Vows

[71degrees]

After a man beats a woman,
he cannot see his own shame
hidden within his closed fist.
When he enters the house,
predetermined, front door
creaking like his own mother’s
faint and past pleading voice,
he listens to their bedsprings’ jangle
and feels compelled to drag
the woman, pulling her before the deep
witness of a mirror where he sees
his father’s face, a pig’s head,
confessing like Thomas what he can’t
believe he's done, not even
after his fingers probe
his own baffling wounds.

[71degrees]

This poem is extremely powerful. The use of imagery is significant and the use of emotion-arousing words such as "pleading" "predetermined" "probing wounds", this all add to the mental picture of the detrimental aspects of physical abuse.
The last lines really highlight how we are blind to our own faults- how he was able to see his fathers, but could not believe it about himself.
Maybe the underlying theme is to take it literally and look at yourself in the mirror, see yourself for what you are. You will either be pleasantly surprised at what you've become, or similarly disappointed. Or also in some cases, seeing yourself as your worst nightmare or what you have promised you would never become. As if it were "predetermined" and marked in your blood.
Very good essay overall.
A lot of different layers to it, could be interpreted in several ways.

Thanks for the comments. Women write about abuse (as should be)…not sure there are many pieces out there from the male perspective. It's meant to stir some debate. Was wondering if the "Doubting Thomas" image is too much (perhaps leaning toward the sacrilegious, even). Not that there can ever be an excuse for such behavior, but sometimes, I think, the cycle of abuse is a two way street. Not "learned" behavior necessarily, but somehow accepted by an exposed young mind and carried forward into adulthood.

[QDeathstar]

After a man beats a woman,
he cannot see his own shame
hidden within his closed fist.
When he enters the house,
predetermined, front door I think that predetermined doesn't really work here, I'm left wondering what he has already decided he will do? Are you saying domestic violence is premeditated? Perhaps you want predestined?
creaking like his own mother’s
faint and past pleading voice,
he listens to their bedsprings’ jangle
and feels compelled to drag
the woman, pulling her before the deep
witness of a mirror where he sees
his father’s face, a pig’s head,
confessing like Thomas what he can’t
believe he's done, not even
after his fingers probe
his own baffling wounds.probe is a strange word choice for me, I guess I know what your looking for but the last two lines are boring to me.

It's difficult to go through this poem line by line, there's nothing that stands out glaringly wrong or a poor word choice. But there's nothing particularly inspiring or interesting here. I find the poem kind of droll.

[71degrees]

After a man beats a woman,
he cannot see his own shame
hidden within his closed fist.
When he enters the house,
predetermined, front door I think that predetermined doesn't really work here, I'm left wondering what he has already decided he will do? Are you saying domestic violence is premeditated? Perhaps you want predestined?
creaking like his own mother’s
faint and past pleading voice,
he listens to their bedsprings’ jangle
and feels compelled to drag
the woman, pulling her before the deep
witness of a mirror where he sees
his father’s face, a pig’s head,
confessing like Thomas what he can’t
believe he's done, not even
after his fingers probe
his own baffling wounds.probe is a strange word choice for me, I guess I know what your looking for but the last two lines are boring to me.

It's difficult to go through this poem line by line, there's nothing that stands out glaringly wrong or a poor word choice. But there's nothing particularly inspiring or interesting here. I find the poem kind of droll.

I responded to this once...not sure where it went. Will leave it again to tell you Thanks for the honesty. Sorry it didn't inspire or interest you. Droll is no fun, that's for sure.

[QDeathstar]

After a man beats a woman,
he cannot see his own shame
hidden within his closed fist.
When he enters the house,
predetermined, front door I think that predetermined doesn't really work here, I'm left wondering what he has already decided he will do? Are you saying domestic violence is premeditated? Perhaps you want predestined?
creaking like his own mother’s
faint and past pleading voice,
he listens to their bedsprings’ jangle
and feels compelled to drag
the woman, pulling her before the deep
witness of a mirror where he sees
his father’s face, a pig’s head,
confessing like Thomas what he can’t
believe he's done, not even
after his fingers probe
his own baffling wounds.probe is a strange word choice for me, I guess I know what your looking for but the last two lines are boring to me.

It's difficult to go through this poem line by line, there's nothing that stands out glaringly wrong or a poor word choice. But there's nothing particularly inspiring or interesting here. I find the poem kind of droll.

I responded to this once...not sure where it went. Will leave it again to tell you Thanks for the honesty. Sorry it didn't inspire or interest you. Droll is no fun, that's for sure.

that's strange, I read the original response as well before aswell. Thank you for your response. Perhaps this poem was jilted for me by the success of Synthesis...

