College

[Wjames]

There’s too much on my plate to eat
but still I’m unfulfilled;
another test and faux-hip clique,
with no time left to chill.

I’d like to smile and nod in class,
I wish I really cared;
or that I boozed and lived for ass
and smoked my joints in pairs.

Instead I’m stuck here in-between
just waiting for a fall,
perhaps one day I’ll choose a scene
or maybe none at all.

[J.M.Byrnes]

There’s too much on my plate to eat This is a cliche image. Not a great way to start off.
but still I’m unfulfilled;
another test and faux-hip clique,
with no time left to chill.

I’d like to smile and nod in class,
I wish I really cared;
or that I boozed and lived for ass
and smoked my joints in pairs.

Instead I’m stuck here in-between
just waiting for a fall,
perhaps one day I’ll choose a scene
or maybe none at all.

I like the concept and the rhymes are working. It seems like the narrator envies both the committed and the people who are like, what the hell? I can relate to that. Like if your going to blow it, why not do it in style? Fun little read.

[71degrees]

There’s too much on my plate to eat
but still I’m unfulfilled;
another test and faux-hip clique,
with no time left to chill.

I’d like to smile and nod in class,
I wish I really cared;
or that I boozed and lived for ass
and smoked my joints in pairs.

Instead I’m stuck here in-between
just waiting for a fall,
perhaps one day I’ll choose a scene
or maybe none at all.

If you did not eat, of course you would be unfulfilled. Not only a cliche' start, but not sure of your logic either?? Semi-colon after "fall" (last stanza)…you have two separate thoughts there. Breezy poem. Typical educational attitude, I would say. Anything new here to get / keep me interested? Show me another student who wouldn't want these things…

[J.C. Fontenot]

School makes every student wish these things, people are constantly yearning for freedom of oppression and what not.
Although it is a great topic, you should switch things up and say positive things about your free time as a student

[Wjames]

Thanks for reading guys, I think I failed to get what I was going for across.

As 71degrees said, "show me another student who wouldn't want these things"; the narrator doesn't really want "these things", but everyone else seems to care about at least one of them, so he half-asses both of them, not really caring about either (but he does want to care).

I definitely see how the beginning could be better too; I'll try and clear this one up a bit.

[heslopian]

A really really good comic poem, expressing anxieties many college/high school students feel during those apathetic times, I'm sure The alternation between long and short lines establishes a firm, enjoyable rhythm. You clearly have some understanding of meter, and craft in general, and that you can marry said knowledge of craft with outgoing wit implies great talent. Thank you for the read

[superfluid]

There’s too much on my plate to eat
but still I’m unfulfilled;
another test and faux-hip clique,
with no time left to chill.

I’d like to smile and nod in class,
I wish I really cared;
or that I boozed and lived for ass
and smoked my joints in pairs.

Instead I’m stuck here in-between
just waiting for a fall,
perhaps one day I’ll choose a scene
or maybe none at all.

Definitely a poem a lot of people in college can relate to

I agree with others the opening lines could be stronger. It's not that there's too much on your plate, but maybe what's there isn't really what you want to eat? Or there is so much already there you can't fit what you really want onto it? Eat and clique don't really rhyme so I think you've got quite a bit of wiggle room in that opening line. (I think even just "So much left on my plate" would work better).

Also the "just waiting for a fall" line---not sure I catch the implication of the "fall". I always wanted Summer when I was in school

Fun read

[Wjames]

Thanks for reading guys, I'm glad it was a little relatable. Hopefully I can think of something I like more for the beginning.