In Autumn, 11:30 P.M.

[coy]

Every step's a pitter-patter,
merging with the crickets chatter.
Water sighs its murmured hymn,
surrounding stones always give in.

I trek above the vales high
and smile at an orange sky,
where afterglow has left its mark;
it pleads the world to stray from dark.

And this is when I make my stop,
to watch night eat the afterglow;
the singing from the crickets stops,
as night engulfs her victim, slow.

*/ thinking about changing the word "surrounding" in the last line of the first stanza to "eroding" if image comes across nebulous. /*

[billy]

hi coy and welcome to the site, great to see a newb giving good feedback. :J:

the meter fails in a couple of places and you repeat certain words that don't seem to be refrains. a suggestion would be to change one or the other in instances when this occurs.

some good images. it's good that you allow the title to do a lot of the work; it does connect well to the images. 
of night/dark and damp

Every step's a pitter-patter, i like how this line evokes autumn at the very onset of the poem
merging with the crickets chatter. cricket's
Water sighs its murmured hymn, feels like your a foot short neter-wise
surrounding stones always give in. this worked after a few reads, i see an image of water worn stones in a stream

I trek above the vales high here it reads that the vales and not you are high, a suggestion would be [Above the vales I trek on high] which would keep the meter and rhyme
and smile at an orange sky, i get the feeling you're saying smy al here in order to fit the meter, can it be said another way.
where afterglow has left its mark;
it pleads the world to stray from dark. this reads as weak for me

And this is when I make my stop,
to watch night eat the afterglow; i love this little line it's a great image of coming darkness
the singing from the crickets stops, stops is too near stop as a rhyme
as night engulfs her victim, slow. should it be victims

*/ thinking about changing the word "surrounding" in the last line of the first stanza to "eroding" if image comes across nebulous. /*

[arbitraryarmor]

Overall a strong poem with good imagery that evokes a pleasant view.

Every step's a pitter-patter,
merging with the crickets' chatter.
Water sighs its murmured hymn, Good line here
surrounding stones always give in.

I trek above the vales high If you replaced 'vales' with a two-syllable word, you'd keep meter beter
and smile at an orange sky,
where afterglow has left its mark;
it pleads the world to stray from dark. Good personification

And this is when I make my stop,
to watch night eat the afterglow; I wouldn't re-use the word afterglow here
the singing from the crickets stops,
as night engulfs her victim, slow. I'm not loving this line; i feel like your last line could be stronger than this one.

*/ thinking about changing the word "surrounding" in the last line of the first stanza to "eroding" if image comes across nebulous. /*

[coy]

hi coy and welcome to the site, great to see a newb giving good feedback. :J:

the meter fails in a couple of places and you repeat certain words that don't seem to be refrains. a suggestion would be to change one or the other in instances when this occurs.

some good images. it's good that you allow the title to do a lot of the work; it does connect well to the images. 
of night/dark and damp

Every step's a pitter-patter, i like how this line evokes autumn at the very onset of the poem
merging with the crickets chatter. cricket's
Water sighs its murmured hymn, feels like your a foot short neter-wise
surrounding stones always give in. this worked after a few reads, i see an image of water worn stones in a stream

I trek above the vales high here it reads that the vales and not you are high, a suggestion would be [Above the vales I trek on high] which would keep the meter and rhyme
and smile at an orange sky, i get the feeling you're saying smy al here in order to fit the meter, can it be said another way.
where afterglow has left its mark;
it pleads the world to stray from dark. this reads as weak for me

And this is when I make my stop,
to watch night eat the afterglow; i love this little line it's a great image of coming darkness
the singing from the crickets stops, stops is too near stop as a rhyme
as night engulfs her victim, slow. should it be victims

*/ thinking about changing the word "surrounding" in the last line of the first stanza to "eroding" if image comes across nebulous. /*

Thanks for the crit. in the first stanza, the first two lines are in Trochaic tetrameter, and in the third line, I omit the first syllable, starting on a stressed one, to transition into Iambic tetrameter (which I use the rest of the poem). It's good you mentioned it, because I'm not sure if I'm treading in dangerous waters by doing this. I've been studying for math for 5 hours, so I'll make the rest of the changes you recommended tomorrow. Thanks. Would the apostrophe on crickets not go after the "s"?

[coy]

Overall a strong poem with good imagery that evokes a pleasant view.

Every step's a pitter-patter,
merging with the crickets' chatter.
Water sighs its murmured hymn, Good line here
surrounding stones always give in.

I trek above the vales high If you replaced 'vales' with a two-syllable word, you'd keep meter beter
and smile at an orange sky,
where afterglow has left its mark;
it pleads the world to stray from dark. Good personification

And this is when I make my stop,
to watch night eat the afterglow; I wouldn't re-use the word afterglow here
the singing from the crickets stops,
as night engulfs her victim, slow. I'm not loving this line; i feel like your last line could be stronger than this one.

*/ thinking about changing the word "surrounding" in the last line of the first stanza to "eroding" if image comes across nebulous. /*

Just snapped out of my stupor and realized vales is one syllable. Thanks for the crit and compliments. I'll try to make the last line more eventful.

[71degrees]

Overall a strong poem with good imagery that evokes a pleasant view.

