fill your veins.
Consider this, you mighty bitch:
without me, what of you?
You'll dry up to your bones
and won't get nourishment from food.

I merely wanted conversation,
and balance out the wits,
but you just had to take that stab
you STUPID SORRY WITCH.
And now you think I'm evil?
You ungrateful little snob.
The only reason we were friends
...well you must have plum forgot.

You're a sad and weepy little girl
who I thought would need my help.
So I embraced your every fault,
'til you learned to love yourself.
Ah, it seems you hadn't really learned
and now I'M supposed to pay?
As soon as you see that I don't agree
you'd prefer I go away?

This fight won't be through
I'm too sick of you
And the kingdom in your head
I tell you from MY beating heart:
this freaking friendship's dead.

:/

-----
Poem inspired by recent drama in my circle of friends.

[addy]

Ow. That's really strong stuff.

I like that it's also very different from your usual stuff... it's not unpolished, not at all, but it's very blunt. Your poems usually cut like a blade, but this packs a good old fashioned wallop. Loved the lines about heartbeat.

Sorry I can't be more constructive, but I think your structure is already pretty spot-on on this one. Hope venting helped get that out of your system.

[billy]

I believe that we are right -
but I am wrong, or so you say.
See, your heartbeat is the universe;
I'm just the blood that fill your veins.
Consider this, you mighty bitch:
without me, what of you?
You'll dry up to your bones
and won't get nourishment from food.

I merely wanted conversation,
and balance out the wits,
but you just had to take that stab
you STUPID SORRY WITCH.
And now you think I'm evil?
You ungrateful little snob.
The only reason we were friends
...well you must have plum forgot.

You're a sad and weepy little girl
who I thought would need my help.
So I embraced your every fault,
'til you learned to love yourself.
Ah, it seems you hadn't really learned
and now I'M supposed to pay?
As soon as you see that I don't agree
you'd prefer I go away?

This fight won't be through
I'm too sick of you
And the kingdom in your head
I tell you from MY beating heart:
this freaking friendship's dead.

:/

-----
Poem inspired by recent drama in my circle of friends.

sounds a little poe-esque in structure and rhythm.
i'ts hard to critique a good old rant poem. except to say they're often tell and not show.
that said you use more than an odd poetic device in it including metaphor, alliteration, rhyme, and simile to name the obvious ones. (though i think metaphor only just made it )

it has good flow (the meter feels spot on) and feels right as i read it. even if (for me the end line feels a little too blasé)

it's good to see a metered poem that doesn't have archaic words in them (when i read modern poetry) this is one of those.

because of the nature of poem i can't really find fault with it unless i was being picky. that said i feel the poem would improve with more original images than these two;

See, your heartbeat is the universe;
I'm just the blood that fill your veins.

also in places it feels a little run of the mill rant, it could have been lifted to another level here and there maybe, in chnaging phrasing such as;

'til you learned to love yourself.
Ah, it seems you hadn't really learned

the above two nit's are me being super critical on what is already a good write. i think you're work is of a quality that needs to be picked at if it's going to improve thanks as always for the read digna