Fingernails

[Keith]

He knew what he was supposed to be,
two stroke raced in his blood line.
By the age of ten his dermatitis hands
could rebuild a gearbox and most engines,
he was good at connecting with his father.

At seventeen he was still pretending
in his worn out patched up jeans
and scuffed up road rashed leather,
long hair seemed to match the image,
but he hankered for change and its approval.

A young man's dilemma
can easily King Kong its way
to the top of the Empire State.
In one hand he had the girl
and the other, swatting planes away
for fear of getting caught,
he needed to escape.

A damp tiny flat was perfect for that,
the journey from A to B or biker to mod.
Clothes became his bodies’ passion
nervous of the target on his back.
He burned his brightest into mirrored chrome,
smiling at a true reflection.

Clubs and drugs took away time
passing hands and faces in dark doorways
but the morning paper always unfolded
with a coffee and a shave.
I like to think he found a pillion for his scooter,
who tasted the same without the shame,
a two wheeled screamer that would hug him hard
and hold on tight to his fish tail.

[Erthona]

Keith,

This is a nice idea for a poem.
For me in the first two stanzas it paints the picture of a mechanic and possibly a dirt bike/enduro racer, as that is who uses two stroke engines. However by S4 he is being identified as a biker. That is a little confusing, especially as S3 which was a neat idea failed to carry much information.If you are going to say "biker to mod", you don't really need to say "A to B". "He burned his brightest into mirrored chrome," His brightest what? I really don't have a clue. Nice ending, the use of "pillion" combined with "screamer" and "fishtail" paints a very sensual image.

Dale

[Magpie]

I'm really liking the ideas that you've got in here Keith. 

The fine detail of 'dermatitis hands' and the double meaning of 'connecting' in S1 are a good start for the setup of the whole story ahead. 
Stanza3 is an excellent idea and I really like it, but it does seem somewhat out of place with the rest of the poem in its style. It is almost a short poem in itself and those first 3 lines in it are excellent.
I was also a bit confused with "He burned his brightest into mirrored chrome", and because of the final stanza I thought it may be a drug reference, perhaps mirrors in nightclubs, mirrors with lines of coke???
The last stanza is a fine ending with some good images, I particularly like the line "but the morning paper always unfolded with a coffee and a shave" which tells so much more.

Thanks for the read,

Mark

[Keith]

Keith,

This is a nice idea for a poem.
For me in the first two stanzas it paints the picture of a mechanic and possibly a dirt bike/enduro racer, as that is who uses two stroke engines. However by S4 he is being identified as a biker. That is a little confusing, especially as S3 which was a neat idea failed to carry much information.If you are going to say "biker to mod", you don't really need to say "A to B". "He burned his brightest into mirrored chrome," His brightest what? I really don't have a clue. Nice ending, the use of "pillion" combined with "screamer" and "fishtail" paints a very sensual image.

Dale

Thanks Dale, Motor cross, and many street bikes used to be two stroke, RD 250 etc I was using this to set the era as the stigma was much more prevalent 70's 80's. I will have a look at the other lines you reference. Best Keith

[Keith]

I'm really liking the ideas that you've got in here Keith. 

The fine detail of 'dermatitis hands' and the double meaning of 'connecting' in S1 are a good start for the setup of the whole story ahead. 
Stanza3 is an excellent idea and I really like it, but it does seem somewhat out of place with the rest of the poem in its style. It is almost a short poem in itself and those first 3 lines in it are excellent.
I was also a bit confused with "He burned his brightest into mirrored chrome", and because of the final stanza I thought it may be a drug reference, perhaps mirrors in nightclubs, mirrors with lines of coke???
The last stanza is a fine ending with some good images, I particularly like the line "but the morning paper always unfolded with a coffee and a shave" which tells so much more.

Thanks for the read,

Mark

Thank you Mark, I agree about S3 but I wasn't sure what to do with it, maybe it will end up a poem on its own, good call. The Mirrors as you say in clubs, drugs and its a mod thing were they put loads of rear view mirrors on their scooters, are all relevant but it was his reflection and what he saw being real and true and not the lie he had been living that made him burn his brightest. Thanks again Keith