Blind

[B888IE]

First go here. I found myself writing it like a song with melody, maybe something I should stop doing.
Maybe it should be rhyming more?

I always said I could see, now i'm going blind
chasing that great dream while you just sit there and smile;

no change from summer or winter just endless time
write it all down in a book then tear out the pages
but why bother when you can just burn the book;

then start again planting new seeds of hope
but with no lesson learnt you bury them into the sinners soil;

like a ship lost in a stormy sea
with no hope of touching that delicate ground.
You've forgotten it's feel and you've lost your name
Oh if only you knew what experiment can do.

[cidermaid]

Hi must admit I am struggling to find a cohesive thread through my reading of this one.
The title and the first three lines are solid enough, but then i just got lost with what you might be trying to express / communicate.
I've left a few comments on the individual lines for you to consider.

First go here. I found myself writing it like a song with melody, maybe something I should stop doing.
Maybe it should be rhyming more?

I always said I could see, now i'm going blind   not sure you need the first three words.
chasing that great dream while you just sit there and smile;   great breaks the line too much / makes it too wordy for me and I don't think it is needed.

no change from summer or winter just endless time
write it all down in a book then tear out the pages  This line and the next just confuse me...is this a literal daily dairy or a metaphorical book of days.  Either way from the first three lines the jump was too abstract for me to grasp the intent  / thought line.
but why bother when you can just burn the book;

then start again planting new seeds of hope   seeds of hope is a cliche   (plant some new dream seeds perhaps and change the first dream referance to hope)
but with no lesson learnt you bury them into the sinners soil;   again this is a stretch to understand.  what lesson? I thought we were talking about a dream / hope. So far I started with an image of someone (who has a dream of greater things) not being noticed then I am into burning my book and now I am in some sort of gardening school for delinquents!   (sorry being flippant but this is just to communicate the difficulties I am having.  I am have not realy gained any solid images from the last four lines to build any depth into this picture.


Like a ship lost in a stormy sea  finally I am beging to feel reconnected back to the title and the opening lines.  this makes a better connection (although it is a rather over used image and as such will be called a cliche by most, but I would rather have a clanging cliche and clarity and substance than confusion any day  ) 
with no hope of touching that delicate ground.  the choice of delicate ground did not really sit right for me.  (it almost sounds like you are describing the sea as such and to my imagination the contact of a ship with the land / ground is never a delicate experiance).  perhaps a harbour image might fit better.
You've forgotten it's feel and you've lost your name   Again this line has plenty of potential. (if it was in referance to comming home to the harbour / safe bay / calm cove or similar ship friendly place of rest /comfort )  I really like what I think you are trying to commnicate here .
Oh if only you knew what experiment can do.  no you've lost me again on the referance to experiment.   what experiment with what person or what substance?

There is plenty to work with on this and this is a great starting place.  As a bonus you ave got some punctuation going on and resisted the urge to capitalise the first letter of every line so you are well ahead of the game.   At this stage i would advise not being overly concerned with putting in deliberate rhymes (they are likely to become forced).  Just try to keep to one central image and follow it through your poem in such a way as to amke the whole cohesive.   My crit is not intended to be harsh but I hope it has shown you what a reader might take from these words when they are not from the perspective of the inside of your personal ideas and thoughts.   Of course this is just one readers take,other might have a different view it is always good to take on more than one view if possible.
Hope this helps AJ.

[B888IE]

Thankyou cidermaid! Some great feedback there. I think I want to start again and make one more cohesive like you've suggested. I can see i'm not looking after the reader enough, i'm just going to work on that next with cohesion, and go from there.

[somnium]

I like the piece. Personally it reminds me of Hell and being able to touch a stable part of reality where everything you read or touch is on fire. Jus living in the now with no past or future.. Remember to bring some water to quench those flames!! Cn bring you back to stable ground where the pages once again can be found! Just my thoughts.