[71degrees]

After a man beats a woman,
he cannot see his own shame
hidden within his closed fist.
When he enters the house,
predetermined, front door
creaking like his own mother’s
faint and past pleading voice,
he listens to their bedsprings’ jangle
and feels compelled to drag
the woman, pulling her before the deep
witness of a mirror where he sees
his father’s face, a pig’s head,
confessing like Thomas what he can’t
believe he's done, not even
after his fingers probe
his own baffling wounds.

The closed fist is the starting point in this dreary, but well written poem. When he proceeded to "drag the woman" and stick her in front of a mirror and he saw his father's face I was at first baffled, thinking he was seeing his father's face where the woman's face was. That made no sense to me, but eventually . . . duh . . . I realized he was seeing his father's face where his was supposed to be. After I got over that problem the rest of the poem was smooth as silk.

Thanks for the show of support here. I'll take "dreary" and "smooth as silk" any day. Appreciate your thoughts.

[jtrom1010]

After a man beats a woman,
he cannot see his own shame
hidden within his closed fist.
When he enters the house,
predetermined, front door
creaking like his own mother’s
faint and past pleading voice,
he listens to their bedsprings’ jangle
and feels compelled to drag
the woman, pulling her before the deep
witness of a mirror where he sees
his father’s face, a pig’s head,
confessing like Thomas what he can’t
believe he's done, not even
after his fingers probe
his own baffling wounds.

I like the feelings and imagery you create throughout the poem; very compelling and it sucks you in.
Your opening line, however, I'm not too fond of. This is likely just a personal preference thing, but when I'm reading poetry I like to work for the meanings and themes, to find them cleverly hidden within strong imagery and word choice. You do this well for the most part but your opening line gives it all away and I feel like that in a sense weakens everything that follows.

[71degrees]

After a man beats a woman,
he cannot see his own shame
hidden within his closed fist.
When he enters the house,
predetermined, front door
creaking like his own mother’s
faint and past pleading voice,
he listens to their bedsprings’ jangle
and feels compelled to drag
the woman, pulling her before the deep
witness of a mirror where he sees
his father’s face, a pig’s head,
confessing like Thomas what he can’t
believe he's done, not even
after his fingers probe
his own baffling wounds.

I like the feelings and imagery you create throughout the poem; very compelling and it sucks you in.
Your opening line, however, I'm not too fond of. This is likely just a personal preference thing, but when I'm reading poetry I like to work for the meanings and themes, to find them cleverly hidden within strong imagery and word choice. You do this well for the most part but your opening line gives it all away and I feel like that in a sense weakens everything that follows.

I agree…not too much "cleverly hidden" in that first line, is there? Thanks for your thoughts.

[RiverNotch]

After a man beats a woman,
he cannot see his own shame
hidden within his closed fist. I would scrap this line completely, if I were you. It doesn't seem to add anything but an image that, well, doesn't seem to add anything, not an idea nor an emotional effect.
When he enters the house,
predetermined, front door
creaking like his own mother’s ....front door? This break in the line doesn't add anything for me. 
faint and past pleading voice, I would rather you shorten the four lines about the man entering the house into a good three or two, as per the jarring I break I noted in the last house. Maybe remove predetermined? It again doesn't seem to add anything to the character of the man. And maybe shorten the description of the mother's voice to just a few words, or just a little simile.
he listens to their bedsprings’ jangle The word "their" is also kind of jarring for me here, since I can't really tell who "they" are here....Well, I can, but it still took me a good moment to find it out.
and feels compelled to drag This would be stronger if the man actually dragged the woman, rather than just felt compelled to do so.
the woman, pulling her before the deep
witness of a mirror where he sees
his father’s face, a pig’s head, This would be clearer if we knew what his father's head was doing, or where exactly his father's head appeared (over his face, over the lady's face, over the whole of the mirror...)
confessing like Thomas what he can’t I don't get the reference to Thomas the doubter here. Thomas doubted that something truly miraculous had happened, and got convinced that it really did happen, if I remember the Bible correctly. He didn't really deny anything that was worth denying, then accepted it otherwise as the truth. That narrative flow, though it somewhat mirrors the poem's own tale, is still too joyful and far off to be the proper reference here, I think.
believe he's done, not even
after his fingers probe
his own baffling wounds.

[Rustymetal]

I am wondering if the predetermined is the mood the man is in or a level of drunkenness that once is reached the outcome is sure? I like this poem you don't often see the story from the other side. I like "the witness of a mirror" (there is really no harsher view) and " not even after his fingers probe his own baffling wounds." It seemed a little unclear around the middle with the life he is living now and the life of his history, his mother/ his wife. Good one.