Every step's a pitter-patter,
merging with the crickets' chatter.
Water sighs its murmured hymn, Good line here
surrounding stones always give in.

I trek above the vales high If you replaced 'vales' with a two-syllable word, you'd keep meter beter
and smile at an orange sky,
where afterglow has left its mark;
it pleads the world to stray from dark. Good personification

And this is when I make my stop,
to watch night eat the afterglow; I wouldn't re-use the word afterglow here
the singing from the crickets stops,
as night engulfs her victim, slow. I'm not loving this line; i feel like your last line could be stronger than this one.

*/ thinking about changing the word "surrounding" in the last line of the first stanza to "eroding" if image comes across nebulous. /*

Just snapped out of my stupor and realized vales is one syllable. Thanks for the crit and compliments. I'll try to make the last line more eventful.

Cricket's or crickets'? That is the question. Singular or plural? What is your intention? Me thinks it's plural based on the last stanza. You have many "soft" sounding words and images. Why "victim" at the end. Much too ominous a word for such a pleasant sounding poem. Also, strict grammar calls for adverb "slowly" at the end. It's modifying the verb "engulfs"...but I've never been one to follow the rules, either.

Welcome. Enjoyed this stroll through the evening.

[StanleyZ]

Every step's a pitter-patter,
merging with the crickets chatter.
Water sighs its murmured hymn,
surrounding stones always give in.
I trek above the vales high
and smile at an orange sky,
where afterglow has left its mark;
it pleads the world to stray from dark.
And this is when I make my stop,
to watch night eat the afterglow;
the singing from the crickets stops,
as night engulfs her victim, slow.
*/ thinking about changing the word "surrounding" in the last line of the first stanza to "eroding" if image comes across nebulous. /*

I think surrounding sounds better. Alliteration is always better in my opinion. So what I gather from this is that the speaker is walking through a valley near a river as the sun is setting. The title doesn't make sense to me given this imagery. I mean it's almost midnight, how can there be any afterglow in the sky? The victim the night is consuming has long been victimized. Maybe change the time frame of the title? Other than that the imagery is nice, but it is missing something important. I can't say what exactly, but your rhymed stanzas don't do anything in the "less is more" category". All I am getting is a bit of appreciation for nature, but where is the symbolism? What makes this small event so big for the speaker, other than inspiration for a few hastily written rhymes?

[coy]

Every step's a pitter-patter,
merging with the crickets chatter.
Water sighs its murmured hymn,
surrounding stones always give in.
I trek above the vales high
and smile at an orange sky,
where afterglow has left its mark;
it pleads the world to stray from dark.
And this is when I make my stop,
to watch night eat the afterglow;
the singing from the crickets stops,
as night engulfs her victim, slow.
*/ thinking about changing the word "surrounding" in the last line of the first stanza to "eroding" if image comes across nebulous. /*

I think surrounding sounds better. Alliteration is always better in my opinion. So what I gather from this is that the speaker is walking through a valley near a river as the sun is setting. The title doesn't make sense to me given this imagery. I mean it's almost midnight, how can there be any afterglow in the sky? The victim the night is consuming has long been victimized. Maybe change the time frame of the title? Other than that the imagery is nice, but it is missing something important. I can't say what exactly, but your rhymed stanzas don't do anything in the "less is more" category". All I am getting is a bit of appreciation for nature, but where is the symbolism? What makes this small event so big for the speaker, other than inspiration for a few hastily written rhymes?

I wrote this poem with the intention of confronting the topic of suicide without sounding cliche. I didn't want to force that onto others, and thought it was interesting everyone responded saying they found beautiful imagery. In my area, the radiance from the sunset retains its hue in the sky until about 11:30 - 12. Hmm. Maybe I should make the title a more universal time.

I chose autumn, because it symbolizes the death of the year - all the leaves fall off of the trees. The symbolism for dark is the usual: sadness, despondence, depression. Dark overtakes the light at the end (Star Wars gone bad, xD). I also put the "singing from the crickets stops" to hint that the speaker might be dead. Only the speaker cannot hear the crickets, because crickets aren't going to stop chirping and gaze off into the night sky.

It's my fault for not executing this theme adequately. I just sprinkled little hints of the theme throughout, so it's understandable no one picked up on it. Typically, I wouldn't share all this, as I generally prefer not to invite people into my problems, but you asked.  Thanks for the response!

[coolfunboy]

Your descriptions are abstract in a very tangible way-- overall, a very effective poem, that could still use some work.

Every step's a pitter-patter,
merging with the crickets chatter.
Water sighs its murmured hymn, [Great imagery so far.]
surrounding stones always give in.

I trek above the vales high [The meter is pretty awkward here-- it seems like you're going for 8 syllable lines, and this line is only 7.]
and smile at an orange sky,
where afterglow has left its mark;
it pleads the world to stray from dark. [I love the way the last three lines describe the oft-lauded sunset in an original way.]

And this is when I make my stop,
to watch night eat the afterglow;
the singing from the crickets stops, [Why does the rhyme scheme shift in this stanza? Also, the repetition of "stop/stops" should be avoided, especially because the two words don't rhyme.]
as night engulfs her victim, slow.

*/ thinking about changing the word "surrounding" in the last line of the first stanza to "eroding" if image comes across nebulous. /*